Reminder : RAY AND MIN HYUN’S WEDDING

I sighed. Like as if there’s other thing I could do. It’s a big thing for my friends yet I can’t attend it due to a fan meeting. There’s no running away for this. Even my manager can’t help it.

‘Fan meetings were one of the things you fans would totally love. Do it for them’.

Sabrina words suddenly alarmed in mind. I had once complained to her how packed my schedules that I couldn’t see her. Her soft voice hollowed through the phone call and continuously reminded my how my fans were the ones who shaped me into who I am.

I refreshed my mind and pushed away the black cloud. I quickly crafted an apology text to the lovebirds before getting called by Suho hyung.

The show recording ended after 2 hours of shooting. But we couldn’t be so happy as we had a music show performance to catch up afterwards. This year’s Christmas comeback was a little bit different, well at least for me.

Sabrina’s here during last year Christmas. The whole thing affects me still even after nearing 5 months of her passing. My dreams of having Christmas Eve dinner with her buried deep at the back of my mind.

It was very hard to cope at first. Much harder because I have to act normal, but my manager cut me some slack, knowing the real situation. Same goes as my members. She’s right. Time will heal everything. But for now, it’s bearable.

Completely donned in my doctor attire, I uploaded a picture in my SNS, waiting to perform. It was my clothes designed for the stage. For the first time in my life, I’m kind of grateful to have such schedule, only because it keeps my mind away from the sadness. Not from Sabrina, but the fact she’s no longer here. My heart clenched everytime I was reminded of that.

And finally, it’s done for today. Earlier, the manager notified us saying after we’re done with this, we got a day off. Quickly, I texted Minho and forwarded the message to the couple. I fled the place afterwards, not leaving any trails for paparazzi to follow. Knowing me, the rest of the members didn’t say anything.

“Thank you for actually coming. I thought I have to see you guys before your departure,” I started off. The newlyweds arrived hand in hand, smiles plastered on their faces. They still looked fresh for people at 2 in the morning.

“Hey, you know it’s okay. It’s not like we’re leaving forever. We’re just going on a honeymoon,” Min Hyun replied comforting. Her way of speaking reminded of her.

I smiled in regret. “I’m really sorry that I couldn’t attend your wedding. I really wanted to, but yeah. It goes without saying,” I looked down. It’s really something I’m looking forward to, but I just couldn’t go.

“Hey bro. It’s okay. At least you made an effort to come down here and meet us, right? It’s enough,” Ray voiced out. He pat my shoulder, brother-affectionately.

Minho, who chose to stay silent until now finally speaks up. “So, when’s the departure time? Maldives huh? It’s one of my travel destination bucket list,”

Both of them smiled, giving shy looks. “Yeah, at 2pm later. We got our things packed, we’re just gonna head to the airport soon,” Ray clarified.

I was beyond touched after Minho informed me that it was Sabrina who arranged their honeymoon. She wouldn’t let death get in the way, not even when she’s preparing for her best friend’s wedding gift.

“And you. What are you planning now?” I turned to Minho. I could tell he was so tired, his eyebags are much worse than mine. Guess that our career are similar in a way. I’m so glad that he agreed to gather up at 2 in the morning at a hawker street downtown. There’s not much people at this hour and that’s a convenience for myself.

“Me? I’m planning to find the right girl and probably marry her and bring her to a wonderful place. But for now, I’m taking a week off because my eye bags are as a big as a golf ball and no one can stop me,” he belted out. We laughed at his statement, indeed his personality stayed the same even when he’s exhausted.

For the next hour, we talked about various topics, some of it on what they should do when they got there, and how Minho should spend his week off. They also didn’t miss the opportunity to congratulate on our latest comeback and how they’ve heard the song and they loved it. It’s nice spending free time with such nice people.

Before we part ways, Minho passed us letters from her. Apparently, Sabrina had appointed Minho to be her official postman, passing us letters every month after her death. I couldn’t figure out how someone’s at the brink of death could be so thoughtful.

Nowadays, the word death doesn’t scare me as much. Probably because it’s something I’ve experienced. Not me directly, but my loved one. And it became a reminder that it happens. We live and die.

Heading straight to her house after deciding to spend some hours there, since it’s been so long. In one of her previous letters, Sabrina told me to bring the boys here, just for fun. As another place of gateaway. But I didn’t consider that thoroughly yet. They’re boisterous, as much as I love them.

Sinking onto the couch, I braced myself before started reading. Her scent still lingered in the house, reminding me of our moments in here.

Dear Baekhyun,

It’s already 5 months I suppose. How are you holding on? I hope it’s getting better on your side. I’m doing great I suppose. Hey, I’m alive while I’m writing, keep that in mind. At least I got to see my parents. It’s all about perspective, don’t you think?

By the way, have they gotten married yet? Gosh, I’m basically guessing on every thing! You know, when I arranged their honeymoon trip, I basically said to the staff ‘My friends having a honeymoon, and I don’t know when. Here’s the money and you’ll arrange it later’. Funny, right?

Am I being too overboard with my humour? I’m sorry Baekhyun. As I said, this letter is not to make you harder to move on. I know you, that’s all you need to know.

And while I’m in the topic, I wanna clear you on something.

It’s okay to find a replacement. A replacement of me I mean. You’re young, and fine, and the looks, damn who wouldn’t want you. (Although I’m saying things that is matter-of-factly), but I do really mean it. Find someone who could also make you smile. You know, that gummy smile that made me melt everytime. I don’t mind.

Don’t be pressured or whatever. I’m just saying, so you would be reminded that someday you would also live in the cycle, like getting married and having kids. I bet you’re trying to get yourself busy nowadays, right? Huh, figures.

I’m literally staring at the wall, no more ideas of what to write. Always remember, I’ll watch over you. Do your best.

And I love you.

Love, faker.

At first, I chuckled. It still puzzled me on how a paper full of words could be so amusing. But then, trickles of tears started flowing. I don’t know how it is. It feels like she’s here beside me, but I couldn’t see her, touch her. She’s just… gone. Somehow, when I thought it over, it’s like she was being cruel, passing letters every month and stuffs like this.

But then again, she knew me very well. I missed her, and reading her writings was what of a way of dismissing those feelings.

Indeed, she knew me.

And even reminding me to find myself a girlfriend. You just couldn’t stop being yourself huh, Sabrina. You just had to lay out the best option even when you’re buried underground.

I dreamt of having a happy ending with you, but fate said that you’re only a few chapters in my book of life. Your presence outshone the past chapters and your departure would be light in the next. And I’m ultimately grateful for that.