We are one...

He takes my hand and I breathe a sigh of relief. I’d been waiting for my moment to say all the things that I needed to say. To say sorry for what I’d said and done in the past.

“That’s the funny thing about words. Once they’re out there, there’s no getting them back.” Tao is sitting in front of the camera with a woman, the woman that is paid to ask him question after question. The woman that’s paid to try and drag ever last dirty detail of his life out of him.

And where Tao would usually try to hide a lot of things, when this woman had asked the question, “So, before you left your group in Korea, there were other members that left. You treated their departures very differently. Why were you so bitter about the departure of Wu Yifan? And have you spoken to him since you left yourself?” he found that he wanted to talk about it. That he wanted to make people understand.

He knew that there would be people out there that hated him, and he’d long since accepted that. He used to be in a place where it killed him to know that there were people that didn’t like him, people that hated him. But now it was part of life. Maybe he’d been naïve in thinking he’d be everyone’s cup of tea, but was it wrong for him to have hoped?

He knew that he was selfish a lot of the times, that he forgot to think of others, but he was a kid, and though it sounded like a poor excuse, it was the truth. He was a child that had been in an industry where you’re told you’re special, but replacable, where you’re a star, but can easily have your light extinguished. That you bring in the money, but there are a million others lined up to do the same if you step so much as a toe out of line.

So when the company had told him to shame Kris with his words, he had done. And he’d meant them to. But now… When he looks back, he realises his words, his actions. They were that of a spoilt child, because even when Kris had been so… so dead on his feet, he’d only thought of his own damn self. And that was one of the many things he’d forever regret.

“You don’t get to decide if you’ve hurt somebody. They know if you have or not. And though he didn’t say it, I hurt him more that I could have ever dreamed of hurting another person”

He was letting it all out know, letting the world know his side of the story. He knew that Kris had spoken of it briefly, but he’d never spoken about the personal relationships that were damaged as a result. Only the reason that he’d parted with EXO, with SME. He doubted if Kris would ever make a statement as to who hurt him and who supported him, because Kris had always been such a private person with matters like such. Even if he’d been hurt, he’d never call anyone out publicly.

Kris looked like a cold person on the outside, but it never took anyone too long to figure out he was one of the warmest people you could ever meet and that you really can’t judge a book by its cover.

“I was hurt when he left, but that isn’t justification of my actions. I was young and selfish and I could only see my view of the situation, I never stopped to think about how it must have been for him.

 “The company that we had signed with… They were cold and uncaring” he said, perhaps taking about SM Entertainment would come back to bite him in the at some point or another, but it was time people really understood what it meant to be a part of them.

People knew how terrible the trainees, the idols were treated in that place, and still nobody dared to move against them. It kind of made him laugh, the mentality of some fans. Of course it wasn’t all of them. But there were the fans that would beg and plead for the idols to be allowed to rest, but as soon as the pressure became too much for their favourite star, and they left that abuse world, it was as though they’d been betrayed. It was as though a new song was worth more than the health of the person they were ‘in love with’ or ‘admired’.

It sicken him a lot of the time that when people were hurt and tired and needed medical attention, they would push through the pain and their fans would condone it. Would cheer them on with a ‘fighting’ and a ‘ you’re so strong’ but the moment their bodies buckled under the weight of the pain and pressure that had been forced upon them it was ‘well you knew what you were getting into’ and ‘you should have pushed on, you’re disappointing your fans’.

Would people ever realise that you never know what you’re getting into when it came to that kind of mental and more often than not, physical, abuse. You’d never be able to prepare yourself for having every ounce of humanity stripped from yourself and being treated as though you were nothing more than an animal, an insect for you people to gawk at and laugh at. For people to sit and judge as if they knew you, as though they had that right.

Tao sighed, “And Yifan… He was the kind of person that wouldn’t want to burden others with his problems. We should have realised, but at the time, as twelve boys caught up in the fame, in the lights and the cheers, we were too tired to notice anything else. We had become so… so desensitised to the bad things around us, it was almost enough to make you want to throw up when you thought about it. But we weren’t allowed to think about it.”  He choked back a lump in his throat before he was able to continue, “My brothers… they would collapse off stage and we’d walk on thinking nothing of it because it had become a normal feature of our everyday lives.

 “We were blinded to the pain of the people we called our family and for what? Because we were forced to push through our own. At the start… If we saw one another fall, we’d be right over at their side, making sure they were okay, that they weren’t hurt, but we’d be ushered away and yelled at because we’d interrupted practice, or rehearsals…

 “And the more it happened, the less we saw it, because we were trying to remain standing ourselves. We didn’t talk about it when we were back home. It was like… a taboo kind of subject, but if we had problems, we’d still talk to each other, we’d still share the burden because we were a family. Because we loved each other like real brothers and we cared more about each other than we did about any fame, or money, or anything like that”

He took a deep breath and looked out at the studio audience. All of them were silent, so silent you’d be able to hear a pin drop. There were no shouts of love, or cheering. Hell, they weren’t even holding up their signs anymore. No, it was a silent studio, all of the people in their hanging onto his every word. Ready, eager to hear the story that had been kept under wraps for so long. Sure, he’d mentioned it before in brief, but this was everything all at once, and they were there to hear it all. There to witness it.

And Tao was nothing if not good at telling a story. He wouldn’t deny that he liked the attention, and in moments like these, he could use that love of attention to let the world know his side of things. And even if they never heard Kris’s side of it all, at least he could say he did his best to portray how it had been for him.

“So when Yifan announced that he was leaving us, it hurt. It hurt a hell of a lot, and to me… it felt like betrayal, although I understand it when I look back now. All I could think of was how I’d lost my closest friend. My brother in arms. And I only selfishly thought of my own feelings. I didn’t know until much later, the severity of his problems.

 “I know many fans of EXO, and of Yifan will see this broadcast and think that I’m only saying such things to seem like I’m not a hypocrite and I understand that. I’d probably think the same if I were in their position.

 “I hope, genuinely, that Yifan lives well and does good for himself, because he deserves happiness. We all do. I know that I made a mistake in what I said and did, but I’m only human.”

He hoped that people would understand that. Because he was only human, he had his flaws, he had his downsides, and he had made mistakes, but everyone had.

“I can be held accountable for my mistakes, but we all make them. Nobody’s perfect, and I’m most certainly not claiming to be.

 “I hope in the future that Yifan can forgive me and that maybe we can build a friendship again, though I understand if he’d not want such a thing.

 “I’m still young and I have a lot to learn. I’ve made mistakes, but I’ve also come to learn from them. I was foolish and I hurt my relationship with a dear friend, but people seem to forget that in this my feelings were valid too.

 “Of course he didn’t owe me the truth of how bad the situation was with SME, but as my friend, he should have known he could talk to me.

 “I think it’s hard because not only has this all happened, it’s happened publically. We’re in the eye of the public most of the time, and we can’t do anything like this privately. It causes such an uproar, and I think that it’s so hard to deal with.

 “People are clawing at any drama they can find and it makes everything so much worse in the long run.

 “Had this been a private affair, perhaps it would have gone differently, but as it stands this is how it is.

 “We haven’t spoken since he left EXO, though I hope to reach out to him so that we can talk privately about what has happened”

It was a sad thing to admit, but he was trying to be completely honest with what he said. He hasn’t really spoken to anyone since he left either, but he isn’t all that surprised. He could have probably left in a better way, but all he could think about at the time was getting out.

He felt bad that he had to leave his friends to get away, hell he felt bad about the way he’d gotten away.

But what was done, was done.

 “Until now I have nothing more to say on the matter. Thank you, and goodbye”

Tao left the studio after thanking the staff for their hard work. He felt tired and hurt. Talking about the past had felt like rubbing salt in freshly opened wounds.

He missed Kris a lot, but they’d both made their beds and now it was their time to lie in the,.

He headed out to the parking lot and saw a tall figure stood by his car.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who it was.

“That was one hell of a speech” Kris said by means of greeting.

“I do like to be dramatic” Tao said softly, “You know me.”

Kris hummed, “I used to at least. It’s been almost two years now” he replied, taking a couple of steps closer to Tao, “Are you really sorry, or was that all for show?” he asked.

Tao sighed, that was probably deserved, “I meant what I said” he told the older man, his old friend, this now stranger, “I am sorry. I was hurt, but I should have handled it better. You were hated a lot because of me and you didn’t deserve that.”

Kris smiled slightly, “Yeah, suppose not wanting to pop my clogs at twenty-four was a pretty fair reason to not want to be hated on” he said calmly, “I won’t lie, I really didn’t like you for the longest time. I thought you were selfish, and bratty, and just wanted the attention like always. You took it a step too far… but I am sorry that I didn’t tell you how it was. It’s not that I didn’t want to, it was that if I had, I’d have been a lot worse off because of it. The executives at SME… they threatened me. If I’d have told anyone how things were, well, I really don’t think I would have lived to see my twenty-forth birthday” he shrugged sadly.

Tao frowned, his eyes watering slightly, “Now I feel like an even bigger douche” he admitted.

“I didn’t come here on the grounds to play happy families right off the bat” Kris said, “But, well, happens. And we’re both moving on with our lives. So how about we get coffee and talk over this like grown-ups?” he suggested, offering Tao his hand.

Tao’s lips curled up into a tiny smile, “I’d like that” he said softly, “I’d like that a lot”

He takes my hand and I breathe a sigh of relief. I’d been waiting for my moment to say all the things that I needed to say. To say sorry for what I’d said and done in the past.

Now was my shot, to prove finally that no matter how far apart we all are in distance, we are always one in spirit. Because we one.

We are… no matter if we leave, no matter if we stop the music, or the songs. We will always be EXO.

For always.

A/N: I can't lie, I'm not the biggest fan of Tao,
but I never really have been. Still, in these
situations there are always two sides to one coin.
Like everyone, I don't know the story, but I do
know I can make a good story out of it ;) haha
Really though, I hope you liked it
Happy new year guys!