This time I was excited for fall semester.for alot of reasons but mainly because of Donghae. Here I am on my sophomore year and yes quite excited and quite inspired because I have this huge crush on Donghae.I was hoping for a continuation of our relationship.Donghae is now a senior already and yes his last year in the university and I have to move fast if ever I want something more to happen.

But sophomore year is harder than I thought.We have to take the major subjects now.Anatomy and Physiology is a major bummer they said,add Microbiology and it sure made one head spin. So much laboratory and so much memorizing to do.We have to know each muscle,each bone and every little part of human body.,plus each function of each.Nothing so much is getting into my pea size brain,especially when your brain rather think of only one person than every little parts of human body.

And yes I am back in being boy crazy again.It has been a while since i have this kind of feeling...Yesung seems so remote now,we don't even get in touch anymore. Kyuhyun is now involved to someone else I heard and heard that they are engaged or already married at a young age...But yes I am so crazy in love with Donghae that I thought of him everyday and every night. But instead of being agressive because of my feelings,I clammed up whenever he is around. I blushed like crazy and could not think of anything to say. yes I am so conscious when ever he is around. And so i hope that we can be go past the friendly greetings and smile, but then nothing has happen at all. I think i will have to wait forever for something to happen. And yet can't bring myself to be the one to break the ice...until I lose hope...So I thought he likes me,but then I might be wrong so I just keep mum about it and not tell a soul about my real feelings for him.

And then one day,I have learned the reason why...why he never came forward or say anything.,,,

There was a new girl in the our class and shew as a very pretty.She was a petite girl,with long black hair and a slim figure. Her face is so beautiful,well chiseled features,high bridge nose,big brown eyes with long lashes and red pouty full red lips in a clear smooth skin. She walked with a sway in her hips and with such confidence,and she knew that people will be looking at her and will find her beautiful and attractive.

"Do you know our new classmates?" Daisy asked me in a whisper. I shook my head.I never really knew her before.

"Her name is Jessica. Isn't she very pretty?" Luna asked.

"Yes,quite pretty. Even i can't help but looked at her. She is really pretty." I said.

"Do you know that she and Donghae are neighbors?" Daisy said.

"Really? I didn't know that,but how will I know." I said.Daisy looked at me as if fishing if I knew more about Donghae than what they already know. And of course I don't know anything about him,since we never talked at all.

"Well ,do you know that Donghae likes her and that they used to date." Daisy said. I swallowed hard at what I heard,and I have a hard time taking it in. I was so hurt hearing it. I didn't say anything,and showed no emotions at all in front of them but I feel like crying at that time....

"It is quite understandable,cause she is very pretty. And yes the two of them will look good together." Luna said

I just nodded and didn't trust myself to open up to them....But then I was hurting inside....And that night,I cried myself to sleep. I was hoping and dreaming of Donghae only to be crushed by that simple knowledge.I told myself that I won't be thinking of him ever again,and hated myself for falling for him.I felt so stupid for thinking other wise.....The only good things is that i never really revealed my feeling to anybody....at least my pride is still intact...but then it still hurts too much....I never wanted to be in love again...never ever again....

And the next day,I saw Donghae in the hallway again and this time,I ignored his smile and act as if I never saw him nor knew him at all. I never want to ever see him nor talk to him ever again. He can be with his Jessica for all I care ,I so hated him at that moment....But at night sometimes,I can't help but think of him....In as much as I have been ignoring him....I can't help but felt bad for him, and felt doubly bad that we can never be.....as I cried in my sleep...