Will you still love me tomorrow?

Will you still love me tomorrow?

A question that Jongin asks himself over and over again as he makes his way to Kyungsoo’s apartment.

He knows that Sehun’s probably wondering where he is. He also knows that he’ll figure it out before Jongin makes it to Kyungsoo’s door. He’ll probably try and stop him too, but it won’t work.

He knows that Chanyeol – Kyungsoo’s roommate – isn’t home, because he’s having a game night at Baekhyun and Junmyeon’s place with the former two and Yixing.

He knows that he shouldn’t be doing this, what with Kyungsoo’s reputation, but they used to be friends, they used to care about one another and he wants to bring Kyungsoo back from this dark person that he’s become.

So he knocks the door.

It doesn’t take long for Kyungsoo to open it, leaning against the door frame as he does, a smirk on those pretty plump lips, “Jongin” he says, “I didn’t think you’d actually show up”

Jongin shrugs, “I didn’t think you’d end up like this, but we’re both full of surprises,” he says back before he can stop himself.

The smirk on Kyungsoo’s face falls, and he watches Jongin with cautious eyes, “Then why are you here?” he asks, not moving from the doorway, and Jongin doesn’t try to make him.

“We used to be something, Kyungsoo” Jongin tells him tiredly before pushing his way into the small apartment. There’s a made for TV movie playing in the background and a dirty plate in the sink. Kyungsoo must have just eaten. There’s a blanket on the sofa, along with a Pororo plushie that’s worn and beaten. Jongin recognises it as the one he bought Kyungsoo for his eleventh birthday.

Kyungsoo sighs, closing the door and turning to face Jongin who is still looking around the room with caution. “If you aren’t here to me, then why are you here?”

“Why has everything got to be about ?” Jongin asks, turning to face Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo only shrugs, “It takes my mind off of things”

It's silent between then for a moment as they take each other in. There's a tension in the air, and it's so obvious, but they both do their best to ignore it. 

Being ignorant to things is sometimes the better option. And sometimes, they choose it even when it isn't.

But then Jongin sighs and looks at Kyungsoo properly.

“Kyungsoo...”

“No” Kyungsoo stops him, “You don’t get to ing lecture me on this, Jongin. You know why I do this, it was your choice to walk away, not mine!”

Jongin groans, “I walked away because I ing love you! You know that! I couldn’t watch you throw me away and lose yourself in the process” he tells the shorter, yet older, boy, “I couldn’t watch both of us get hurt, so I stopped it before it happened”

“We still did thought, didn’t we?” Kyungsoo points out, taking a few steps across the room and sitting down on the sofa.

Jongin sighs and joins him after a moment, “That isn’t my fault” he says, “It isn’t yours either, but you could have handled this better...”

Kyungsoo laughs bitterly, “I could have, could I?” he asks, “Tell me, how am I supposed to deal with my parents ing dying, Jongin? Please ing enlighten me”

“I don’t know” Jongin admits, “But not like this... Not... Not by let people use you for their own ed up desires”

Kyungsoo laughs again, more bitter than the first, “What? So I should have just let myself turn to you, let you me into forgetting”

“That isn’t what I meant and you know it!” Jongin snaps, he doesn’t mean to, but he can't help himself. Kyungsoo makes him irrational, and he’s surprised he lasted as long as he did without getting pissed off.

Kyungsoo watches him for a moment before reaching over to the table and picking up the joint that Jongin had failed to notice. He grabs a lighter and lights the end, pulling in a breath as he does, then sets down the lighter again and blows out a puff of smoke, “What do you want from me? If you’re here on some sort of mission to fix me, you might as well give up now”

“You don’t need fixing” Jongin tells him, “You’re not broken, you just... You just need to let yourself grieve”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, passing the joint over to Jongin who takes a hit before handing it back, “What are you, my ing therapist?”

“Do you want me to be?” Jongin asks, and he’s only half joking. He takes another hit of the joint that Kyungsoo offers him, then one more before handing it back again.

Kyungsoo laughs, this time a more real laugh, not one with a bitter edge, “Oh please, you’d be a therapist” he tells the younger boy.

It's obvious that it's an avoidance tactic, but they go with it anyway.

“I think I’d be good for you” Jongin rebuts, “If you’d let yourself ing talk to me without being a sarcastic ”

Kyungsoo takes another drag of the joint before passing it to Jongin, “You know enough about me to work me out” he points out, “So try me...”

“Alright” Jongin says around a puff of smoke, then takes another drag before turning to face Kyungsoo a little better and handing him the joint back, “You’re afraid”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, finishing the joint off then stubbing it out in the ash try as he blows out the last puff of smoke, “Wow you are good at this” he drawls out sarcastically.

“No, let me finish” Jongin says, looking over Kyungsoo carefully, “You’re afraid to let yourself feel. You won’t deal with their deaths, you won’t deal with losing people, you won’t even deal with the fact that you’re destroying yourself. You sit here all day, smoking or drinking, then you go out and find someone to shag because you’re scared of being alone with your thoughts. But you’re not alone, Soo. Even if I made you feel like it because I... I left you alone when you needed me most, I never really left. I’ve always been here. I can never leave you” he looks at Kyungsoo’s red eyes and sees him cracking, but Kyungsoo is strong, he isn’t that easy.

“ happens, Jongin” Kyungsoo shrugs, leaning back more into the sofa.

Jongin sighs, he knows he has to keep pushing, keep trying to get through to Kyungsoo, but it’s hard, and he’s not sure if he’ll be able to do it, “I’m sorry”

“What for?” Kyungsoo asks, genuinely taken aback.

Jongin smiles sadly, “For making you feel like I’d left you. I really do love you, you know? Even now, when you’re like this”

“You shouldn’t...” Kyungsoo says, and Jongin swears he sees the elder’s lip quiver slightly, “I’m not worth loving”

“You are though” Jongin pushes, “You’re more than worth loving, you just need to let yourself be loved. I get it okay, you might not love me like you used to, and I know you used to at least, but you’ll never stop me from loving you” and it’s true, because Jongin never stopped loving Kyungsoo, and he never will stop.

They’re both high, but they’re not high enough for things to not make sense, nor are they high enough to not remember what’ll have happened in the morning.

"Are you gonna give me the old 'Nobody can love you until you love yourself' speech next?" Kyungsoo says, his voice almost hollow as he looks around at the smoke still lingering in the room.

Jongin sighs, "No. Because that's ing stupid. How can not loving yourself stop other people loving you? Especially when other people loving you is a step into seeing why you are lovable... No, I'm not here to give you a load of about how to feel about yourself when you already know everything that I think"

That silence falls over them again, one thats full of tension. But now it's a different kind of tension. One that neither of them can put into words.

Kyungsoo looks up at Jongin, his eyes soft, but other than that, his face betrays no emotion, “I still love you, you know” he tells the younger, “But... It isn’t enough”

“Talk to me, Soo...” Jongin practically begs, “Just... talk to me, and cut the bull because I don’t want to hear it. I want to know what’s going on with you, and I want to know the truth” he pauses, then adds in a small voice, “I care about you too damn much to watch you kill yourself like this”

And that seems to hit Kyungsoo right where it hurts, because this time his lip definitely quivers, and he’s eyes are watering, and although Jongin feels bad, he’s also really glad to see Kyungsoo finally letting himself feel.

“Is this why you came here?” Kyungsoo asks, “To make me feel like about myself? To upset me?”

Jongin only sighs, “No,” he says, “I came here to make you realise that there are people that still care about you”

“Why?” Kyungsoo asks and his voice is pleading because he really doesn’t understand, “Why do you care so goddamn much?!” and then there are tears rolling down his cheeks, because he doesn’t think Jongin should care about him anymore. Not after everything.

Jongin smiles, it’s small and sad, but it’s a smile, “How could I not?” he asks, and then Kyungsoo is falling into his arms, and Jongin is holding him so tightly he thinks they might end up becoming a single entity.

Kyungsoo is crying hard, and his heart is beating so fast that Jongin can feel it against his own chest.

“I miss them so much” Kyungsoo whispers, his breath tickling Jongin’s neck as he holds onto him tightly.

Jongin nods, “I know” he says, because he does, he’s known it from the minute that Kyungsoo fell off the rails.

“I just want them back, Jonginnie. I don’t wanna be alone anymore” Kyungsoo stammers through his tears, and Jongin doesn’t say anything, because there’s nothing he can say, he just holds Kyungsoo tighter in a silent promise that Kyungsoo will never be alone again.

It’s a long time before Kyungsoo finally calms down, and his breathing evens out, but even then, he’s still in Jongin’s arms. Only now they’re lying down on the sofa, and Jongin is humming softly against the elder’s hair.

“I never slept with any of them, you know” Kyungsoo says after a while, his voice is quiet, but it’s loud enough for Jongin to hear.

“Oh” Jongin whispers back, because he doesn’t really know what else there is to say.

Kyungsoo sighs, “I mean, I did stuff... But I never slept with any of them. I’ve... I’ve only ever been with one person, and that was you...”

“I remember that day” Jongin laughs quietly, “You were so nervous, I mean, I was too, but you... You were freaking out”

Kyungsoo smiles slightly, “Well what did you expect? You came to me with the age old ‘Maybe we should just lose our ities to each other...’ and what was I meant to say? I was head over heels for you, Nini”

“The feeling was mutual” Jongin tells him, “That’s why I asked you in the first place... And besides, I still feel like that about you. Still get fuzzy when I’m near you”

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrow, “I don’t understand how you can still feel like that for me. After everything I’ve done”

“Because people make mistakes, Soo” Jongin says, pulling Kyungsoo closer to him, “Let me help you. Let me make things better for you”

“Maybe there is no better for me”

“There is” Jongin promises, “I’ll make you feel okay again, if it’s the last thing I do”

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything for a long time, but when he does, the words that leave his lips surprise Jongin, “I want to let myself love you” is what he says, “but I’m scared”

“Sometimes the scariest things are the things you need to do” Jongin says, and there’s no prejudice in his voice, only understanding of Kyungsoo’s troubles.

Kyungsoo nods, hesitating slightly before saying, “Will you... Will you go with me tomorrow to see them... I’ve not been to the graveyard since the funeral, and even then... I only stayed for ten minutes”

“Of course I will Soo. I’ll never leave your side again” Jongin says, and Kyungsoo knows that the younger boy means it. He means it with everything he has.

Kyungsoo almost smiles, “Promise?”

“Do I love you?”

“Yeah”

“Well there you go then”

That night, Kyungsoo gets the best night’s sleep he’s had in over a year, wrapped up in Jongin’s arms, feeling safe, and like for the first time in forever, he wasn’t alone.

That he was loved.

A/N: I don't know... I just started to write Kaisoo
And this is what came of it~

Enjoy.