Chapter 10: New Year’s Eve

All I can see is a field so clean, so peaceful, and so beautiful. There are a lot of trees and flowers around having every color boost by the light the sun gives. There are a lot of people wearing white and everything was so peaceful. They look so happy for me. Not even a single pain can be seen.

I like this place.

I saw a big tree. It’s like the tree at our house, the tree where I always go whenever I feel so sad. I came there to touch it. It’s definitely like the tree at my house. I miss it.

“Enjoying this place?” a man’s voice said.

I searched from where the voice was coming from. Then an old man came out behind the tree. He was wearing white too. He’s old and he was holding a stick to help him walk. I came near him to help him walk. When I came near him, I realized that his face was familiar.

“Grandpa?” I said.

Then he smiled at me. It’s Grandpa.

I hugged him so tight. I missed him so much. He’s one of the people who keep on telling me that I shouldn’t give up on my dreams. He encourages me all the time, every time I need it. He’s always there for me.

We sat down on the big roots of the tree. It was simply like before, like the time before he died. Grandpa is dead. Where am I?

“So how’s my little granddaughter?” he asked.

“I’m fine, I guess.” I said.

“I guess?” he exclaimed. “Is there something bothering you?”

Bothering me? There’s a lot but right now, I don’t know which one bothers me.

I looked at him. “Grandpa, how does it feel? To die?” I asked.

He hugged me tight, “A bite of an ant hurts more.” he said then smiled at me. “It won’t hurt.”

I smiled at him and hugged him. “Can I stay with you here? Right now?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No, No. Not now. You still have a lot of things to do, a lot of things to know. It’s not yet the time.”

“But…”

“No more buts”

Then my eyes opened and I can see Jimin in front of me. She immediately sat down breathing heavily. “Ooh! I thought something bad happened to you unnie. I was waking you up for more than a minute and you won’t be able to wake up.”

So everything, it was a dream. No, I’m really there. I was there.

“What time is it Jimin?” I asked her.

She stood up, “It’s time for you to prepare for New Year’s countdown.” she said and smiled at me.

So I’m back in this world.

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At the party…

Everyone was busy doing something, either they chat or take pictures with other JYPE Artists. I just sat down on a chair away from everybody. And at this very moment, I want to be alone.

I was looking at everyone there. Their smiles can’t be measured. They are really very happy right now. Why can’t I smile like that anymore? Dear happiness, if you have abandoned me, I’m sorry but I want you back. Sadness has been my friend for a long time and he treats me differently. I miss you, happiness.

Suddenly, someone tapped me. It was Jinyoung. “Staring at the floor won’t make everything fine. Smile there a bit.”

Jinyoung sat down at the chair beside me. “Ooooh.” he said. “Who would have imagined that one year has already passed. Another year is coming. It seems so fast, eh?”

I simply nodded to him. Yeah, it’s too fast. Days are becoming faster than usual and that makes me sad even more.

Jinyoung might have noticed that I’m not on the mood to talk to anyone right now. Then he tapped me again. “In a few hours, it’s going to be a New Year, new life, and new people to be with. Forget those people who left you this year. They won’t be able to come and journey with you in the coming year. Just be happy because they once came either to give you a lesson in life or just to be an extra person.”

I stared at Jinyoung. He’s right. Let’s just move on.

“Their part in your story is done. Turn the next page, there’s still more to come.” he said then he left me alone.

You’re right Jinyoung. I should move on with this pain I’m feeling right now. I can move on with Mark, I guess. But I won’t be able to move on with this sickness even if I wanted to.

In a few minutes, the party started. Everyone prepared themselves because as we wait for the time to reach exactly 12 midnight, we’re going to be on stage, say a simple message and a song that will remind everything that has happened this year.

Our sunbaes were first to perform on stage and it seems like they are really happy with this year, that this year was really one of the best things that happened to them. How I wish this was also one of the best years in my life.

“Ahem. Ahem.”

It’s Mark’s voice. It’s his time to sing.

“Good evening everyone.” he said.

Then screams from Min unnie and Jokwon sunbae can be heard. Then Mark simply smiled. I saw him looked at me but I removed my looks from him.

“There are decisions in our lives that really make everything complicated. It’s either you have this and lose the other. Or choose this and regret everything.” he said while he was looking at me. He never removed his look from me.

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Mark’s POV

I’m only staring at Rhianne right now.

“I’ve lost a lot of things right now. I’ve lost my phone. I’ve lost cap. Not only that, I lost a friend. No, not only one but three.” I said.

Jinyoung. JB. Youngjae.

“And I also lost the trust of most people I love.” I said.

Papa Tuan. Joey. Mama. And most especially, Rhianne.

“And for all those things I lost, this is all I can say.”

The music then started to play.

Never Should Have Let You Go by Simple Plan

I'm coming home to an empty room

My head is spinning on a Sunday afternoon

There was a time when I had it all

I can still remember but I'm barely hanging on

I had my family’s trust. I had my friends to lean on. I have my