It took me a year to get over Calvin and moved on with my life..Most of my friends are either committed or married now. Some of them are having kids and starting a family already. So one my free time I would find myself alone. And then constant state of being myself, then is the time that I found myself, and yes learned to like and love myself.

One would go around the city all by myself, doing things that I want to do, going to the places that I want to go, buying things that I want to have. Needless to say, I was being good to myself when all along, I have been used in sharing everything of my life, coming from a big family when you don't self and I but ours and we. I have also learned that being selfish is not that easy. It can be as hard as being unselfish ,when I tried to look at it.

And yes after being sorry for myself, and learning to love the I in me, I told myself that now I am ready to share and be with somebody ,and yes ready to open myself again for somebody new in my life. The truth is guys are always around wanting to date me but the hurt and pain are still there and it would not be fair to whoever if he takes the brunt of my anger and pain. Now I can feel that everything is all healed and that I owe it to myself to feel tha happiness of being in love again...for I am a very loving person...and I don't want that loving feeling go to waste..God will not want that.I believe that God has given me this to share it.

And then I met Aaron...the guy with that shy look and perfect smile. I just knew that he likes me when he cast his look on me. And I told myself,this guy likes me.And yet he did not do anything to get near me or get to know me. He is a brother of my bestfriend's husband, He just moved to the state because of his job, He is from California and has to move to New York because of his job. And as I usually will come and go to my friend's house and so I met him. At first it was just hi and hello..and nothing much.

He became a puzzle to me. He would look at me and sometimes stare whenever we see each other and yet he just never make a move. But then it was never the first time that this things happen. Guys will like me and yet will be too shy to ask me for a date. But my friend has been starting to tease me about him. That we will be good together,,,I just smiled at the thought....cause not unless he makes the move then I just knew that nothing will ever happen.

I still make myself available and dated other guys,but after the first date, there wlll always be something that will turn me off to a guy. The picky me returns again, cause maybe this time I know my worth,,,,I know I would not settle for the second best now....I want a guy who would truly love me this time, and I know I will not cling to him because I am afraid to be alone...It is true to what they says that you will become stronger after a fall and pain and hurt.

And then after more than a month a quietness from Aaron...suddenly from out of nowhere, he called me at home and just like that asked me for a date,,,and of course I said yes...for honestly I have been waiting for this. I just don't know when he will have the nerve to ask me....ha ha ha.And I think the poor guy almost fell of his chair {for he was in the office when he called me } when I said yes just like that. He never expected that I will say yes...

There was a grin on my face when I hang up on the phone. The excitement of the first date is back again just like when I was on my teens.But since I sort of know Arron and his family, then it is less intimidating on my part....and yes this time I think I am in love again...and we have been on our first date....it is so funny thinking about it now...