TWO YEARS LATER

I don't think anyone has needed time as badly as I did. I needed it to lay steady in front of me and take each chances that I could. Time helped me stay still but also go freely. I used it well. 

Perhaps I had hoped that what I wrote in that letter two years ago would come true. And now it has, and I'm back in Seoul. 

'You're back? You're really back?' Believe me, I did not intend Kai to be the first one to know about my arrival. I guess I missed him though.

'Where are you, Kai? I need my car.' I say over the phone. It's raining in Seoul, at 5:43 in the afternoon. I stand at the airport exit, holding onto my luggage. Why did it rain all of a sudden? The weather's good until the plane landed. I'm thankful for the man who came to help me get a cab; even shielding me with an umbrella till I got safely inside the passenger seat. 'Kai? It's raining hard but my signal's good. Why aren't you talking?'

I hear voices from his side of the line. He must be in the studio or out with some friends. The driver asks for my address. Kai's voice is back. 'Sorry, I'm in the middle of a colleague's workshop. When do you need the car? I can drive it to your place tonight.'

Not wanting to disturb him any further, I agree to his suggestion and end the call. Time is magical. Hearing that Kai is still doing and attending dance workshops almost feels nostalgic; as if time didn't move for him. I can picture him smiling while teaching moves to his dancers. 

I look at the waters dripping on the taxi's window. Not a very inviting weather for a welcome. I expected cherry blossoms in this season but not rain. April in Korea has never been this wet but I like the fact that the weather, just like people, also fits into the equation 'Come and go'. 

I pay the cab right after the driver assisted me with my bags. I stand in front of my apartment, thinking how much I've missed the place. I'm back home!

The minute I open the door, everything smells of mixed acid rain and sunshine. Cheska might not have stayed here while I was away. Right now I can get my phone out and dial her number but I need to control myself. First things first. Tomorrow I will meet with him. Tomorrow I will see him again, after two years. 

I collapse over the couch, feeling a little jet-lagged. I hear my stomach gurgling but I ignore it. The rain outside has stopped. It's still many hours before Kai brings my car. There's one thing I want to do before seeing him. Two years ago, Kris told me to google myself some time. While I was in LA, I never did. I distanced myself from anything and anyone who'd remind me that I'm the Alex who got there only because her engagement didn't work. The vacation was good. In fact, I can stay there as long as I want. If only I didn't miss Seoul and the people in it. 

Through the years, I keep asking myself the question 'What changed?' and my subconscious always answers 'A lot'. At first I thought that leaving is an act of cowardice. I knew that there were things I needed to face but chose not to. Whatever choices I made for the last two years, they all bring me to where I am today. I am stronger, and independent. Cheska would no longer laugh at my numbers; because my clock is finally on track again. I can go to Flix and tell her frankly 'Trust me, this time I'm standing on both feet'. If you know what I mean. 

I sit before the laptop and turn it on. On one window I type my own name even if it feels weird. There is a total of ten results on the first page. I click on the link that reads 'Alex Dawson's real-life boyfriend revealed. Kris says it didn't work'. The article is short, although they got Clint's picture on it. At the end, the writer quoted what Kris said about the issue 'Between me and Alex, it just didn't work. But we'll remain good friends.' I smile because I remember asking him what he'd tell the press if they found out about my relationship with Clint. The exact words he said were 'I'll tell them it didn't work' and he did just that. 

Without meaning to, I find myself searching for any updates on Kris's Instagram and Weibo accounts. The latest from his Instagram is a photo of him in apple hairstyle, wearing his basketball jersey with the number 30 at the back. The caption is 'Remembering our 30 days...'

It was posted 48wks ago. Somehow it makes me wonder whether he's still thinking about it or not. Our thirty days.

I check on his Weibo last. His current status says 'Waiting..............'

And I know I shouldn't be assuming that he's posted all of those for me. I just have the feeling that he did. I long to see him. I said in the letter that we'd probably meet in 2016 again and drink coffee. After two years, yes, I still want to have that time with him. 

My phone rings. I almost run to answer it. Kai's voice occupy my ears. 'I'm right here!'

I slightly take a glance out the window and see him standing beside my silver car. I press the end call button right away. 

Kai looks taller. He's wearing his cap the wrong way but it looks cute on him. The sweater he's wearing is too loose. His friendly smile stands out the most. I run to give him a hug. 'Kai!'

'Hey, look who's here!' He hugs and softly pats me just inches below the nape. 'Welcome back!'

'Thanks! It's good to be back.' 

For a while he just stares at me. 'Wow...this is...wow. It's like you never left!'

I would've agreed but doing so means forgetting that I've come and go, just like today's weather. 'I did. But I'm back.'

He points at me. 'Yes, you are! Now...here's your delivery!' He says it the way promo guys do it on TV. It's like I won a car by participating on a game show. 'As you can see, no scratches whatsoever. This is the first time I drove it ever since you left it. Still shining, shimmering, splendid!'

I laugh. The car looks brand-new; exactly the way it did when I left it for him to look after. I approach the BMW and begin my assessment. Finding none to complain about, I give Kai a satisfied look. He reacts instantly. Fanning himself, he boasts 'I did a good job in taking care of it, didn't I?'

I can't argue with that. He's really something. 'Thanks, Kai!'

'No problem.' He smiles at me. 

'I missed you,' I punch him on the side. He acted as if it hurts.

'Oh, but I can think of someone else who missed you more.' He teases.

There's no need to pretend like I did not hear him. I only nod. 'Did you tell him?'

'That you're back? No. You should tell him yourself.' 

I'm thankful he didn't. I don't want Kris knocking on my door tonight. Or would he? If he finds out I'm back in Seoul? Maybe he's already dating someone new. Maybe he doesn't care anymore. 

Kai takes me back to reality. 'You need to rest, Alex. Let's talk some other time. I have to go.'

He turns towards the road and it hits me that he has to hire a taxi or walk his way to wherever he's going. I should've gotten the car myself. Before I can even call him back, he turns to face me again. 'By the way, I think Kris would agree if I say that you look more beautiful now than you ever were.'

I honestly don't know what to say to that. Kai knows how to compliment women. Sometimes being straight-forward has its advantages. I wave him goodbye.

Today I'll be seeing him. I'm not expecting anything, to be honest. Rather, I just want to know if it's time to say hello again. 

He wanted to meet at 3PM in Starbucks. It's only 2 but I'm already on my way. 

I sit next to the glass windows so I can see if he's arrived. My throat's getting dry so I order hazelnut frappe just to have something to drink. He's never late after all.

Is two years enough for the two of us? I'm hoping time favored him too. Today we'll have a new beginning; our version of restart. Then maybe I can proceed with seeing the other people I've missed. 

I'm halfway done with my frappe when I hear him speak. I didn't hear him got in. 'Alex.'

I look up and see him standing across the table. He still looks handsome. The first two buttons of his polo shirt lies open, revealing sweat on his upper chest. It's sunny outside. I stand up to greet him too. 'Hi!'

'It's nice to see you! Welcome back!' He kissed me on one cheek and I didn't pull away. Everything seems a bit formal now. It's nearly impossible to believe that we once held hands and touched. Things really do change.

'Thanks! How are you?' I wait for him to take a seat before settling myself down as well. 

'Don't ask about me. You're the one who haven't been around for two years! What's up?'

The familiarity of him and me being together is gone. I don't know if that's a good thing but I figure it would do us best. I fidget. 'I'm fine.' Showing him my frappe, I apologize for having ordered already. 'I was thirsty. I hope you don't mind.'

He shakes his head. ''Course I don't. Alex, actually I...'

What? Why does he seem worried? Or is awkward the right term?

He didn't finish his sentence because a woman suddenly appears beside him. She beams at me. 'You must be Alex!' 

I scan her face. I don't think I've met her before. Who is she and how come she knows my name? I look back at the man sitting across from me. Care for some introductions?

He swallows. 'I...uhm...Alex, this is Yuri. My w-wife.'

I gulp. Really? 

My first instinct was to see the rings and it was there on their fingers. That was fast, eh?

Yuri extends a hand. 'Nice to finally meet you, Alex.'

I am aware of my manners so I take her hand and shake it. 'You too,' I say, not knowing if it sounds believable. I try to smile. 'Congratulations!'

I look at them and I don't know what's it on my face that he asks, 'Alex, are you alright?'

I take it all in. 'No, I'm not. Wow. You've just brokenhearted me again, Chef.' I mean it to be a joke, and I'm relieve when they laugh together with me. Yes, maybe this is a fresh start. An assurance that some things have fallen into place. Changes can be surprising. Oftentimes it leaves you asking the big HOW COME. 

I say, WHY NOT.

Yuri's an architect. She's nice. She seems like a very intelligent woman. Exactly what Clint needs. I smile watching them sit next to each other. Who would have thought me and Clint would one day have this moment? I honestly didn't see it coming. No bitter feelings there.

I wish I can stay and talk some more. But I'm excited to see my talkative bestfriend. Cheska might have graduated from collage. The last time I've heard, she's started with her internship. She makes me and her parents proud.

Yuri says she's happy to have interacted with me even just for a couple of hours. Clint and I have our last share of eye to eye contact before I walk away. If I was still eleven, I'd say he's finally found his happily ever after. This way we can continue to heal. Just like the saying that 'Everything takes time'.

I reach the parking lot and what's lying on top of my car is a bouquet of orange roses. They look as sun-stricken as the day. I feel myself blushing just looking at it. Kai may have not told Kris that I'm back, but Clint did. 

The roses remind me of four things: cable cars, airplanes, sunsets and stars. I fall in love with him one more time and he's not even here. Is he? 

I look around. He's got to be here somewhere. I search for the black BMW but there's not a trace of it. How long were the flowers here? I read the small car that's attached to it.

Adventurous girl I used to take risky chances with,

Happy?

-Still the galaxy guy

There's another message written at the back. 'Welcome back'.

I stand still, hoping that when I turn around Kris would appear in sight and he'll tell me those words personally. I'm reluctant to enter the car but I did, after a few more seconds. He knows that I'm here. He's still thinking of me. Even after two years, memories of our thirty days remained. Those thirty days...

I got home at a quarter to nine. That's when he called. His voice still so bossy.

'Meet me at the bay tomorrow, 5am sharp.'

I thought he'd end it from there, like he usually does. But he said four more words before the line goes off. 'Welcome back, fake girlfriend.'

Two years ago, I would've controlled myself to squeal. Because I was engaged and supposed to get married. But all of that is part of the past now. For the first time (since I'm back to counting first times again), I didn't care if I wanted to squeal. I just did. 

Life is but a dream.

So tell me, why on earth am I driving to the bay at 4:30 in the morning? Because the insane Wu Yi Fan asked me to. I can't believe I'm following him. How are we going to talk after two years? Can we actually go back to how we used to and pretend like I never left? 

I choose a bench that's nearest to the bay. The sun is just about to rise. I can hear the birds singing from somewhere. How beautiful it is to see nature. 

Someone sits beside me, distracting me from my thoughts. I can't make myself look at him. It'll give too much away. 

He takes my hand without saying anything. His hand is warm, it feels good in mine. And I still can't look at him. 

'Are you usually this snobbish in the morning?' He asks. Then I hear him sigh. 'Look at me, Alex.'

I can't. It's different this time. You used to just be capable of making me happy. Now you're capable of hurting me too, because in that letter I told you I love you. You never told me how you feel.

He lifts my chin up using his other hand, and we're face to face. 'There.' 

Kris looks at me and even though we're the only people in this place right now, he whispers, 'I missed you.' His fingers start to caress my face. He's like this because he knows about my feelings for him. 

I try to let go off him and just act more naturally. Or awkwardly. Whatever. 'I got the flowers and the card. Thanks.'

From the corner of his lips, I see him smile. 'I happen to recall how much you loved them.'

'You have good memory.' I comment.

'I also remember reading a letter that says I love you Wu Yi Fan.' Wow, he has time for teasing. God I hate him.

'Really? Don't get it to your head. That person may be lying.' 

He laughs. What's funny? 

He takes out a bundle of letters from the inside pockets of his jacket. He removed the rubber and begin reading the ones on top. 'Let's see. This one comes from a girl named Alex. It says here that she's been a hardcore fan since I debuted. The last line says I love you Wu Yi Fan.'

. He's found my letters to him way way back. How dare he! 

'Next is again from a girl with the same name. She says that she's happy to know I'm doing alright after my small stage injury and that I never fail to amaze her. In the end she says I love you Wu Yi Fan again.'

Aaah! This can't be happening!

I look at him, eyes wide. Stop this, Kris. Now.

'This third one is from her again. She says Oh my God Kris I love you so much! I hope I can meet you one day and tell you this personally.'

I wrote that?! What the hell. I must have been out of my mind! 

Kris laughs at my facial expressions. He's enjoying this, isn't he?

'I was wondering...' He animatedly massage his chin. 'You told Kai to give me that letter before you left. You said there that you're my biggest fan. If by any chance these letters were from you, when are you planning of telling me those words personally?'

Huh! What an ambitious guy! I hang my mouth in disbelief. 'I wrote that five years ago, Kris. Five years is a long time.' I roll my eyes at him.

'Does that mean you no longer feel that way towards me?' He bit his lip. 

He seems hurt but I'm not going to fall for it. He's playing games with me, he is. 'Yes, sorry to disappoint.'

He clutches his hand to his chest. 'Ouch. I haven't even told you how I feel but you're already dumping me.'

Seriously, this guy. He's not the Kris I know. I better go. 'Whatever, Kris. Talk to me when you're sane. I don't have time for your script.' I stand up and leave.

But he stops me by holding my wrist. 'I love you, Alex. I'm not going to say I love you too because between us I was the one who fell first. I love you. You should be the one adding the too.'

What's he saying? I'm the one who wrote all those letters! I was the one who told him hundreds of I love yous. I fell for him first.

No, my subconscious tells me. I did love him as an idol. But when I met him two years ago being friends was all I could give. Because of Clint. But Kris? He's here telling me that he's loved me first. At what point did he really? 

'I was already in love with you even before you saw me drunk. I was already in love with you while you cry at my studio. I was already in love with you when we did the bungee together. I was already in love with you before we saw the sunset at Namsan.' He closes the gap between us and cupped my cheeks with his hands. 'I'm still madly and crazily in love with you. Alex, I love you. That night at the beach, I wished that I can become a good boyfriend to you. Can I be?'

Two years ago I would've said no. Two years ago this could've been all wrong. But that's what makes time necessary, together with change. It stands side by side with the description 'Worthwhile'.

I nod. 'I love you too Wu Yi Fan.' 

I have no idea what this chance will do to me or Kris. But if there's one thing I'm sure of, it's the fact that Kris and I both waited two years. That could only mean two things; either we surpass another two years or we go real far beyond two years. Both sounds perfect and positive. The way I feel now.

We kiss.

Our love story is cliche. But in my world of limelight and glamour, my love story with Kris is my favorite cliche of all. One with lots of post-its on it and cable car rides. I hope he approves.