Awakening
Managing You & Me
****Jinyoung's Story****
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Hearing Ahn ah's heartbeats being monitored, she's alive .
It's everything I ask for.
Because my heart felt like it's been beaten up, torn apart, ripped open, left to bleed, and crushed into bits by a blender, I let time pass by. Jiho and Byunghun drenched in tears, tears fell down my own face.
I tried to wipe away all signs of weakness. I can't be weak in front of her.
"Aish! Ahn ah! Wake up! Yah!"
Jiho's frustrating pleas rang through the room.
Mentally replaying her voice thorugh the phone on the day of the accident, hearing the loud crash, getting news that her mother died, I felt like my own head was shattered, just like hers.
Bitter tears filled up.
In my head, I'm crying out Ahn ah's name, telling her to wake up. My head forced to see images of Ahn ah smiling to me.
To stop the emotional pain, I glanced at Byunghun and Jiho.
"Ahn..ah... I'm so.. S.Sorry"
Byunghun said between sobs.
Jiho's blank expression changed into a guilty one.
He turned himself around and leaned on the wall, pounding it.
"I don't deserve to see her."
We all feel this way right now.
We don't deserve to see her.
I couldn't protect her.
She trusted me to.
It's my fault.
Only if I got there sooner.
Only if I never told her to go to the auditorium.
Only if.
Gripping Ahn ah's hands tighter, I put it on my cheek , trying to feel her warmth. Checking she's alive for the nth time, I kissed her hand and slid it under the blanket.
"Visiting times are over. Please exit quietly."
The three of us quickly came back to reality , hearing the nurse's voice, and said farewells to Ahnah.
"I love you Ahn ah. I'll be back tomorrow."
With that, I left the room.
**** end *****
"Hrrrmmmmppphhh~~ "
Why do I feel like I'm in a world of pillows and jellies? I feel so weak.
I turn my head to the side.
CRASH
The sound of a car crash rung in my head
"Aish! "
I unconsiously muttered.
Bits and pieces came into my head, forming an image of the accident. My vision cleared as it focused on white walls.
Mom.
Jinyoung.
Byunghun.
Jiho.
CRASH.
I felt my brain replay a crash itself and there was so much pain, from the accident itself on my head, I let out a yelp and caressed my ring before I out.
___________________________
***** Dakyung's Story****
My aunt died, leaving my poor cousin alone. She has memory loss and can't remeber her boyfriend, friends, or the accident.
I picked the stranded hair off of Ahn ah's face.
Yesterday, Jinyoung came in as soon as he heard Ahn ah was concious. When she asked who her boyfriend was, the look on his face was so pained that I couldn't stand just watching.
I told him she'll remeber and parted them.
It would had been more painful for him if he stayed longer.
Mom decided to adopt Ahn ah.
Nobody dared to remind her about the past. I was in charge of getting Ahn ah a new phone, deleting all old contacts, memories of highschool, and compeletely erase her life to start a new one.
I did my job.
I deleted everything.
But left Jinyoung's number.
I changed the name from Jagi to Jinyoung, then I hid her ring.
I promised her she'll remember, and this is the least I could do.
******* end ******
~~~ Back to Present ~~~~
( back to Ahn ah's Story in the present, out of flashbacks)
Tears rolled down my eyes.
My lost memories brushed past by me in a second, leaving the pain in my head ringing through my trembling body.
My voice wailed , accompanied by the flowing river of tears.
How...how could I forget?
I rummaged around the room, searching everywhere for the ring.
Where the heck is it?!
Searching through my pained memories once again, my wound from the punch feels exactly like when I just got punched.
Wincing from the pain, fighting the tears, I remebered that I slid it in a jacket from a long time ago.
When I reached in the pocket, more tears flowed.
It's still here.
I held the ring close to my heart and cried for hours.
How could I forget, how could I not remeber, why did they pretend like they didn't know me, how they could just stand and watch me hurt them.
Why did they set up a little set for me, only hurting themselves more?
Why.
____________________________
Tears finally subsiding, I fumbled through the numbers on my phone.
To : Byunghuniee~
Meet me at the café.
4:30.
Very mandatory!!
Sent.
I sighed and pulled myself together. I needed answers.
What happend?
I wasn't in America all my life like I thought I was.
I know I'm missing a huge chunk in this scattered puzzle.
Why did Jinyoung never say a word?
Wouldn't Dakyung unnie know?
Ugh.
Finding my favorite leather jacket, slipping on my thorn-earrings, adorning my headphones, I looked like Ahn ah from highschool.
Back on track.
Agitated with my frustrations, I rushed out the door of the empty house. This is the last of the Ahn ah who didn't know anything.
I'm back baby.
Never going back.
Never again.
The image of Jinyoung brushed by me. I can't do this on my own. So much guilt, so much pain.
How could I?
With my cries echoing in my head, I drove fast as possible to the café.
My jacked up life- level had risen by an unspeakable number of infinity.
___________________________
**** Byunghun's Story*****
Running like a maniac, not caring if I have anything coming up, eyes searching crazy for Ahn ah.
What happend?
Why did she say "very mandatory"?
Holy sh*t I'm scared.
I hear that all too familiar voice.
Then, my eyes catch her figure, my sight stops on the leather jacket.
Climbing up to her headphones, absorbing all the rebellious looks of "before", A crazy thought brushed my thoughts.
It's her. She's back.
I stood there, frozen and staring at her.
It's Ahn ah.
More than ever.
Right in front of me.
Without doubting myself, I held her tight against me.
If she's really back or not, I don't care.
"Byunghun!! People are staring!"
Whatever. It's Ahn ah and I don't care about anything else.
****End of Byunghun's story *****
I decided to have a little fun.
Set fire of revenge into his heart for pretending not to know me.
He shall pay.
He doesn't know for sure that I remeber him yet right?
Why not take this a step further?
With the most innocent voice I could manage with my newly ruined innocence of knowledge, I spoke,
"Byunghun.. What are you doing?"
I felt him freeze up and quickly release me from his lingering hold.
Hiding a smirk, I continued my evil little show.
"Let's go in! I'll order!"
His confused eye was checking out my sillouette, which is of course strangely too familiar to him. My leather jacket would have already driven him crazy.
His voice finally managed.
"Ahn ah. Did you change your looks? What's up with the leather jacket? Where did you find it?"
To tease his probably burning heart, I just replied with a silent shrug and ordered our drinks.
Time for the magic trick.
"Can I have one strawberry frapp and a VANILLA BEAN frap?"
I emphasized vanilla bean as loud as possible.
Just like that, Byunghun's eyes widened and almost doubled in size.
"...ahn..Ahnah?"
Ignoring the fact that he got the whiff of my game, I glanced at him and cooly replied, "It suits you".
We sat down in a booth, holding our frapps, facing each other and staring straight into each others' eyeballs.
"..Ahnah?"
He kept repeating my name as if questioning me.
I rolled my eyes.
I tortured this poor boy long enough,I felt the sudden guilt spread across me.
His innocent eyes didn't dare to take a wild guess of the obvious truth of what happend to me ever since I acted like I still didn't know him.
Wearing my infamous smirk, I whispered clear to his hearing,
"Yes L.dork. I'm back."
Suddenly, I was wrapped in a blanket called Byunghun.
Blushing up, I tried to struggle out of his tight grip.
"Yah! L.joe! Let me go! People are staring!"
I gasped for air in his tight hold.
I thought he wasn't ever going to release me.
Then, startled, he let go.
Heaving up and down for air, a sinful grin laid itself on my face as I saw my Byunghun, who now knows I remeber him.
"Ahn ah! How could you! You!! How long have you known? How long were you acting?! Aish! Don't ever do that again! Got it?!"
The excitement,gladness,fear, and anger in his stern voice were all bundled into one and embedded well into my guilty self. Awh.
"I remebered today. I wasn't faking till now so chill yourself!"
I suddenly felt the recent encounters I had with him flash in my head.
Me as the stupid not-knowing-anything Ahn ah.
Just completely embarrassing.
How did Byunghun handle me not knowing him, my lifelong best friend? I must have ripped his heart open. Damn. He's such a tough pretty boy.
After thinking if this is the right question to ask, wondering if I want to know the answer to this question,
"Byunghun. Why did everyone pretend like they don't know me?"
I finally blurt out.
My unconcious mind alerted that I should be scared, or not want an answer.
I only held my breath for the reply.
With a sigh, Byunghun explained.
" Your doctor told us that if you remebered, you would probably die from the pain of the wound you got. You might not remeber it yet, and I can't tell you about it. Just by knowing that, it scared the fu*k out of us Ahnah.
It was better to have you alive not knowing us than having you dead and knowing us.
We all knew this too well.
Jiho felt guilty that he wasn't able to make it up with you after the fight and ran away.
Now that you remeber some, it's time to piece back our Ahn ah back up.
Have you seen Jinyoung hyung yet?"
His last question shattered my streams of thoughts that were deeply embedded in a trance.
"... No.. How could I?"
I gulped down, not allowing my eyes to water.
Byunghun caressed my wet cheeks, wiping off tears.
"He'll understand. We've been understanding ever since the accident. He's been waiting for this moment."
Without knowing really what I was saying, I stuttered out,
".. I feel like I'm missing a huge part of my memories though. Something about me and him"
My thoughts savored on what I just said. Realizing it's true, there is something missing, my thoughts searched for the memories , only to fail and gain empty bitterness.
I'm so fu*king sick of this feeling.
What's missing?
Byunghun pursed his lips, signaling that he can't say a word. I gave him a nod of understanding the situation and slurped on my frapp.
I told him everything I remebered.
Byunghun's eyes widened as soon as my story stopped.
"S..So that's all you remember?"
After a brief pause, he continued,
"Ahn ah, Don't ask why..but stay away from Jinyoung hyung for now. Keep pretending like you don't remeber him. Arasso*? "
He hissed "Aish!" under his breath, as if something great turned out to be what he didn't expect.
I caught onto this quickly.
What's.... missing?
I find myself challening upon a bigger piece of the puzzle.
I stuttered a nod of respose to Byunghun's dead serious expression.
If it means I can remember everything, I can endure pretending like I still don't know Jinyoung.
Life had more coming for me.
Bring it.
If it means I can remeber it all, I'd risk my life.
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