My own madness

They say you can become addicted to madness, that it can draw you in and never let you back out.

All words and wives tales, is what Kyungsoo had thought of it, until the madness caught him…

Kyungsoo was an easy going man, had friends and knew how to enjoy himself. But he was careful. Always careful.

The madness hit him with a grin and that was all it took, really, for him to be dragged into the depths of something he knew that he would never truly be free of.

It didn’t creep up on him like everyone and their mother said it did. It didn’t whisper sweet words into his ear or coax him into the darkness with soft alluring fingers.

No, this madness crashed into him on a cold September morning and cursed its clumsy feet.

The madness gripped his wrist as it pulled him back to his feet and annoyed him enough that he was going to give this madness a very strongly worded piece of his mind, but then the madness grinned out an apology and Kyungsoo was addicted.

Kyungsoo found that he didn’t like the addiction, didn’t like that he was forever watching his madness with careful eyes and calculated thoughts. He didn’t like the way his heart would feel so close to combustion with each hit. Nor the longing for the next, when his madness left him with his own thoughts.

Kyungsoo’s madness was both bitter coffee on a cold winter’s morning and mildew coated grass on a spring one.

His madness was a suffocating breath of fresh air and Kyungsoo didn’t know how to satisfy his addiction.

Or maybe he did. And subconsciously, he didn’t want to.

Kyungsoo’s madness clung to him through cautious tanned fingers. It watched him through dark, curious eyes. It spoke to him through thick, soft lips. And no matter where he looked, Kyungsoo could find no escape from it.

It was always there.

In the mornings waiting by his front door. Between classes with an arm over his shoulders. After college with a soft smile by the classroom door. In the evenings on the sofa, sitting too close as the television provided background noise. Sometimes even at night when it didn’t want to retreat back to its own room only two doors down.

Those nights were the ones that drove Kyungsoo to insanity. Where his madness would curl into him beneath thin covers – always refusing to wear more than one item of clothing on his lower half – its hot skin pressed into Kyungsoo’s. The soft, sighed breaths that fanned over Kyungsoo’s neck made him want to scream or cry or something. But he couldn’t because Kyungsoo was a careful man. Always careful.

But god, how he ached for his madness to consume him. To take everything he had and then some. Because an arm around the waist as he slept wasn’t enough anymore. He needed a stronger hit. A heavier dose of anything his madness could offer.

But no, Kyungsoo was ever careful and he knew better than to let himself slip. He remained cool headed and didn’t give away that he was on the brink of insanity as his madness continued to pull him in every-which-way.

And he was so brilliantly careful, so very brilliantly careful… Until he wasn’t.

***

A familiar weight settled over Kyungsoo’s shoulders as the couch dipped beside him. He paid it no mind, so used to the invasion of his personal space by now. This had been the case for over a year now, since that day the idiot beside him had knocked right into and sent him hauling to the floor on his .

Still, he tried to pay it no mind as he listened to Chanyeol rattle on about how Baekhyun had almost broken his finger yesterday at the skate park.

“… And the crunch made me feel sick” Chanyeol shuddered.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, “Blame Minseok, he pushed me!” he defended himself, pointed a bandaged finger at the elder.

Minseok snorted, “No regrets” he offered with an easy shrug, “You got in my way”

“Got in your way?!” Baekhyun demanded, “You literally came over to the same ramp as me just so you could be a ” he narrowed his eyes.

But Minseok laughed again in return, “Oh, come on. It’s not like you actually broke your finger” he wrapped and arm around Baekhyun’s waist and pulled him closer, “We all know you aren’t really mad at me” he raise a brow.

“I hate you” Baekhyun mumbled, turning back to chat with Chanyeol, and doing his best to ignore Minseok’s laughter despite leaning into the elder’s hold on him.

Kyungsoo let out a small laugh of his own at that. Minseok had always been pretty good at not giving a whilst still being a great friend.

“What are you doing later?” a soft voice whispered into his ear, the ever present lilt there making Kyungsoo shudder.

Kyungsoo took a moment to steady himself, “Same as always; nothing” he replied smoothly.

A soft laugh rang out from plump lips beside his ear, “Wrong. You’re having a movie night with me”

“What if I’m bored of you?” Kyungsoo shot back playfully.

Another laugh, “Impossible”

That was true. After all, Kyungsoo really was addicted.

“Alright, fine” Kyungsoo relented, “You’re a pain”

“But I’m your pain”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, “Oh, bite me, Jongin”

And unlike most… Kyungsoo’s madness had a name.

Jongin chuckled, “I might. If you ask nicely” he purred, giving Kyungsoo a soft peck on the cheek before turning to look at Sehun, who was sat on the other sofa opposite them. “Yo, Hun – Can I borrow your Harry Potter box set tonight?”

Sehun looked at him suspiciously, “No” came his reply, almost like he didn’t trust Jongin – which to be fair, he didn’t. Not since Jongin had lost Pinku Pinku.

“Oh come on!” Jongin whined, unconsciously leaning more into Kyungsoo’s space, “You’re not still hard up about the doll are you?”

“HE WASN’T A DOLL!” Sehun shouted, making the rest of their group stare at him in shock, “And I don’t care. You’re not borrowing my Harry Potter. Ever”

Jongin frowned, “Some best friend you are” he huffed.

“You lost my childhood friend!” Sehun shot back, “You could be the queen of England and I still wouldn’t let you touch any more of my things. Ask Tao or something”

Jongin scoffed, “ off” he said, “I’m not talking to him, the ing arsehole”

“What did he do now?” Sehun asked, raising a brow, their fight already forgotten.

Jongin sighed, “He pissed on my door. All because he saw me hugging Kris. Like, who the does that?”

“Stalkers” Kyungsoo offered unhelpfully.

Jongin rolled his eyes, “Shut up” he said without malice.

Kyungsoo snickered, nudging Jongin with his elbow, “Make me”

“Don’t temp me” Jongin smirked, revelling in the way that Kyungsoo froze slightly at the implication in his words. He wasn’t an idiot, despite what people thought, he definitely wasn’t oblivious. He knew that Kyungsoo felt something for him, and really, they had been dancing around each other since they’d met.

He had thought he was being pretty obvious himself – as did everyone other than Kyungsoo – but he knew that if they carried on like this, they wouldn’t be getting anywhere.

So it was about time he just did something to show Kyungsoo that his feelings most definitely were not one sided.

Kyungsoo blinked slowly before a small smirk curled over his lips, “Or what?” he challenged now that he had regained his composure.

So maybe he was careful, maybe he didn’t want to give himself away, but he knew that he was fooling himself, knew that Jongin could read him like a book, and his eyes gave him away more than anything. So what was the point in being careful anymore? Was there one?

Maybe… Maybe it was time to let himself be swallowed whole by the madness that pressed into him. Maybe it was time to simply take a leap of faith.

“Are you sure you wanna know?” Jongin raised a brow, almost teasing, but not quite. Kyungsoo would have said it was more of a silent dare than anything else, and he wasn’t one to back down, not when it came to Jongin at least.

Kyungsoo sat up straighter in defiance, “Try me” he practically purred, a small wave of vindictive pleasure running through him at the way Jongin’s eyes widened in surprise whilst obviously supressing something of a shudder.

“If you two are finally gonna , can you maybe not do it in front of everyone?” Sehun deadpanned, watching the pair with a look akin to that of a displeased head teacher.

Kyungsoo promptly choked on his own tongue as Jongin threw a string of curse words at Sehun.

That got the others’ attention.

“He kind of has a point” Baekhyun shrugged, squirming slightly as Minseok mouthed playfully at his neck.

Minseok looked up briefly to shoot Kyungsoo a smarmy smirk, “It’s true, you’ve both been -footing around each other since the day you met”

“Have not” Jongin said indignantly, but the way his voice had got up an octave just made Minseok’s smirk widen knowingly.

Even Kyungsoo was fighting away the urge to roll his eyes at the younger boy.

“Because you and Baekhyun were so much better” Kyungsoo deadpanned, “Oh I love him, oh I hate him, oh I love him, oh I hate him” he snorted.

Minseok grinned easily, “Still have him though, don’t I?” he pointed out, obvious challenge in his voice.

Jongin glance at Kyungsoo, waiting, just waiting.

And Kyungsoo could feel those eyes boring into him, watching him, anticipating his next move. It was make or break, and Kyungsoo knew that the moment was there.

The moment he would quit, or let his madness take him under and never let him back up.

It was like anything, that one last smoke that would never be the last. One more drink on a Friday night that turned into you not returning back home until the wee hours of the morning when the sun started to rise.

It was one more bite of the chocolate you hid under your bed. One more scar against a collection of them.

One more that was never just one more.

But unlike most addictions, Kyungsoo’s made him stronger, so much stronger. But so much weaker all at once.

And so he had to make that choice. Did he keep his head above the water, or did he let himself be pulled under and dragged along with the tide.

“Jongin” he said calmly, his eyes still boring into Minseok’s, “You wanna get out of here?”

The collective silence from their friends that followed was enough to make Kyungsoo feel like he might suffocate on the tension alone.

But then there was a soft laugh and Jongin’s smile grew, “I thought you’d never ask” he said.

And Kyungsoo let himself be pulled under.

He let Jongin pull him up by the wrist, much like that first day, only this time there was no awkward apology, only sure fingers around his pale wrist that lead him away from the crowd and down the halls, further and further into isolation.

Further and further under the mass of water.

Until they were stood face to face in Kyungsoo’s ty little room, door closed behind them, lock clicked as a second thought and it was getting harder and harder to breathe right.

Then Jongin took a step closer, and Kyungsoo didn’t move away.

He didn’t move when Jongin took another, and another, and then one more under they were nose to nose and he could feel Jongin’s shaky breath on his lips.

“Tell me that you want this” Jongin whispered, “I need to hear you say it”

Kyungsoo swallowed hard, this was it. The strongest fix he could get his hands on, the only fix he needed and there is was, being offered to him on a silver platter.

Who was he to turn that down?

He reached out with certain fingers, touching Jongin’s cheek, feeling what he had been wanted to get his hands on for so long, “I want this” he said, voice scratchy and thick.

So Jongin nodded, closing his eyes as he allowed Kyungsoo’s finger tips to trail over his cheeks, along his jaw, tracing over those plump, alluring lips.

Kyungsoo was mesmerised as he brought up a second hand and laid both of his palms over Jongin’s chest, feeling the steady beat of the other boy’s heart. Thump, thump, thump.

Kyungsoo wanted to feel it more. He needed it.

It was amazing how he took his time, opening up the buttons of Jongin’s shirt and letting his fingers graze over Jongin’s bronze skin, lower and lower, feeling those heavenly abs tense and un-tense  beneath them.

Jongin’s breathing had picked up by the time Kyungsoo pushed the open shirt from his shoulders. He watched it drop to the floor in silent promise.

He placed his hands on Jongin’s chest again and applied a light pressure, pushing Jongin back, guiding him blindly to the bed until they were right in front of it.

He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath of his own to calm himself. He could feel the erratic beating of his own heart, but it only fuelled him more.

He didn’t want to be careful now. He didn’t want that control.

He wanted to lose himself, to feel everything that Jongin had to offer. He was hooked, and he never wanted to not be.

He watched his own hands in awe as they popped open the button of Jongin’s jeans before pulling the zipper down, letting them reveal just enough to make Kyungsoo want to just dive in, but not enough to make him do so.

He lowered himself to his knees before he tugged down the jeans, letting them pool around Jongin’s ankles.

He took a moment to take in the sight before him, Jongin’s eyes were still squeezed closed, his chest was rising and falling a little too fast for normal breathing, and God, was he beautiful.

He tapped on Jongin’s right shoe and waited for him to lift his foot slightly so that he could pull it off and place it to one side before repeating the process with the second.

And after a moment, he helped to remove the jeans completely, tossing them carelessly behind him. He tentatively placed a hand on either of Jongin’s ankles before sliding them up, up, up his legs, ignoring the slight tickle from the hairs that resided there until they came to a stand-still on the boy’s thighs.

The room was silent, bar their laboured breathing. The anticipation was perhaps too much, but it didn’t matter, Kyungsoo was going to take his time, he was going to enjoy every moment of this.

He took his hands away and stood again, pressing himself close to Jongin. And after a moment of thought, he tip-toed up and pressed a chaste kiss to the boy’s lips, smiling slightly as Jongin’s head moved forward to chase him as he moved away.

He waited a second, then in a moment of thought, kicked off his own shoes, uncaring of where they went.

It was a minute later that Jongin opened his eyes again, looking at Kyungsoo with a want so raw it was almost unnerving.

“Your turn” Kyungsoo said quietly. Taking a step back and waiting.

Unlike Jongin, his eyes stayed open to watch as Jongin’s hands came over his body, removing him from his clothes, piece by piece until he was down to only his underwear, but Jongin didn’t stop, and Kyungsoo didn’t want him to.

He tucked his fingers into the waistband of Kyungsoo’s boxers and tugged them down, inch by inch until Kyungsoo let out a soft whine of impatience. And then Kyungsoo was stepping out of them, and Jongin was kneeling in front of him, eyes on Kyungsoo’s pride as it waited eagerly to be touched.

Jongin’s fingers were cold as they wrapped around Kyungsoo’s , making the older of the pair hiss out a . But Jongin’s actions didn’t stop, he grasped it a little more surely and gave an experimental which made Kyungsoo want to mewl.

But he kept himself calm, watching Jongin touch him, make him feel high off of the feeling alone.

It wasn’t until Kyungsoo had become a leaking mess that Jongin pulled away and stepped out of his own underwear, leaving them both bare and wanted something, anything.

But then the calm was gone, as though a switch had been flicked, because Jongin was on him, mouth hot and needy on Kyungsoo’s as tongues messily and teeth gently nipped until they were just touching and tasting and stumbling over to the bed.

And soon enough Kyungsoo was reaching into the draw by the bed to grab the half emptied bottle of lube that was in there, pressing it into Jongin’s now warmed up hands and pleading with him to just touch him, to feel him.

Jongin’s fingers were sure and steady as they worked into Kyungsoo, opening him up in a way that had Kyungsoo at a loss for words, the only things that left him were gasps and pleas for more, more, MORE.

Kyungsoo had never felt that kind of euphoria, he was on a high that nobody could bring him down from, and he loved every moment of it.

Every caress of his skin, every nip and kiss, and bite and .

There was no coming down.

Even after, when they laid side by side, panting and fighting to regain control of their breathing, Kyungsoo had never felt so amazing.

Like he was floating on a cloud.

He turned and buried himself into Jongin’s side, and let out a sigh of content as Jongin immediately wrapped him in his arms.

“Can I keep you forever?” he whispered, lips moving against Jongin’s shoulder.

Jongin smiled, soft and tired in the afterglow of what they had just done. “You already had me forever” he said.

So maybe Kyungsoo was usually careful, but he was addicted to Jongin in all the best ways, and he had never been so happy to let himself be consumed.

A/N: Lil bit of Kaisoo anyone?
Unedited, since I wanted to post something quickly after
not updating these drabbles for a while~
Lemme know what chu think!