Touch me like you mean it...

“Why don’t you touch me?”

It’s a simple question and Chanyeol knows that Baekhyun deserves an answer, but it’s hard to admit.

Baekhyun is stood in front of him in their shared room, he’s wearing one of Chanyeol’s t-shirts, and though it’s massive on him it still looks perfect on him.

The door is locked and it’s only the two of them in there, just them and that question that is making the air thicker and thicker as the moments go on.

Chanyeol knows that it upsets Baekhyun, but it isn’t like he means to. He knows that when they’re on stage he’s very big with fan service. Only, his fan service always tends to be with Kyungsoo, or Jongin, or Junmyeon. Well, pretty much anyone other than Baekhyun.

Of course they hold hands on stage and they act silly together, they pass one another stuffed toys and fake roses, but there aren’t any cuddles, or close little moments. There aren’t stolen touches, anything like that.

He already knows that he gives a lot away with how he looks at Baekhyun, but half the time, he knows the slightly older boy doesn’t see the looks. The fans do though, the fans see everything, and it makes it so hard to go near Baekhyun.

He knows all too well that his answer is going to sound like an excuse. Baekhyun is watching him with those soulful eyes, and it breaks Chanyeol’s heart, because Baekhyun looks so lost. So wounded. Maybe it won’t be enough of an explanation when he says it. Chanyeol has never been too good with explaining his feelings to the person he feels them for.

Still, he dives in head first and lets his heart do the talking. “I don’t touch you because if I do… I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to stop” he says quietly before looking up and meeting Baekhyun’s eyes.

Chanyeol is sat on the bed watching as Baekhyun shifts his weight foot to foot nervously.

“I don’t understand…” Baekhyun admits, “You don’t have a problem touching me here. But when it comes to being in front of people… Even the guys… You seem like you, I don’t know, like you’re allergic to me or something”

Chanyeol lets out a soft sigh and gets to his feet. He’s so glad for the heated floor beneath his cold feet as he moves over and takes Baekhyun’s hands in his own. He feels his heart ache when Baekhyun refuses to look up at him and only focuses his eyes on the tall boy’s bare chest.

“Baek… I’m scared, okay. I’m so ing scared of this” Chanyeol says softly, “In front of the guys, on stage, it’s hard. It’s hard because every minute of every day I just want to be with you. I want to touch you all the time. You’re like my magnet, Baekhyun. When we’re on stage, in front of all of those people, I stay away from you because I know that if I don’t, I’ll end up not being able to stop myself. When I hold your hand, I just want to hug you, and when I hug you, I want to kiss you, and when I kiss you, I never want it to end.

 “You mean the world to me, and I’m scared that I’ll never be able to see anything else ever again. You’re the stars in my sky Baek, and you can’t just touch the stars. You have to watch them, admire them… Make them know just how much you admire them, how much you crave them. Byun Baekhyun, I don’t touch you, because if I do… I’ll never be able to stop and everything that we’ve ever worked for will be ripped away in a matter of seconds.

 “What I have with you is special to me and I don’t want to share that with anyone else. You’ve got my reason for staying away from you on stage. But as for in front of the lads, well, that’s just me being selfish. You make me tingle, and I’ve never felt like that before. When you hold my hand, or brush my hair back off of my face, or… well, anything really, I feel like I just want it to be for us, you know? I don’t want anyone else to see our little moments yet, because I’m still getting used to it myself.” Chanyeol laughs sheepishly, “You make my heart beat so ing fast, Baekhyun. I’ve never had that before. I’ve never been this affected by anyone before… You have a hold on me that I can’t explain and I just want to keep this to myself for a little longer.”

Baekhyun looks up at Chanyeol with a small, shy smile playing on his lips, “I really mean that much to you?” he asks quietly, almost as though he can’t even believe it.

“That much and more” Chanyeol tells him, pulling one of his hands back and moving it up to cup Baekhyun’s cheek, he smiles as Baekhyun instantly leans into the touch.

Baekhyun lets out a shaky laugh, “So… It’s not that you don’t want to touch me then?”

“It’d never be that, Baek, trust me” Chanyeol laughs back, “Come here, stupid” he grins before pulling Baekhyun into a warm hug.

Chanyeol can feel Baekhyun smiling against his bare chest as the smaller lad wraps his arms around him tightly in return. Baekhyun’s hands flatten against Chanyeol’s muscular back, just letting himself feel his boyfriend’s warm body, just letting them be close, like he’s been craving.

“Yeol..?” Baekhyun whispers softly, craning his neck back slightly so that he can look up at Chanyeol with a soft, but playful smile.

“What’s up, handsome?” Chanyeol smiles back at him, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Baekhyun’s lips before pulling back again.

Baekhyun lets his hands run down over the planes of Chanyeol’s back, “Touch me like you mean it…” he almost purrs, and Chanyeol can find no reason for argument to the request.

Chanyeol is quick to let his hands move down to Baekhyun’s thighs and hike him up, forcing Baekhyun to wrap his legs around Chanyeol’s waist to keep him steady.

There’s a smirk on Chanyeol’s face as he moves over to press Baekhyun against the wall. Baekhyun laughs melodically and tangles his fingers into Chanyeol’s soft hair.

“Keep looking at me like that and I’ll melt in your arms” Baekhyun teases half-way to breathless already.

Chanyeol’s smirk widens ever so slightly, “That was the plan all along, babe” he chuckles before kissing Baekhyun, slow and languid.

Baekhyun moans softly against Chanyeol’s lips, he can’t help himself as he rolls his hips forward to grind against Chanyeol.

Chanyeol lets out a small growl before nibbling on Baekhyun’s bottom lip. He gives Baekhyun’s thighs a teasing squeeze before pulling away from the wall and moving over to his bed. He doesn’t care how much of a mess they make in his bed anyway, they can always sleep in Baekhyun’s tonight, and his sheets are due to go in the laundry anyway.

He’s delicate, but quick, about the way he moves them so that Baekhyun is on his back amidst the covers. Baekhyun bites down on his lip and watches as Chanyeol undoes the button of his jeans and pulls down the zipper teasingly slowly. He walks closer to the bed, then pauses in front of Baekhyun so that he can use his thumbs to push down his jeans before kicking them to one side, leaving him in just his boxer-briefs and leaving little to the imagination.

“I always thought you were too embarrassed by me” Baekhyun admits as he sits up and allows Chanyeol to pull the t-shirt up and off of him before tossing it to one side. He sits and looks at Chanyeol from beneath his messy hair that’s fallen over his eyes, “I always thought that you didn’t mind with the others because you knew it was nothing… And with me… I was like a dirty little secret”

Chanyeol’s lips twitch down into a momentary frown before he crawls onto the bed and over Baekhyun, so that he’s hovering above the slightly older boy, hands either side of Baekhyun’s head and thighs between Baekhyun’s spread ones, “Never in my life have I been embarrassed of you, Byun Baekhyun. You’ve never been my dirty little secret. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted from life and the fact that you’re a guy could never change that, okay?”

Baekhyun nods, a small smile coming to his lips as Chanyeol leans down and presses their foreheads together.

He lifts his arms up and wraps them loosely around Chanyeol’s neck, gently nudging him forward so that they can kiss again. He misses this, just the two of them being together like this, not having to hide anything.

Moments like this are few and far between thanks to their busy and demanding schedules – both separate and group – and so when they get time alone, they try and make the most of it. But a lot of the times they’re exhausted and they need to rest, so it’s hard to find time to connect physically like this.

It isn’t like they don’t touch at all, they hold hands and sit close together at events or in the car, they’ll playfully hit one another, or share high-fives that linger just slightly too long. But sometimes it isn’t enough, and Baekhyun knows that he should be grateful that they have something special with one another, that Chanyeol is not only his boyfriend, but his best friend. His soulmate in every form of the meaning.

They’d connected from the off and what had progressed from that initial friendship isn’t even a surprise to Baekhyun if he’s honest. He’d always known that there was a part of him that was just a little bit too curious about men, and the fact that Chanyeol had felt the same way about him just made it all so perfect.

He knows that relationships are hard at times, that they need to be worked at to maintain. That you have to want to work to maintain them, and he does want that. He wants for it to work out and for them to be in it for the long run, but sometimes he just craves more.

He craves the touches and the kisses, he craves the hugs and the way that Chanyeol’s lips brush his ear when they whisper to one another. He craves so much affection from Chanyeol, but he knows that it’s impossible to receive when they’re in front of so many people.

He knows that the fans – and Sehun – speculate about their friendship and whether or not it’s more than just friends. He knows that people are happy about the idea of it, and want for it to be real, but he also knows that there is a whole base of people out there that, should they catch wind of it, would make their lives hell and more than likely destroy everything that they’ve worked hard for their whole lives, that could – and would – make sure that their careers were short lived.

And so he knows that it’s important to keep it under wraps. But it still doesn’t make him crave that affection any less.

He tries to make up for it. He’s extra close with Sehun, and Yixing and even Jongin. He jokingly kisses the other members and teases them. He jokes with Kyungsoo, and makes flirty gestures when they’re paired together for dancing. And Kyungsoo, much to his credit, plays along.

He thinks that Kyungsoo might know what’s going on between him and Chanyeol. The members all tease them about their close friendship, but Kyungsoo just watches the jokes from afar and gives Baekhyun this look that just screams that he knows. That he knows everything, and that it’s okay. That he supports them. And that really means a lot to Baekhyun.

“Is this the part where I should be really gross and sing ‘touch myself’ to you” Chanyeol jokes lightly as he grinds down against Baekhyun, making the smaller boy whimper wantonly.

Baekhyun lets out a shaky laugh, “Chanyeol please… shut up” he says, though it’s clear that he doesn’t mean it. He loves the sound of Chanyeol’s voice, that deep gruffness sends shivers through his body. God, it’s almost as good as Chanyeol touching him.

Almost.

Chanyeol laughs lowly, and it sends Baekhyun’s blood rushing south. They kiss and touch, and Chanyeol shows Baekhyun just how much he wants to touch Baekhyun, shows him just how much he enjoys it, how much he never wants to stop.

Baekhyun lets himself get lost in everything that is Chanyeol, he lets Chanyeol take him on an adventure with his body.

“Touch me…. Touch me like you mean it” Baekhyun gasps as Chanyeol has him close to breaking point, he’s breathless and sensitive and just needs to be felt, needs to have Chanyeol’s hands, his lips, his everything touching every inch of him, every single part of him.

He needs the reassurance. He craves the intimacy so much that his body aches for it.

Chanyeol doesn’t hesitate to bring Baekhyun to his peak, one hand tips Baekhyun over the edge, whilst the other moves over Baekhyun’s , sweaty body as a silent promise of wanting, a silent promise that he loves to touch Baekhyun just as much as Baekhyun loves to be touched. That he longs for it.

Even once they’ve finished, they stay close, stay wrapped up in one another. Chanyeol lays on his back and Baekhyun is half on top of him, one leg slung over Chanyeol’s lower abdomen as Chanyeol’s hand holds onto his thigh. Chanyeol’s other arm is wrapped around Baekhyun’s shoulders, his finger drawing lazy patterns between Baekhyun’s shoulder blades.

Baekhyun’s arm is over Chanyeol’s chest, elbow bend so that he can rest his hand on the side of Chanyeol’s neck, his other arm is tucked up between their bodies.

Chanyeol has one leg bent, his knee up and rocking lazily from side to side, moving them ever so slightly as though they’re in a cradle.

“You know I love you, right?” Chanyeol says quietly, his voice gives away that he’s on the brink of sleep, and Baekhyun can’t complain because he is too.

Baekhyun hums softly, “I know. I’ve always known… It’s just nice to be shown physically sometimes, you know?”

“I know. I wish we got more time like this. More time to just… be” Chanyeol yawns, turning his head and pressing a soft kiss to the top of Baekhyun’s.

Baekhyun, in return, pressed a kiss of his own to Chanyeol’s bare chest, “Me too, Yeol” he says, then pauses before adding, “I love you too, by the way. A lot, actually”

“I know. I’ve never doubted it, Baek” Chanyeol smiles up at the ceiling. His eyes are closed and his heart is light with happiness.

Baekhyun snuggles closer to Chanyeol, he doesn’t say anything in return, he just lets himself feel his skin pressing against Chanyeol’s. Lets himself feel the way that Chanyeol’s hold on him is unrelenting, keeping them both close enough that Baekhyun can feel the steady beat of Chanyeol’s heart against his cheek.

In that moment, he feels content.

In that moment, he feels infinite.

And although he doesn’t get the physical touches as much as he’d like to, the mental touches never leave him, and he knows that Chanyeol’s love will be in his heart no matter how far apart they are in person.

A/N: So, you've probably guessed that I really like BaekYeol...
I'm not even sorry :D
Ta-rah!<3