After my meeting with his sister, I stopped seeing him and started avoiding him. I never answered his phone call anymore, and yes never  wanted to see him ever again in my life. He pleaded with me to at least see him, but I turned deaf ears. I can't be taken for a fool anymore. He lost the trust that i have for him and even her sister says is untrue, it won't be coming back,no matter what.

So I'm back at the thought of being alone, and there were times at night when I am so afraid that I will end up alone in my life forever. Is Jiro ,the only man that I will be loving in my life ? I wasted enough times already. I am 23 ,and this should be my prime. I should be enjoying life and what it could offer. But instead here I am ,alone in my room and just with my thoughts., far away from my family and the only people that loves me, and without the man that I love by my side.

I concentrated on my work, for it is the only one that I got right now. I go out with my friends on my off days,until I learned to enjoy life just being on my end. I strolled New York on my days off, learning it's every nooks and crannies. I enjoyed browsing it's stores and bookshops and museums and finding something special in there, I went back on my reading and then started learning how to drive and later on bought a car and learned to discover the world in my own eyes.

Somehow going and discovering new places along the way gave me certain thrill,certain happiness. I must be a lover of nature or maybe because the little off higways towns that I saw reminded me of my home. My childhood home, where i began to weave my dreams at an early age,  I love the quietness of the lake by fall, when it is so empty and when the leaves of the trees that surrounds her are changing it's color from green to golden brown or red. The stillness of the water calms my restless spirits.

I also love the ocean, sitting on its beaches by sundown, watching it goes down like a big ball of fire ,going under the water. I love seeing the sun rise on it too. The calm blue sky ,with the golden sun coming out on its slumber,and yes with the background music of the waves of the sun as it hits the shore.I love the feel of the sun on my barefeet too.

I traveled all over , from North to South and East to West. I leaned that there are more to life than just being in a relationship. I developed friendship too. I gained a lot of friends.And yes learned to leaned on them when in times of troubles. And later they became my very family away from home.

There is one thing that I have learned when you are single and unattached, People looked at you in a weird way and wondered what is wrong with you, They always thought ,that people should have a relationship at this stage of my life...which I just laugh it off. And so, I ended up being matched to every single man around the town. And though I tried to be polite but deep inside I really hated it. I felt that people don't trust me enough to find my own partner in life,

They would often asked, "Why you don't have a boyfriend ? " And i would go the lenght of explaining that I had one before but it didn't worked and then they will started shaking their heads. "Don't worry,I will find a nice guy for you "  I felt like I am not capable in doing just that,and as if my mission in life is just to find a man in my life. They said that they don't want me to be wasted,whatever it means...

I just got a letter from my Father and he has a mission in the city. He said ,he'll try to bring my Mom with him,so they can come and see me . I felt so happy learning that.It has been a while since I alst saw them. Somehow,i stopped thinking about them,cause whenever I think about them, it brings me much pain and then I will go to the cycle of missing them again. I wished I could go back home and stays there for good just like old times. But then i just know deep in my heart that I could never  go back there again. I have moved on and i won't be coming back anytime soon.  But then yes it will be so nice to see my parents ...and yes my siblings too again..