CHOICES 

The thing about life is diversity. Every people has different stories to tell. Every relationship has its struggles to conquer. Most especially, everyone has their own choices to make and take. Alex knew on a Monday morning that everything must be decided soon. 

And Clint seemed to know the same. He insisted they commute rather than Alex driving the BMW. The model's clueless where they were going, until they got out of the taxi and they were right in front of the Church where their wedding's gonna take place in two weeks.

'Clint, why are we here?'

It was minutes after sunset. The Church was empty except for a few who came to pray.

'We're here for some peace of mind.' Hand in hand they walked inside. Clint chose a seat two rows from the altar.

Alex waited. She knows Clint has other reasons of bringing her here. She tried to smile at the sight of their hands intertwined. 

Clint spoke beside her, just clinging to her hand. 'If you can turn back time, what do you want to go back to?' 

It was a hard question because time itself cannot be replayed. It's under the 'what ifs' conversation one can have with anyone. But Alex answered it with her heart, 'Back to when my parents were still alive.'

'And you still haven't met me,' Clint concluded.

Alex felt the need to explain. 'You and Flix and Kris and a lot of other people.' With her eyes to the floor, she said, 'I just...I always wonder how things would turn out if the accident didn't happen. Would I still have met you, would I still be a model by now, would I still get a stupid fake girlfriend proposal from Kris, things like that.'

She saw Clint nod. She has more to say but she chose to ask him instead. 'How about you?'

Clint sighed before showing her a sad smile. 'I'd go back to three months ago when I was in Canada and you were here. I would want to change some things. But I want to ask you something first.'

'What is it?'

'Do you have feelings for Kris?'

Alex looked up to meet his eyes. She didn't expect he'd ask that. 'Clint.' It was her way to tell him to stop. To not go further and just drop it.

But Clint looked at her and told her it's okay. 'Please answer it just once.'

Just once can damage the whole engagement, Alex wanted to say. Just once means she can answer him honestly (the way she always does) or lie to him for the first time. 

Alex can't say it. She wouldn't. 

'Please, Alex.'

Looking at his eyes, and feeling all torn inside, Alex slowly nodded. She can feel her tears building up. But Clint showed no sign of hurt. He chose to hide the pain because letting Alex see his real emotions would mean hurting her too. 'Would you rather we got married before you came back to Seoul so that when you met Kris you're already my wife? Or would you rather have met Kris first so that you wouldn't have to say yes to me when I proposed?'

'What's the point of these questions, Clint? It's not like we can change things.'

'We can't change the ones that's happened, yes. But I'm having this conversation with you because I want to change the things that are only about to happen.' His statement was clear. And yet he didn't end it there. 'Do you plan of leaving me?'

Isn't he the one who's giving up now? You're the one who's leaving me, Alex thought. 

'Because I'd rather you do it now, than leave me standing alone at the altar two weeks from now.' 

Alex didn't speak. She didn't want to say anything. She didn't want to hear herself talking. She didn't like it when Clint let go off her hand. But somehow, for more than just a fraction, she knew he was right. With tears falling down her cheeks, she managed to say two words: 'I'm sorry.'

She covered her face with her palms. But Clint took her in his arms, cuddling her. 'Don't be. I'm the one who should say sorry. Sorry because I can't give you time. Sorry because I am selfish. Sorry because I didn't answer your calls. Sorry because I didn't understand you. It's my fault that you've fallen in love with someone else. And I'm sorry because we have to end this.'

Alex just stayed there in his arms and cried. Goodbye was something she thought of for the previous nights but didn't want to say. Goodbye was the option she considered many times for the past months but didn't take. And now Clint's decided it. 

Clint took her face in his palms. 'Listen to me, okay? Be strong. Did it ever occur to you that maybe one of the reasons why you fell in love with me was because I was the one who got you through your storm? When your parents passed away, I mean? And now you've realized someone else can make you happy without having you remember your past scars. Don't get me wrong, runway girl. I still love you and I still want the wedding. But think it through. Do you honestly want to marry me with a confused heart? The answer's no and you know it.'

Clint could be right. Maybe Alex loved him because she needed him. He's the only guy who was there when she was trying to get pass through her parents' death. He's the guy who helped her moved on when moving on seemed to take forever. He's that constant reassurance. Alex could be right too; when she told herself that she took more than what she gave. And Clint deserves better. 

There's a saying "Someday you'll realize why it never worked out with someone else." Alex's relationship with Clint did work out. It just didn't last. 

'What am I gonna do now?'

If there's anyone who can give Alex unbiased advices it's Flix. Going to her house past midnight and talking about her ruined engagement was the only thing that got to Alex's mind. 

Flix snorted. 'It's like this, Alex. Decide and live by your choices.'

Yah right, as if that's going to help. 

Seeing the dissatisfaction on Alex's face, Flix said, 'What do you think you're going to do? If you're asking for my opinion, well, I can imagine you going out of the country and trying to live more independently.'

Alex didn't reply. Flix took her silence as an approval to what she just said. 'Do whatever you want. Cry because it's over. Laugh because you need to. Travel to forget. Busy yourself with your dreams. Work hard. And most importantly, come back when you're done.'

Alex smiled. Flix cared about her the same way she cared for her son Hyun Bae. Before driving away, Alex revised what her manager said a while ago. For her, it must be "Decide and love your choices." It sounded more positive that way. 

Alex contacted Kai for the first time again after a month. She needs him to do her a favor.

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Kris's Dad, okay?' Kai said the moment they meet. He's still being defensive about not telling Alex the truth when she repeatedly called him last December to ask about Kris's whereabouts. He agreed to meet Alex in his dancing studio. 

Kai is still that happy and straight-forward friend. Alex was glad to see him again. 'I'm not here for your apology,' she said. 'I'm here to ask you to do something for me.'

It's the month of February. If Kris told Kai about the invitation then he must know that she's getting married in eight days. Only it's not going to happen.

'Sure! What's that?'

Alex made the right choice of picking him instead of Sehun. Kai seems to always be excited about anything. 'I'm leaving Seoul.'

'What?!'

Alex nods. 'You heard me.'

Kai made a frown. 'But why? Aren't you getting married?'

I'm not going to answer that.

'Okay, Kai. No time for questions. I want you to take care of my car while I'm away. And please give this to Kris tomorrow.' She ped her bag to get the letter. She wrote it the other night when Kris kept calling her number and she didn't pick-up. Even though Kris' messages were tempting ("I know a good cafeteria near G's Entertainment. We should drink coffee there" and "I'm curious what else is on your bucket list"), she replied to none of them. 

Kai motioned to open the letter but thought better of it. Alex then handed him her car keys. 'You are not to tell him that I'm leaving.'

'Since when did I become your personal assistant or something?!' Kai objected.

Alex laughed. 'Just do this for me please.'

Kai looked at her for a whole minute then nods, 'You take care always, okay?'

After sharing lunch together, they hugged one last time. 'Thanks, Kai!'

Kai did what Alex asked him to. He gave Kris her letter the next day; when Alex had already left Korea. 

'What's this?' Kris said, obviously not interested. 

'For your information, it's from fake girlfriend.'

It only took those words to convince Kris to read the paper. 

Galaxy guy,

Thank you for the flowers. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for never being late. Thank you for always being there. Thank you, for 30days.

The wedding's not happening. I'm telling you this because you're the only one in Seoul who has the invitation. 

I want to tell you a top secret: I'm your biggest fan. From many years ago till many years forward, I think I'll always be.

Now you can say that accepting a girlfriend proposal from you four months ago was hard on my part. Now you know why I've asked you about your fans too many times before. Now you feel the sincerity of this letter because it's the first (out of hundreds I've written for you) that got read finally. 

Two years from now, we can go to that cafeteria. We can drink coffee and talk about how we met two years back. I want to have that time with you. 

In 2016, let's meet again. I love you Wu Yi Fan.

-Adventurous girl you take risky chances with