Flashback - 3
Managing You & Me
~~~~Continued Flashback~~~~~
I'm a human robot.
Doing what everyone tells you to do, not minding a hole puncture embedded deep in your chest.
Cuz I can be.
My dorm buddies try to calm my emotions down, to get some sense into me.
Robots don't have senses.
My left and right arm were literally seperated from my heart.
Leaving me in a trance of confused pain, they are achieving their dreams. Just like we grew up to believe in .
Then why does it hurt?
I know I'll see them when they aren't busy.
But they aren't here with me.
I'm left alone at school, with an empty head. No thoughts dared to fill my blank head and no tears filled up my eyes.
Until nighttime.
Night's darkness brings back all the memories of Byunghun and Jiho. Now I have to see them through news, TV , and screens of laptops.
Their smiles represented happiness. I guess I wanted to be a part of it, but the cold reality was that I'm not in their world anymore.
~♪♪Ring-Ring♪♪~
My phone went off.
The screen flashed a name that made my heavy burden float a bit lighter.
Jinyoung
I picked up.
"He..hello?"
I didn't realize my voice was rash and croaky.
"Ahn ah? Are you okay?"
His warm words finally destroyed the tear-dam I made.
Hot tears rolled down my bare cheeks as his soothing voice unfroze my unconsiously paralyzed heart.
"Umm. Yes? No? I don't even know Jinyoung.."
I uttered under sobs and broken breaths.
"Come out right now Ahnah."
And with that he hung up.
Gathering my broken pieces together, I threw on a jacket.
Not caring whether it's past curfew or not, I ran for the exit of the girl's dorm.
Panting and crying, I ran to the tree that intersected the girls' and boys' dormitory buildings.
Jinyoung's eyes widened as he caught me in my weak form.
His hands caressed my soggy, helpless cheeks as I cried with no thought in my miserable head.
"Shh.. Don't cry Ahn ah... I'm here.. Don't cry.. "
Jinyoung's voice cooed in my ear.
My heart let my mouth blurt out every single thought of my cries and pour it all over the realization of Jinyoung.
After spilling everything, I automatically found my breaths get even, my heartbeats falling into correct patterns, and my eyes daring to look up to the caring ones of Jinyoung.
Seeing his worried frown, a blissful smile washed over my heart as I noticed how much he cared for me. He cares for me as much as I care for him.
Then, I felt a pair of arms wrapping around my waist.
Blushing, I was lost for words.
Heartbeats paced faster, breaths were stolen for my gasp. My eyes closed, and my own arms reached for Jinyoung's back.
Not thinking of anything else to do, I whispered
"Thank you Jinyoung"
Into his ear.
I felt at home.
It felt so right.
So two people decided to hug through the night, curfews were lost in their minds.
If only this moment would freeze in time.
________________________
"I'm so Cra-Cra-Crazy claclaclaclapclap man Cra-Cra-Crazy~"
Of course, Niel's voice bursts through my earbuds.
It's been forever since I saw any of my crazy two dorkhead bestfriends, who happen to be idols....
Crazy right?
L.joe from Teentop, Zico from BlockB.
No matter what, Zico and L.joe are my best friends.
Here I am, still looking for an entertainment company to join.
No, I do not want to be some dressed up dolly- that auto tunes. That's just cheap.
Not my style
Byunghun and Jiho have no choice but to go with the flow though. At least they can put their pretty-boy image to work now.
I sling my acoustic guitar around my limp shoulder as my feet lead me to my comfort zone, classroom 298.
I wanted to see Jinyoung so bad.
Sounds weird, but recently, I couldn't help it.
Sliding open the precious wooden doors, Jinyoung's heart-fluttering smile welcomes me. He's been here with me since forever and now, he makes my insides all happy even with his smiles.
Whenever I think about him, smiles rise up from nowhere and plop itselves on my face.
By the way,
I volunteered to join acoustics class even after I served my michief behavior punishment.
Shocked? Yeah me too.
Yet there's more shock.
I found myself change ... a lot
I found myself part away from my hardcore .
I wanted to kind of follow Jinyoung.
Also, It's become too raw for me.
I guess I'm starting to refine myself ever since my friends and I parted ways.
I cried myself dry, and I embedded the habit of pouring it all out on my beautiful guitar. Ever since I joined acousitcs, I've been feeling happier, lighter.
Recently, I noticed myself stare more at Jinyoung's beautiful face most of the time.
Day by day, I was helplessly attracted to him.
.... I guess I can admit that.
"Ahn ah, when are you ever going to audition for a company?"
Jinyoung's voice breaks my deepend trance as I wake up from the flustered depth.
"Hmmph.. I don't know. I can't decide among T.O.P Media, where Byunghun is, WM Ent. Where you are, and TS Ent where it fits my style. Jepp Blackman joined TS." I replied, both of us clearly knowing my admiration for the underground rapper, Jepp Blackman.
(A.N - who is our beloved leader of B.A.P)
Clearing my throat to erase my awkward thoughts,it might have shown on my face.
Jinyoung's face formed into a thinking face. I reflected my face like his, both of us deep in thought.
Jinyoung caught my serious face and pinched my cheeks.
"Aigoo~ our Ahn ah is in her serious mode~"
He teased all cutesie-pootsey on me.
Failing miserably of making an annoyed expression, I broke in to a giddy smile.
Then, my eyes widened in surprise as Jinyoung all-so-suddenly pulled me into his arms. He hugged me tight. Again.
My face blushed, my body temperature would have risen a thermometer by gazillion numbers up.
I found my lips turn into a smile and my own arms automatically embraced him back.
So this is when I was slapped with the newly found truth.
This is why I felt excited to see Jinyoung all this time.
This is why my heart raced and skipped a beat when I saw him.
That's why I caught a glance of him running through the halls.
One in a million. Meant to be.
It felt so right.
Like the missing puzzle pieces clicked together in my head.
Before I knew anything, I was in love with Jinyoung all this time.
I'm helplessly stupid.
My realization hit me as Jinyoung slipped his arms away awkwardly and his face too, was blushing.
We just both silently smiled.
Love at first sight.
I think it does exist.
At least for me.
__________________________
"You could go for them all!"
Jinyoung continued our convo.
I rolled my eyes.
Jinyoung's a member of a soon-to-debut idol group B1A4.
All these idols rubbing into my face to do something. I'm worried enough myself and they just HAVE to carry the load with me. Uggh.. Why are they so nice? It makes me look like the stupid girl.
Oh wait, I am the stupid girl. Psh
"I'm not joking Ahn ah. With your talents, you can make them all."
The serious gleam in his eye sent me a lump in my throat, making me swallow in cold reality.
Maybe Jinyoung was right.
I should give it a shot.
Why not?
___________________________
My legs still tensed up, I wait for my name to be called for the audition.
Breathe Ahn ah. You can do this.
I'm at the very building of the TS Ent. company, my nervous self giving a shot , for the sake of my dreams. My friends and I were lost dreamers and to see them find their way, I felt like a hypocrite telling them all these wonderful benefits of achieving a dream when I haven't myself.
I guess I got frustrated with myself too.
Rewinding my thoughts to the past two auditions at WM and T.O.P Media, my stomach's knotch slowly unfurled. I'm not the nervous type, thank the lord.
By the way, Byunghun wasn't there. He was off somewhere promoting his new album.
Yeah . I can pull this off.
"Number 28, Baek Ahn Ah - yang* , please enter."
I gulp down my final ball of spit and silently walk across the wax-polished marble floor.
"Begin whenever you like."
The judge's cold voice rang through my ears.
I cleared my throat,head, and mind.
"I'll begin now."
I declared, all boosted up with self-confidence
Ahn ah was made for this.
The oh-so-familiar song played through the solid-white room, easing my mind as I mentally slipped into my own dorm room, where I practiced till I couldn't sing anymore and my dorm mates would tease me about it afterwards. A smile of comfort crept up my lips.
I got this.
I sung my heart out. This warm feeling kept myself all giddy and happy, as if I already passed the audition. This feeling of getting the song right, rocking each note, and making each measure count.
The emotions subsided as the song ended and my eyes slowly fluttered open. I didn't even feel them closed.
Then, I heard a judge stand up and clap. My flustered self decided to curl into a shy crumple and blush in the sudden flattery.
Now all three judges clapping, the one who first gave me the applause came up to me, holding out a hand.
Taking it in my own, I gave it a firm and confident shake as the judge spoke , "Welcome to TS Ent. Ms.Ahn ah. I'm Mr.Kim, the one who rules this building. Haha I'll be your boss from now on Ms.Angelic-voice."
He stated with a bright enthusiasm.
My hands shaking loosely by my sides from this utterly unbelievable reality, I felt myself tear up with joy. Filling up the brim of my eyes, I let out a stuttered laugh.
__________________________
To : Jinyoung, Byunghuniee, Jiho
Guess who made it to TS Ent?
Sent.
Read.
A wide grin plastered itself on my face the whole entire day. Not minding the slow bruising pain in my cheekbones, a bigger grin replaced my already- smiley smiley face as I got constant, consecutive reply texts from my buddies.
From: Jinyoung
I knew you'd do it!! Im so proud of our little Ahn ah!
From: Byunghuniee
Ahn ah.. are you SERIOUS?!
I'm happy as a maniac!!
I TOLD U SO
U'd b more famous than us~
This calls for a café party!
Be there by 7pm!!
From: Jiho
That's our girl. She did it. She rocks it. You shine all the time.
I giggled a bit of happiness as unreal reality seeped back into my happy-infused mind.
To: Byunghuniee & Jiho
Meet u guys at 7pm at the café!
Kyahh!!! >.<
I got okays from both of them and got ready to get off the bus.
Skipping down the bus steps, staring forward into the warming café ahed of me, I catch an unsightful glance ...
Jinyoung oppa was with a girl.
There was a prick in my heart which suddenly grew in size and gave me a painful sensation.
As I was confused myself, I almost let out a groan from the pain of my heart as the girl embraced Jinyoung. What's wrong with me?
He never told me he had a girlfriend. Her slender figure and long wavy hair says it all.
Of course. Jinyoung oppa wouldn't have a cute face for nothing. Omagod. What the hell of words am I saying? My confused and dazed self felt a suffocating pain in the heart once again.
"Yo Ahn ah!"
I quickly wiped a tear that snuck its way out of my eyes and turn around with a smile to face my friends.
"Byunghun! Jiho! Let's go to the bakery. I was thinking we could try something new today, cuz its a new me!!"
I blurted/rapped that sentence as they stared blankly at my obviously weird face.
Aish. Whatever.
I slung my arms between theirs and dragged them to the bakery.
Aissh. Why the fu*k does my heart hurt? I quickly covered my heart with a temporary mute button and tried to absorb this moment of finally seeing my two friends.
"So that's what I've been doing."
Jiho concluded his so-far "new" life story. He told us everything from Mino leaving the group and the official debut of BlockB.
We nodded our heads in happiness and pride for our rapping monster.
I glanced at L.joe with a "your turn" look.
"We are promoting Clap. We're gunna have another album coming out soon. Rookie idols have to be always ready to comeback and move on."
Jiho and I grinned as Byunghun spoke like a wise idol master.
"Byunghun, I went to audition at T.O.P Ent to audition. You weren't there." I said with a hint of monotone in my purposely bland voice.
His eyes widened. "What? You came to our HQ? Why didn't you text of call?"
"You were busy!!~dorkling!"
We chuckled as our conversations continued through our munching and nibbling of the special occasion cake.
Then got real.
Like really real.
Jiho just confessed he tried to harm one of the new Block B members.
Jiho and I started having an argument... Only to break into a fight.
"Jiho! You can't run away ever like you did before! How could you do that to Jaehyo! Just because he "replaced" Mino because of his good looks doesn't mean you can put dangerous stuff in his drink and run away!"
"Fu*k off Ahn ah! This isn't even your problem! You wouldn't understand how hard it is to do what your dreams were when you're in a idol group , all set up as pretty boys!"
His voice got louder as we exited the bakery (we had enough sense to do that, and also because Byunghun dragged us out)
"I understand more than you fu*king do Woo Jiho!! You've been hurting others just because your fat ego couldn't admit that you can't make a decent discussion about an issue. You always have to hurt others! Don't you ever THINK before you act?! Do you not care enough about the people who care about you?!"
Tears of anger and sorrow spilled dangerously as my voice started cracking.
"Guys. Break it up. GUYS!"
Byunghun's words were inaudible to our madness-crazed ears.
"You know what Ahn ah? Shut the fu*k up! It took you this long to get to your dreams which you always bragged about with words and never did anything about it! Then you yell at me that I can't fight for my dreams now? I do what I want Bi*ch!"
That was it. We all knew that the line has been crossed long time ago. My throat clogged up.
Tears now fell in soggy streams.
My eyes widened in shock, my hurt squeezed from pain, my mouth left gaping at the thorns we call words.
Jiho was in a smiliar form as me.
He covered his mouth, eyes wide with regret.
What have we done?
He stepped forward towards me, but I turned around and flinched in fear. This boy was capable of more than harm.
This incident was similar to the time, Long time ago.
But Jiho held himself back and ran away with a shocked expression frozen on his face.
I wanted to run and catch him. Tell him I'm sorry for being a bi*ch.
But he was gone from my sight.
Vision blurred with bitter tears, Byunghun held me in his arms in a comforting embrace, hugging my angered fear of having lost Jiho for good.
*****Byunghun/L.joe's Story****
They went far.
They haven't gone this far in about 3 years, when Jiho was in monetary danger. All I could do was stand there and jump in when things went out of control.
It went somewhat better than last time, where all hell broke loose physically and mentally.
This was just emotional pain.
Jiho will be back soon.
What I was more angry about was something really small. and random.
I couldn't hold the urge to hug Ahn ah. Using her now weak form as an advantage, I hugged her.
I felt so stupid and selfish for doing this for my own good.
I'm messed up too.
******end of Byunghun's Story*****
A.N - I decided to write more to makeup for the long wait.. Haha.. Sorry T.T mianhae readers!!
happy reading!!
Don't virtually slap me :(
i feel your annoyed glares now...
okay i'll shut up ha..ha..
HAPPY READING!!!
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