Betray My Heart...

Kris can’t believe it when he sees it, but there it is, as clear as day.

EXO’S TAO TO LEAVE EXO. SUES COMPANY AFTER FATHER’S LETTER.

And oh the irony hurts. It hurts bad.

But it doesn’t hurt as much as what happens the week after he sees the news, after Luhan’s texts him to make sure he’s okay, after Yixing messaged him saying that it’d be okay.

, even Junmyeon had the decency to call and make sure he was okay, and they hadn’t spoken in over a year.

And honestly he wasn’t okay, he especially wasn’t okay when there was a knock on his door and he opens it to see Tao’s face, smiling up at him sheepishly.

“Hey Yifan ge” Tao says, and Kris is seething. He’s so far past angry that all he wants to do is slam the door, or punch Tao in the face, or maybe both.

But instead he says calmly, “What do you want?”

“I want to talk… about all this” Tao tells him, and Kris feels like he’s going crazy.

Kris sighs, “there’s nothing I have to say to you” he says, and he’s close, so ing close, to just slamming the door, turning around and pretending this never happened, because it’s all just so ed up.

“That’s a lie” Tao says, cocky as always, and where Kris used to find that cockiness endearing, cute even, he now finds it fickle as .

Kris takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly before he looks Tao in the eye, “What do you want me to say? You ed me over and you know you did” Kris tells him, because Tao is obviously after blunt.

But there’s also something that Kris is after. And it’s to wipe that smug little smile off the younger’s face.

“I didn’t. I just realised you were onto something with this leaving EXO thing…” Tao shrugs, pushing his way into Kris’s apartment as though he has every right to be there.

And maybe he did at one point, but not now. Not after this.

“What the do you think you’re doing?” Kris asks, his voice is calm, but inside he’s on fire. He’s never gotten over the idea of being a dragon. And honestly, it’s at times like this he understands why he identified with one so well.

“I’m waiting for you to close the door so we can talk. I don’t want your neighbours hearing. I… I want you back, Yifan” Tao says, and he looks determined, he looks like he knows he’ll get what he wants, and Kris finds it almost funny that Tao’s face isn’t gonna be looking like that once he’s through with him.

If Tao wants to talk that bad, , Kris can talk. Kris has a lot to say.

Slowly, Kris closes the door before leading the way into his living room. He watches as Tao makes himself comfortable on the plush grey sofa, but Kris just stands, because honestly, he doesn’t want to be anywhere near his ex-boyfriend right now, let alone sitting all cosy on the sofa with him.

“Yifan… I never stopped loving you, you know”

Kris scoffs, “That’s rich” he says, “Considering when  I left all that came out of your mouth was ‘he betrayed exo’ and then after that, on shows if they asked about you, you’d just have little digs and basically say I left you all behind, when you knew full-ing-well what I was having to go through”

“I was told to say those things” Tao defends himself half-heartedly.

Kris scoffs again, “I know you Zitao. I know your ing mannerisms. You meant what you said. And then crying in the practice room so that all of the fans could hear you? You’re an attention seeking little brat. And I wish I’d realised it sooner.”

“You don’t mean that… If I hadn’t have ended things, we’d been fine right now” Tao shrugs, picking the non-existent dust from his trousers.

Kris is almost at breaking point, “No, they sure as hell would have. Because you’re selfish. You’re so ing selfish Zitao. You sit there on your high horse acting like you’re the only person that has ever had to put up with hardships, when you’re not. You don’t think that what you did made you seem like the biggest hypocrite going? You tell people that you’re going to rest your injury, but what are you really doing, hmmm? Bet there’s a solo debut around the corner, isn’t there?

 “It’s funny, when I left, you all ing hated me. Luhan left and it was like ‘oh, so long brother, we still love you’ and why? I didn’t even get a ing choice the first time I took a break. SM forced me out, then brought me back to practically kill me. I ing love those men, with all my goddamn heart, but you… You’re just about you. And people are starting to see it.

 “At least Luhan felt bad about leaving them behind. At least he did it himself. At least I did it myself. You hid behind daddy, because you’re too chicken to stand up on your own”

Tao rolls his eyes, “Are you finished?”

“No, I’m not ing finished! Have you even though about anyone other than yourself? Do you not see all the that Yixing is getting for this? All the backlash about Junmyeon not being a good leader? You didn’t even say anything about it. No statement, no anything. You could have at least let people know that those guys are ing golden and the only bad thing in this whole mess is the ty company that they work for” Kris seethes.

“How is it my fault if Lay and Suho get backlash? I didn’t do anything wrong!” Tao snaps, getting to his feet.

Finally. Finally, Kris thinks, because they’re going to fight now. And that’s what he’s needed for the past year. The fight they never had back then, but can have now.

Kris smirks, “It’s your fault because people know what you’re going to do. People know this about taking some time off to heal is a load of bull. You’re gonna be back in a few weeks, you’re gonna put your game face on and come out as a solo act. I wouldn’t be surprised if you diss EXO in the songs you’re planning” The uncomfortable look on Tao’s face is enough for Kris to know he’s right.

“You don’t know anything” Tao whispers, “You don’t know how they were when you left. They could have treated me like sh-”

“Don’t! You ing dare. You can say all the about me you want. I can look after myself, but you dare to insult any one of those lads, and I will personally see to it that you never walk again. How can you even sit here and insinuate that Junmyeon was anything less of an angel to you. He treated you like a brother, was there for you when you missed home. , even Baekhyun was there for you, through thick and thin. Kyungsoo… Jongdae… Minseok… The lot of them would have walked to the end of the Earth and back for you. And this is how you repay the love they gave you? The love I gave you?”

Tao has the decency to look a little ashamed as he sighs and looks at the floor, “I just… I want you back, Yifan. I love you, and I don’t know how I’ve managed without you”

“You’ve managed because you had people there. And now those people are gone, you’ve come running back to me because I’m something familiar” Kris says, “I loved you once, Tao. I really did. But you broke my ing heart. You said I betrayed you, and them. You said that I let you guys down. That I was a traitor. You said all the things that I was afraid people would think about me.

 “But the jokes on you. Because my fans, my friends, my family, they know the truth. They know that I’m not that kind of person. You on the other hand… I don’t even recognise you anymore”

Tao frowns, there are tears in his eyes, but Kris is so far past caring at the point. He’d shed enough tears over Huang Zitao, and he wasn’t about to shed anymore. Especially not in front of him.

“I didn’t hide behind anyone” Tao says quietly, “I didn’t even know he was going to do that letter”

“Bull” Kris says back, his voice just as quiet as Tao’s, but there’s no mistaking the rage hidden beneath his calm exterior, “Why did you even come here, Zitao. You should have known that I’d want nothing to do with you. You… You’re nothing to me anymore”

Tao looks up at that, the hurt in his eyes evident, and Kris feels sorry for him, not because he wants to open his arms and welcome Tao back, but because he pities him.

“How can you say that? After everything we’ve been through! You were my everything, Yifan! You still are!” Tao says, and he’s crying now. He’s really, really crying, “you were fine when you met with Luhan again! So why not me, huh!”

“BECAUSE LUHAN DIDN’T STAB ME IN THE BACK!” Kris shouts, and Tao flinches back slightly at the unexpected outburst. Kris feels a little bad, he never wants to scare Tao, he just wants him to realise the pain he’s been putting people through.

Tao bites his lip to fight his tears, “You always told me that it was important to look after yourself. That’s what I’m doing”

“I meant only if it doesn’t mean stepping on people to do so. Yeah, your health is more important that helping someone else out at times, but to completely throw your second family under the bus… They were your brothers Zitao…” Kris sighs, “They were your family and they needed you”

Tao looks sad, “I… You left too. They – we – needed you too”

“This isn’t about me. And besides, I spoke to Junmyeon before it all went down. He knew what was happening. You all did to some extent. It wasn’t that shocking. But you… You talked a tough game about family sticking together, about never turning your backs on one another, and yet here you are… And then you unfollow them all on social media as if you’re better than them now, when you’re not.

 “And d’you wanna know the worst part? I bet they aren’t even mad at you. They’re probably just hurt that you’d turn away like you did. That you’d act like this was about your health when really it was about your ego. About you wanting a bigger spotlight. And don’t even bother to deny it, because we both know that I’m right”

“Is it wrong to want to make something of myself?” Tao argues, “Is it wrong to want to be something?!”

Kris laughs bitterly, “Of course not. But you already were something. I don’t think you’re a bad person for leaving a company that was basically poison. I think you’re bad for doing it the way you did”

“Like you did it any better?” Tao shoots back, and Kris smiles, it’s not a happy smile. It’s not even a sad smile. It’s a pitying smile, and he knows that a pitying smile to Tao is like a blow to the chest.

Kris folds his arms over his chest as he looks at the boy in front of him, the boy that’s so different from the one he first met. The one he fell in love with.

This boy in front of him isn’t Tao. It’s someone that Kris doesn’t recognise. It’s someone that he isn’t sure he wants to know.

He knew that Tao’s confidence was growing, he knew that it was bordering on arrogance, but he was still always Tao. Still the kid that couldn’t shower alone, or cried when his band members were hurting.

But this Tao… This Tao looked like he was lacking a conscience. And maybe it was working for SM that had done it to him. Corrupted him to the point that that little boy was a lost thing. A myth of a person. But it didn’t excuse that Tao was no longer Kris’s Tao. No longer EXO’s Tao.

That Tao was gone.

“I did. We all knew from the minute I was forced to take that leave that it wasn’t gonna end happy for me. It ing killed me to leave, but I could have ing died, Tao. And I’m not even exaggerating. If they had kept me going as I was, I could have needed surgery – if they’d have let me have it – and they could have ing killed me. I needed to get out of there.

 “And okay, you were hurt, you had injuries and you needed to leave to. But the way you did it… You hid behind your dad, you pretended you’d be back, gave the fans – , gave the guys – false hope, only to throw all that support back in their faces. I know you still have a ton of support, but what does it matter what the fans think? They don’t know you like I do… Or used to. I’m not sure that I even know you anymore” Kris trails off, shaking his head sadly.

Tao tilts his head up, stopping any tears from flowing, “Do you really hate me that much?” he asks.

“I thought I did” Kris tells him honestly, “I thought I loathed you. But no… I don’t. I just… I’m disappointed, and hurt more than anything. But mostly, I pity you”

“I’m gonna publically apologise, you know. For everything I said about you” Tao takes a deep breath, “I meant it. I did, at the time, because I was hurting. Because I loved you and you left…”

Kris sighs, “I told you that we could keep our relationship. I told you that we would work it out, but you told me to leave. You told me that you didn’t want anything to do with me” he said, his voice stern, but there was a waver there. He wasn’t heartless, he knew that he still loved Tao, but he couldn’t trust him anymore. He couldn’t be put through that heartbreak again.

He couldn’t give Tao his everything again, just to have it thrown away like before.

“I regret it all. I know that I came in here, looking like I didn’t give a , but you know me Yifan. You know that it’s just a… a front” Tao croaks out, looking down at his feet.

“Don’t.” Kris says, his voice slightly harsher than before, “Don’t you dare. You don’t get to be the one that’s upset here. You don’t get to act like you’re the one that needs to be coddled and told that it’s all alright, because it isn’t. It’s not fair. You act like you’ve been on your own throughout this whole mess, but you haven’t. That’s the difference between what happened with me and Lu, and what you did. Me and Luhan kept it purely between us and SM. You had to go and drag the members into it. You’re just a selfish kid, Zitao. And I wish I could have seen that sooner, so save myself the pain of going through this whole thing with you”

Tao sighs, wiping his eyes on the back of his sleeve. He looks up to say something, but something catches his eye, “You have their new album?”

Kris follows his eye to see two copies of the Love Me Right album on the shelf, one of each version, “Of course I do. I may not be a part of EXO now, but EXO is always a part of me, and they’re still my brothers. I’ll always support them” he says pointedly, “Look, I think you should leave. This isn’t going to end how you want it to”

Tao nods, “I… Despite everything, it was nice seeing you again, Yifan” he says as the two of them walk back down the hallway to the front door.

Kris opens the door and lets Tao step out into the hallway of the apartment building, “I wish I could say the same” he tells Tao.

And although he doesn’t mean it in a malicious way, he sees the hurt flicker through Tao’s eyes.

It hurts him, it really does, because as much as he can’t stand Tao for how he handled things, he still loves him. But there’s no trust there anymore. And love without trust is nothing.

“Goodbye… Tao” Kris says quietly, and then he’s shutting the door and not waiting to hear Tao’s reply, because he sees Tao’s tears starting to fall.

He shuts the door just in time too, because as soon as it’s closed, he starts to sob. Really, really sob. He makes it back to the sofa, where he curls up and sobs harder, only just managing to grab his phone and hit dial on the number of the person he knows has always got his back.

“Hello?”

“Luhan? He… He came by…”

“I’ll be there in ten. Just sit tight, Yifan. I’m on my way” and that’s all Luhan says before he hangs up.

It’s tough. It’s been a tough year, but Kris knows that he’ll pull through it.

Because he might not be with them physically anymore, and neither might Luhan, or even Tao, but he knows in his heart of hearts, that there’s nothing that can bring them apart emotionally, because they’re the twelve forces, as cheesy as it sounds, and to Kris, they will always be one.

So he might not be able to forgive and forget, he might not be able to see him face to face just now, but there’ll be one day when he can look Tao in the eye again, and even if they can’t be lovers like they were, they can be friends, and to Kris, that would be more than enough to see him through.

Fin.

A/N: So... I'm just gonna leave that here...