Startled
Managing You & Me
The finished concert gave me hype-kick in my energized system.
I'm feeling so hyped and electrified.
Like them crazy fans, my heart wouldn't stop racing.. Towards... Jinyoung oppa. Again... Its weird but it was a "concert" so.. Heh...
But what made me wonder this repeating emotion was that.. It's really familiar.. As if I felt this a long time ago.
Heh I guess this is BANA's super instincts acting up.. I did just see them live.
All the B1A4 oppas came filing into the dressing room.
Sandeul oppa asked " did little Ahn ah have a blast? "
I rolled my eyes and gave each one of the oppas a high five,
Then, my feet robotically rushed to Teentop's dressing room.
they JUST came back and Ljoe oppa was sweating like crazy.
Ricky saw me peeping around and spoke
"Noona! Did you see our EPIC dance moves?"
I nodded and grinned as I came into view away from the doorway and Ljoe saw me.
He smiled.
I gave him a high five and he ruffled my hair.
I chanted about how magical they were setting fires to my Angel heart.
So we all laugh and have a good time.
Teentop oppas' manager comes in announcing it's time to go.
I told the Teentop oppas goodnight as they were leaving the building and I headed back.
In the middle of the hallway,
I met B.A.P while they were just about to leave and I blabbed bout how good they were.
"So she hasn't changed.."
I heard Daehyun mutter under his breath.
Unconciously, I caught that.
"What? Daehyun oppa, I heard something-"
I was cut off by Youngjae oppa.
"NOTHING Ahn ah! He's just super tired and we have to go now"
"Yeah noona. Like RIGHT now."
Zelo continued, nodding in an urgent manner.
I manged to somewhat nod as they rushed past me.
Yongguk oppa whirled back to me and held out a fist.
All the B.A.P oppas stopped and stared at us, eyes wide as if they were holding their breaths.
My own breath was taken away as I responded to Yongguk oppa's fist in a complicated pattern that I never knew.
what-
"eh??!" My voice breaks through, the confusion thickening itself as my own hands slide into Yongguk oppa's ever so swiftly, our hands moving in a rountined sync.
As if we've done this many times-
but it's my first time ever seeing this handshake-
Heck its my first time touching Yongguk oppa's hands.
I tilt my head in a complete daze.
How do I know this handshake?
Yongguk oppa and I finish the handshake with a familiar movement of a upside down fist bump, exploding outwards, forming two bumping fists.
B.A.P's jaws dropped, except for Yongguk oppa.
He patted my head.
" I knew you'd remember-"
and with that, he turned back around, dragging the shocked B.A.P oppas away.
They seemed flustered and sad.
huh?
HOW DID I KNOW THE HANDSHAKE?!?!?!
WHY DID YONGGUK OPPA SAY I'D REMEMBER?! I NEVER SAW HIM IN MY LIFE!!
ANYWAYS
After that, I seriously began to head back to my crew.
I realized the hallways were much more complicated than I thought they would be and I think I took the wrong turn.
Confusion from the Yongguk oppa incident didn't help either-
There's no MAP or anything around so I'm .... Lost.... In this late hour where the building would be closing really really soon....
I snap out my phone , just to realize it's freaking dead. Holy crap...I . Am. Toast.
"Don't panic Ahn ah... DO not panic."
I try to calm myself but all I suddenly feel like doing is bursting out in tears.
These blurred flashbacks of the car accident came into mind all of a sudden.
Images of Yongguk oppa from years ago danced in my confused view.
A charred ....memory?
what-
It the living soul of me into the life-like snips of my secretly hidden pain.
Why is my flashback suddenly coming again?
With no warning, the little me was screaming
" MOMM!! Mom!!!"
Ringing through my heart.
I suddenly felt a chill down my whole body and froze as the lights of the hallway next to me turned off .
I started screaming trauma-like in unison with me of the flashbacks. " HELP!! HELLPPP!! Please!"
I hear footsteps close and by then my voice was paralyzed. All i could do was cry. I sobbed and sobbed just like 5 years ago.
" AAHN AHH? Where are You!!??"
I hear ... a lifesaver's voice.
As if straight from my destroyed memories.
As if i remeber this exact voice-
"I'm he.r..e.."
I see Jinyoung oppa running towards me and he looked so frightened.
I tried to wipe my tears but I lost all strength in my arms. Jinyoung oppa ,panting, said
" Ahn ah! Are you okay?! Why are you crying?"
I just shook my head with no words and looked up into his face.
I was so thankful that I lost all words. I laughed out a sigh of relief and he smiled a shaken up smile.
I guess we were both scared.
I took a deep shivering breath and managed to whisper out
" My phone was dead"
Jinyoung oppa shook his head and just scoffed.
We both just kind of sighed and laughed as we came out of the building the right way. Jinyoung oppa called all the other B1A4 oppas and told them he found me.
I caught replies like"okay! Phew! So glad!"
I was happy that they cared so much about me. Selfishness working up again. Jinyoung oppa hung up his fone and I leaned on oppa for support, I stumbled into my own balance and said
"T..Thank you so much oppa.. I was s..so scared"
His hand softly touched my own and he tangled his fingers arournd mine and said "I'll always be there for you."
I looked into his eyes and gasped.
His face was slightly caught in an unexplainable expression and he was staring right at me.
I smiled , wanting to cry again because of my weak heart.
Why does he look so sad?
So scared?
We silently walked back and I got into the van.
Everybody saw my obviously-cried face and asked a lot of questions but Gongchan just looked at me and said
" It's alright Ahn ah. We are all here." This made me feel so much better. Gongchan oppa ruffled my already messy hair and smiled, making me smile too.
_________________________
Everybody asleep on the ride home, I couldn't fall asleep.
I was still shaken up.
This is the first time this happend since my aftershock of the accident. I missed mom and dad so much...
The hole punched in my heart was terribly wounded right now..
I felt hot tears roll down my cold cheeks once again and swallowed my urge to cry out.
I felt soft hands on my cheeks and ,startled, I turned to see Jinyoung oppa.
I smiled and said " I thought you were sleeping! Aish! You fooled me oppa!"
He knew I was joking just to lighten up the mood and that it wasn't really helping me.
I hate how I'm so see-through but I really couldn't help it tonight.
He pressed my powerless head into his soft shoulders and held my hand again.
He softly spoke " It's all right. We are all here for you. You don't have to be sad."
I was so lucky to have such caring oppas all being so nice to "poor little" me with a useless excuse of childhood trauma.
I just felt like I wasn't important compared to all the great things they did.
Tonight, I truly believed that the oppas won't do this for BANAs, and that they care about me.
That I'm worth of value in others' lives.
My tears dried up and my heart raced faster as I was retorted out of my flashback memories and into the bone-seeping reality.
I was lying on Jinyoung oppa's shoulder and I could feel his breathe on my forehead.
His lips were so close to my head that it was millimeters away from kissing it.
I was so startled that I just realized this and tried to get out of this comforting position but all my heart ached to say no.
I .. Actually.. Liked this.. I didn't want to ever have to leave..
I suddenly slipped into sleep with the rest of the oppas.
**Jinyoung's Story**
Dakyung noona said,
" Did you guys get everything ready? Yeah? Then let's go! The van's waiting outside!"
Noona left with most of our stuff and headed to the van first. We followed her into the building hallway.
Suddenly, Channie stopped us and said "
Where's Ahnah?"
I just realized Ahn ah wasn't here.
CNU said " yeah .. She should be here or outside. she knows the building's gonna close soon"
Baro whined, "her phone's not working..."
We fell into silence and Sandeul got a message from Noona that Ahnah's not outside.
We quicky decided to split and find Ahn ah. I went into panic mode and ran like there's no tomorrow.
Then, at a far distance I heard sobbing. I heard Ahn ah's voice crying and I ran like crazy to her.
She was crying so much and looked so relieved to see me.
I won't let this happen ever again-
No- not again-
This retard. She has the foolishness to utter out the explanation of how her phone was dead.
I bent down to get her up and comfort her.... My hand automatically slipped into hers and I suddenly said that I would always be there for her.
I was surprised myself and I bit my lip . Crap.
What if this brought back-
No... That's impossible.
We got into the van and everybody fell asleep but my heart was racing too fast for any type of sleep.
I heard soft sobbing and saw Ahn ah cryin again.
It broke my heart so bad to see her so sad. I wiped her tear and she looked at me with that sweet smile making my heart crumble into guilty pieces.
I don't want her to be forcefully happy, just to make anybody and evrybody happy.
She's readable like a transparent book. Too oblivious of this fact, she can only show fake smiles even when she's in pain.
I laid her head on my shoulder and soon, she fell asleep. .. Along with her. i dozed off with the familiar pain in my heart once again.
I'm sorry Ahn ah.
*****end*****
I opened my eyes slightly, feeling the van slow down.
Our van driver , also B1A4's manager , seemed tired too.
I feel sorry for him -hehe.
Right now, I'm saying random things to get my happy mind off of me being on Jinyoung oppa's shoulder. I'm pretty sure his bones are aching to get my heavy head off but my mind is protesting.
Jinyoung oppa is sleeping , so I gently fight my feelings and lift my head slowly off of oppa's shoulders.
I sit straight as we pull up the B1A4 dorm parking lot and start to wake everyone up.
I wake Sandeul oppa first. " Sandeul oppa! Wakey wakey!! The duck says?"
Oppa woke up with a yawn and replied " Quack ~~ Qu~~ack"
I giggled and woke Gongchan oppa up with just tapping his nose.
his face wrinkled up.. Perfectly as usual, and he woke up.
I pulled down Baro oppa's hat and he woke up. Of course CNU oppa would already be awake.
Everyone is starting getting off and unloading the van.
Jinyoung oppa was still asleep beside me.
I decide to wake him up and give him a major thank you for almost saving my life.
Gathering all the courage I had,
My lips pressed into his cheeks.
His eyes slowly opened into an enlarged size of shock,
I timidly said, " You're home~" and mouthed the words "Thank you so much"
I saw Jinyoung oppa smile and we both got off the van.
We got all the clothes and stuff up to B1A4's dorm and I turned to head to Dakyung unnie's car in the parking lot.
A hand grabbed my arm and stopped me. I looked back and saw Gongchan oppa's face. He asked me
" Are you okay Ahn ah?" And released my arm.
I slightly laughed and said yes.
He let out a sigh of relief and care and told me to be careful and charge my phone.
I said I will and I headed to unnie's car.
Unnie was waiting for me .
"what took you so long?"
She asked.
I just smiled and said "I helped them unpack and stuff....~~"
"Ahn ah, I know I shouldn't have and I know you just did out of thankfulness but don't do stuff to Jinyoung like that.
you guys are both young and looking for love so someone's gunna get hurt and as Jinyoung's manager and your unnie, im worried and concerned."
I blinked with no words in shock that she saw me kissing Jinyoung oppa's cheeks.
"Mm..mkay..." I replied.
The ride home was almost too silent .
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