I just seriously hate how silent and awkward the atmosphere right now and damn, there's even a traffic jam on the way to school and im seriously frustrated by this. "So, how long are we going to be like this, Ice?" In the middle of the traffic, mom suddenly spoke. I breath heavily, "Not until you realize what you did wrong. Not until you realize they are not wrong." I said as i look straight at the bumper of the car infront of us.

"C'mon, Ice. You can't do this to your mom. Im also hurted here. You see, they are eight, im alone suffering from the pain."  Mom said in a calm and taming tone. I sigh, what she just said have a sense and some of me is eaten by the guilt because of that. Tell me, did i do something horrible?

"I just... I can't still believe what you did to aunt taeng---I might be biased but you know me, i speak what's on my mind without thinking further more. What's on my mind is what i say, you know that, mom." I said in a calm tone. Im lost right now. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I guess, hangover is still in there, somewhere in my brain. "She kneeled but you ignored---is this a history repeats? Are you doing a revenge on her or what?" I stopped after i realized what i've said. I crossed the line once again. I sighed for the second time, i just really want to control myself. I don't want to be rude to her once again. I was so angry to her last time to the point i've said so many hurtful things to her.

"Ok. I'll stop. I got it. You got hurted, they've got hurted. Both of you felt the pain and i guess that's already enough! It's fair enough...i guess. I don't need--i should not get into your businesses again because in the first place, 'i shouldn't had'. I just made things more complicated, i just made things worse, i just made a mess once again, because of me, sobs and cries was heard again...damn. Am i the main star in this story? Why is this all about me?!" I asked in disbelief. Laughing bitterly. Trying joke tho i know the atmosphere is still heavy and will not change with just seconds.

"Everyone was right. Aunt soojung was right, i shouldn't had bothered knowing things. Suho oppa was right, once i knew things, i'll just mess everything once again. Kyungsan was right, i shouldn't have open things again, i shouldn't have intrude to your fight because we will just hear another cries, sobs and hurtful words. Those eight ahjummas were right, it's alright if the old bond you had can't bring back, as long as everyone is in right places. They are right, there will be no changes if you knew their side, anyway. Im seriously stupid...like you." I told her and then laugh once again. My bitter laughed was heard in the car again. Im just a carbon copy of mom, to tell the truth. Mom's genes seriously rocks my whole humanity. Same face, same aura, same voice, same attitude, same slowpoke, same stupid...everything is all about mom, well, except for my height, of course.Im a pyscho for joking at this times, i know.

The car starts moving as we pass the traffic jam. Asa! i can now see the big gate of our school! Yep, there's a ing traffic near our school and that's a ing pain in a head for everyone who's lazy to walk to the school...like me.

I was about to unbelt myself when i suddenly heard mom sighing and saying,"No, you're right." Mom stated making me turn my head to her. What is she saying? "You are right and i am wrong. Even everyone was wrong, right?" I gave her a confused look. WTF? I don't get a thing. She's confusing me.

"Those eight ahjummas and suho. They're with you when you did the operation, right? They cooperated to your plan because they knew that they are wrong all this time for hiding the truth from me. They realized that you are right, that they should have fixed us. Even Soojung and Kyungsan, right? I heard your talk with soojung at the plane and awhile ago at the house. She said that if she's just you, she'll do the plan, that she want to cooperate once you do a plan again. I also talked to kyungsan and he apologized to me for not saying what he knew for the longest time, he said that you made him realize things." I looked at mom. She's focusing on the road while smiling. No, it's not a forced smile or whatsoever. It's freaking real smile of her. Is this a dream? Cause if it is, then please wake me up because im starting to believe that this is the reality.

"Taeyeon told me before about it, it was when i got kicked out after four years. We are already living in the U.S that time but i decided to have a vacation in korea. You're just four year old that time. I thought it will be cool to be back here in korea so we had a vacation but still, the wound is not healed---it was never healed. Taeyeon went to my place and explained things to me personally but i ended up badmouthing her, yelling at her and crying to her. That's when i almost die because of crying so much---You know how my asthma works, right? When i cry too much, i ended up catching my breath--- I didn't believe what she said and told myself that it's just a nonsense. After that day, we flew quickly back to U.S and never went back there again. Few months ago, it was just a mistake going back, i made a decision using my mood swings because i literally burned up when i heard tiffany's statement. It's just, as if i never became a member. As if, they didn't knew me. As if, i was never part of their group." Mom laughed again but now, it's a bitter one. She stopped the car and that's when i realize that we are already infront of the big gate of our school.

"Us becoming like this, broken. It was never you fault and will never be. You are right about us feeling the pain, both of the sides should feel the pain. Sacrificing each other to have a new 'someone', and that 'someone' was no other than you, Ice. You never broke us, no one forced those eight ahjummas to do this thus, they are willing to. They are willing to give up someone just to save you." Mom said as she smile at nowhere. As if she's thinking of something wonderful. "It's my fault, even how many times you see it, everything is my fault. If there's no me, there's no war." I then disagree.

"If that's the case, then it's my fault. It's me who started this. I shouldn't took girls' generation as granted. If i didn't let myself thorn between girls' generation, blanc and my pregnancy then there's no fight. I shouldn't did the snsd, pregnancy and blanc at the same time. Im sorry, it's all my fault." With mom's words, i was left in awe. What did she just say?? Did she just... Is she telling me she already realized everything? That her mind already opened up?!

"I knew things beforehand, Ice. I knew you were up to something, beforehand." Mom stated. I got frozen at my seat. What is she trying to say now? "I knew about kyungsan's flight here in u.s for being the next principal at your school. I was also shocked about it when he told me. He told me everything before he go here. He told me why he suddenly need to become the new principal, he also told me about what he knew for a long time--about the 'truth' of my departurement. He also told me about your plan, he begged me to go with your plan. He asked me to give them a chance.." what the? All this time?---

"But i ended up getting mad, anyway. I can't help it. I just can't because i can't simply believe it---" she sighed and smiled, "ok fine, i do believe but... I don't want to. I can't, I shouldn't. Because it's a nonsense." She said. I kept listening though she's making me confuse more and more everytime she speaks. She's playing push and pull.

"But these days... I have been asking myself why i can't forgive those dorks. Why i continue being mad at them. Why i don't want to forgive them." We're already infront of the school but i can't leave the car. Not now that mom is starting to tell the truth. Not now that mom is saying something, opening something about her and the other eight.

"Simply because they betrayed me." She said in a bitter smile making me sigh. I shook my head and then laugh...she's truly a hard headed one. "They betrayed me because they lied to me. They betrayed me because they kept a secret between us. They betrayed me because they didn't tell me their real purpose for kicking me out." She laugh and then continued, "They lied to me. They said things that hurted me the most just because they are so desperate to kick me out----but atleast, the one question that im most curious to know was answered..." She then starts tearing up.

"It's why they asked me to choose between them or my company. Atleast i knew why, because i've gone nuts for years because of that question." Mom said as tears starts to flow in her face. Her hands is in her lap while she's just looking down. Her hair was covering her face but by her sobs and those crystal-like falling in her lap...i know, she's crying.

"Taeyeon was right, i was a coward. I became just like her. I became coward. Tch, i thought it was nonsense before but it turns out like this, taeyeon is right." She raised her head and then starts wiping her tears using her bare hands. She then breath heavily once and faced me. I suddenly can't look at her. "S-sorry for the burden, Ice and yes, i already accepted their sorrys---tho, i should be the one to ask forgiveness." She cut and then laughed bitterly but then, she suddenly starts crying again. She's pyscho already.  "I already miss them... I miss them so much. I want to see them again, i want to chat with them again, i want to see our innocent maknae again, i want to see how is my favorite dongsaeng is--- if i can still prank her because she's too naive, i want to see sooyoung now with her husband since she really prayed for him every night, i want to see how the dark-skinned yuri doing, i want to see t-tiffany now so that i can converse to her using english like always, i want to see how hyoyeon's dance now---i want to brag that i i lived without her, it's just that it's no fun without her. I also want to see sunkyu, i want to see her aegyo once again even if it calls for a punch---even if she only shows it oncam,  i...do want to be close to taeyeon once again." Mom was crying, desparately. I gulped, i don't know what to do. She's crying so hard as if she can't hardly breath.

"I want to tell them how sorry i am for ignoring them for years. I want to tell them how good their acting was that i believed their bad attitude before kicking me out. I want to chat at laugh again at hyoyeon's joke. I want to sing and dance again with them again. I want to have interviews with them again, passing mics to each other because we hated answering the questions of press. I want to sleep with my roommates again. I want to talk to them again, having our serious talks. I want to have a drink with them again so i can video kim hyoyeon's drinking ability again. I want to see everything again. I want to have them again because it kills me reminascing what happened to us." Mom is trying not to cry but ended up crying anyway. ", i miss everything. I miss how noisy they are when im just spacing out on variety programs. Damn, i should have accepted their apologies then. I should have think matured...but everything can't happen now. They're in korea, Im in U.S...I guess, we can't really be friends again." Mom said. I gulped and sigh, im sorry mom, im sorry, i didn't thought of how hard it is for you. Aunt soojung was right. I've been so close minded for awhile. That my system already eaten myself.

I don't know what to say now. It's just, i don't know what to tell her. I want to comfort her but i don't know how to.

"I-i'll get going now. I still have c-classes." In the end, i've still stayed as Ice Wu who don't know how to act how she feels. "If you want to fix with them, please do it on your own. I told you, i don't want to get into your businesses again. Never. But please, be fixed with them, it's your own happiness, mom." I told her before leaving the hard tinted car of her.

As i start walking to the big gate, i still have a heavy heart. I don't know what to say no more.  I was already walking to the gate when i heard mom's wheels starts running.

I stopped walking and turn to the road. I gulped and smiled bitterly. I want to help mom because of what i saw awhile ago but no, i already said im not going to..., i'll not do plan b or c...or whatever. I don't want someone to get hurt again.

I gulped, "Everything is not too late. Girls' Generation will be flying here tomorrow."...it's just that, i will not help you to get fixed with them mom.

I laughed at how ironic this story is. I already gave up and then that's when mom will realize everything. Life is really mysterious. I wonder what will happen next.