~*Sungyeol's POV*~

"Hye Ri. We're here." I informed her, using the moment to grasp her hand in mine and pull her off the bus. Silently, she followed behind me, almost grudgingly. I give her a small comforting smile in which she halfheartedly returns her own. I know she doesn't want to be here. I'm sure of it. It's the only thing that I've been sure about her in a while, but I can't explain why she insisted we go here when it's obvious she wishes she could be anywhere else.

It's frustrating.

I used to understand everything about her. She didn't have to say anything, yet I would know what she was thinking. We were just that close. But now... it's painful. It's painful to think about how, nowadays, I can't decipher her at all. It's not that she's changed, it's that... it's as if she's become disconnected from me. She's beside me, but she's never really there. Her body is with me but her mind is elsewhere, entangled in a web of thoughts I'm left out of.

Every time I try to reach out to her, every time I try to lend her my shoulder to lean on, she pushes me away telling me that nothing's bothering her. I know she's attempting to 'protect' me, but doesn't she know that watching her suffer and not being able to help hurts me a thousand times more? Any form of torture, whether it be physical or mental, is nothing compared to the pain I feel watching her in pain. You could trap me in hell, put a bullet to my head, pull me apart, limb from limb, anything, but her tear-stained face, still, would pain me an immeasurable quantity more.

Hye Ri-yah. How could you be so cruel to me? How can you hurt me like this? Why won't you let me help you?

"Oppa." She called quietly, slowing down to a halt. Immediately, I pushed away my stifling thoughts and focused on her and only her. Whatever she wants, whatever she needs, I'm here to fulfill her wishes. Though she may hurt me by pushing me away, I simply cannot keep my distance. No matter what pain she puts me through, I'll never be able to stay angry at her and she'll always be forgiven. 

"What is it, Hye Ri-yah?" I ask softly, gazing at her with a tender expression, knowing full well that whatever she requested, I would willingly comply. 

"I-I'm scared." She whimpers, her eyes glistening fixated on the sign of the building as her figure slightly trembles; the local Hospital sign.

My gaze softens as I observe her unprotected self; it pulls at my heart's strings and I tug on her arm, pulling her into my embrace. "It's okay." I whisper, as I hold her tightly to calm her down, not wanting to let go. "I'm always here for you, Hye Ri-yah. You don't have to be afraid, okay?" She wordlessly nods into my chest.

Even though I may not know why we're here, and I may not know why you're scared, I'll protect you. I'll always protect you. 

"Hye Ri-yah..." I speak after a few moments of comfortable silence. "Can you... are you okay with telling me why you wanted to come here?" I ask slowly, carefully laying out my words as to not provoke her in any way. I give her a while to answer but she stays silent. With a quiet sigh, I take back my words. "Never mind. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to..."

"I'm sorry, Yeol Oppa." She apologizes, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Don't be sorry." I reply with a somber smile. Yet again, she has pushed me away. She leaves my arms, flashing me an unconvincingly forced smile.

"I'm better... L-let's go." She suggests and begins taking timid steps towards entrance. I scoop her hand in mine, giving her an encouraging squeeze before falling into step alongside her. I sneak a glance at her fragile, worn out figure as we're making our way to the receptionist's desk; I notice how much weight she's lost. I see her somber features and I detect the dark circles under her eyes that signal she hasn't been getting enough sleep. I feel a stinging pain in my chest as I notice how dead she looks.

Hye Ri-yah. Once. Just once, will you make me happy by just leaning on me and letting me help you? Is it so hard to do?

I followed Hye Ri half-heartedly as a kind nurse offers to Hye Ri to the room she requested. There's an uncomfortable tension hanging in the air, yet I didn't understand why it was there. Hye Ri was unusually silent and it was making me nervous.

Why exactly are we here?

"This is the room." The nurse politely ushered us into a room, propping the door open for us to enter. Hye Ri presented a polite smile, inhaling a big breath before entering, taking small slow steps. I bowed my head towards the nurse before I cautiously trailed behind Hye Ri's petite figure.

"Miss Lee?" A doctor sporting scrubs and a clipboard approached, catching Hye Ri off guard for a moment.

"Y-yes. That's me." She stuttered, fiddling nervously with her fingers.

The doctor nodded in understanding, flipping a few pages of his clipboard. "Right this way please, Miss Lee." The doctor began advancing towards a curtain, yet Hye Ri stood rooted to the spot. She glanced back at me, her eyes moving side to side frantically, looking like a lost puppy. I ran to her side, linking my hand with hers once again. 

"Let's go? We don't want to keep the doctor waiting." I encouragingly squeezed her hand with a smile, assuring her that I was beside her without using words. She locked gazes with me, staring me straight in the eye and gave me a quick, grateful nod.

We walked together, following in the footsteps of the doctor, and I could feel Hye Ri trembling in my grasp.

"Miss Lee." The doctor motioned towards a pulled curtain. For some reason, my heart began thudding rapidly in my chest. A feeling of anxiety clung to my skin, refusing to release me from its grasp; I began feeling wary, almost afraid, of what I would find behind the pale curtains, yet I could not wrap my head around what I had to be afraid of.

Beside me, Hye Ri had mustered up enough courage to approach the material. Tentatively, she reached out and with a quick flick of the wrist, the curtain was out of the way, no longer separating us from what resided behind it.

There were two beds. Hospital beds. Both seemed to be occupied; however, there seemed to be something slightly off, slightly unusual, that differentiated these two beds from the surrounding patients. White cloths snuggly caressed the bodies that lay underneath, shielding them so that not an inch of skin peeked through. I was curious about the identity of the figures beneath the white barrier, as Hye Ri emphasized the importance of going out of her way to visit, but it was impossible to tell who was hiding under the whiteness, it wouldn't be possible to tell... unless you were, of course, to remove the cloths. As the doctor motioned for the nurses to pull back the sheets, I could feel my heart thundering right out of my chest, a sinking feeling settling in my gut. Hye Ri was paralyzed in a wide-eyed stupor, making me all the more anxious. Her grip on me was so tight on me that I was beginning to lose circulation in my arm, but I didn't mind. I was too caught up in watching the identities of the patients becoming unveiled, I didn't take much notice to my arm.

The nurses carefully peeled back the cloth, revealing two figures, eyes tightly shut, face pale as the sheets, and lips, lips an oxygenless blue. My eyes stayed perpetually frozen in disbelief, unable to accept what was lain out before me. Although the evidence was clear as day, I refused to accept it. It felt like a blow to my stomach once I realized that I recognized the two, and I scolded myself unrequitedly for being so thick-headed and not realizing sooner.

"This was found in the car with them..." One of the nurses carefully placed a plush polar bear in Hye Ri's arms. The bear was wearing a santa hat and had its paws wound around a big heart with the words "Merry Christmas Hye Ri!" custom embroidered on it. 

"No..." Hye Ri released me, her arm instantly becoming limp as she clutched onto the the toy instead. She swayed on her feet, becoming unbalanced. Her lip trembled as she took small, shaky steps towards the hospital beds, leaving me behind, glued to my spot. She sank down to her knees in the space between the beds. Fat tears free falling from her somber eyes, making something break inside of me. "Umma. Appa." She delicately reached out for the still figures. "Wake up. It's Hye Ri. Umma, Appa. Please. Wake up." She began shaking the couple, willing for them to open their eyes. For them to look at her. Smile at her. Anything. Anything to convince her they hadn't left.

She was wept loudly, voicing out her remorse. The nurses huddled together, shooting her sympathetic glances while attempting to hold back the tears they were on the verge of shedding for Hye Ri's loss. With closed eyes, the doctor turned his gaze elsewhere, giving her the privacy she deserved.

I willed myself to move, to comfort her. Collapsing beside her, I collected her broken figure in my arms pressing her tightly against my body. "Umma. Appa. Why didn't you take me with you? Why did you leave me?" She wailed, grabbing a fistful of my shirt and burying her face into my chest. My heart throbbed, it ached. With each falling tear, it felt as if a piece of me was dying inside.

How bittersweet this moment is.

Finally, for the first time, she hasn't distanced herself from me. She's leaning on me, letting me comfort her in a time where she needs someone to support her, yet, now, I regret ever wishing for her to lean on me. Because of my stupid wish, she's in pain and she's suffering. Because of me. Because of the stupid wish I made, she has to suffer. She has to hurt.

Guilty tears raced down my face and I looked up to the ceiling to keep the tears from flowing. I didn't deserve to shed tears. I am not good enough to mourn for this traumatic loss. I caused it. I'm dirty. Disgusting. Sinful.

I'm sorry, Hye Ri-yah. I'm sorry for being such an idiot and making you suffer because of it. I said I would protect you. I said you could lean on me, you could trust me, but I have wronged you. I've caused you harm, I've deceived you. I've done wrong, but even now... I don't know how to cease being selfish. I hate myself so much. I hate myself from causing you to shed tears, but I can't stop my selfishness from controlling me, taking over my sanity. So just once, just this once... continue leaning on me. I'll willingly accept whatever punishment is in store for me, so let me be selfish one last time...