GOING BACK

 

Alex shared the room with Chesca. When she got back from the beach, Chesca was already fast asleep. She left one lamp on, she never sleeps with all the lights off. Then she remembered asking her Mom about shooting stars when she was younger. 

 

'Mom, do you believe stars could fall?' They were in the balcony of their home. Alex rarely sleeps early. Her Mom would stay with her and they'd talk until Alex feels sleepy. 

 

'They're called falling stars, Alex.' Her Mom said. 

 

'I haven't seen one all my life.' Alex complained, making her Mom laugh at her. She was only nine then. 'What should I do when I see a falling star?'

 

Her Mom got to her side and held her hands. 'You put your hands in your pocket and make a wish.' 

 

'Will it come true?' Alex asked about the wish. 

 

Her Mom shrugged. 'People say they do.'

 

From that time on, Alex bear it in mind that when she sees a falling star, she'll make sure to follow her Mom's advice. And since it only happens once in a blue moon, she promised that she'd only wish for a really important thing. If her parents were still living, she would have wished for them to have a remarkable golden anniversary. 

 

After a decade she finally saw one. With Kris Yi Fan. And that moment, Alex was sure she has only one wish: something that concerns her engagement. 

 

She heard her phone rang, indicating a new message. When she clicked Open she read a simple 'Goodnight.' from fake boyfriend. The cold guy must still be awake. Alex thought of replying. She held her phone for seconds. What should she say? When someone says goodnight all you do is reply the exact same thing. In the end, Alex thought it was unnecessary.

 

 

 

 

 

It was Kris's first time witnessing a falling star. He never was that guy who'd go stargazing at night, that wasn't his style. But he realized it amazes him. 

 

When you see a falling star, some would automatically close their eyes and make a wish. Some would put their hands in their pockets, just like what Alex made Kris do a while ago. He heard those when he was a kid. He used to read stuff without really finishing it. His Mom would buy him books and he feels obliged to read them so he does. But his Mom never knew that he never finished even a single book. He would always make it only up to the middle. There were things he loved doing more. Like basketball and darts.

 

During that moment at the beach, Kris felt like it was Alex's first time too. He saw the glee in her eyes. And the kind of rush she got when she saw it. She went really excited. And Kris, for once, forgot that she's a model. She looked young and how do magazines say it? Carefree.

 

Kris reached for his phone and typed the word 'Goodnight.' He intends to send it to Alex and so he did. When the word Sent appeared on his screen, he started waiting for a reply. It was almost three in the morning when he finally put his phone down, knowing that the model wouldn't reply. Alex might already had fallen asleep. 

 

 

 

 

 

They were all up by seven in the morning. The breakfast was set on the table and the staff served them politely. Alex hasn't taken a bath yet, leaving her hair kind of bushy. She realized she didn't care. She was only going to be in front of her manager and friends. Hyun Bae kissed her good morning on the cheek and told her that she looked more ordinary without make-up. Alex doesn't know what to make out of that but she smiled anyway. Everyone but her seemed to have spent the night well. Her eyebugs were ugly.

 

'What time did you sleep?' Chesca asked the moment she sat down. 

 

'Two? I don't know.' Alex had not noticed the time, really. She couldn't tell Chesca that she was reminiscing again that's why.

 

When all persons were present, Flix led the prayer and they started off with their meal. Alex noticed one absent. She was looking at the vacant seat beside Hyun Bae. 'Where's Yi Fan?' She asked, making all heads turn to her direction. She felt as if she committed a crime. It was only a question!

 

But then everyone started smiling in a weird way and Yoo Rin (Alex's workmate) was the one who replied. 'He went to the hospital.'

 

'Hospital?' What could Yi Fan possibly be doing in a hospital?

 

'He went to visit his Dad.' Chesca clarified. 

 

'What happened?' Alex was with the cold guy last night and he didn't even tell her anything.

 

'Kris said his Dad's been comatose for two years now.' Flix spoke this time. Alex looked from one to the other. Why did she feel left out once again? 'He also said that he has a full schedule today. Preparations for his comeback album.' 

 

Alex kept quiet. So everyone knows something about Yi Fan that she doesn't? She's his fan! And she was supposed to be his fake girlfriend! 

 

She wanted to ask more. But everyone was looking at her like they highly disapprove of something and Alex couldn't quite put her fingers on it. She was sorry she didn't know, okay.

 

Then Hyun Bae started saying that the breakfast was good. That was a good diversion. Alex was grateful for it.

 

 

 

 

 

'Miss Dawson?' 

 

Alex and the rest were on their way out the resort when she heard running footsteps behind her. It was the lady from the front desk, calling after her and holding something in her hand. 

 

Alex stopped walking. 'Yes?'

 

The lady in uniform tried to catch her breath for a while before answering Alex. 'Mr. Yi Fan told me to give you this, as a souvenir.' She handed over a red-painted starfish with the written words 'Yi Gora Beach Resort'.

 

Alex looked at it in her palm. How thoughtful. She nodded upon receiving it. 'Tell him I said thanks.' Then she turned around to resume walking.

 

'But Miss Dawson?' She heard the lady again. 'Aren't you going to see him today?' Oh. Right. She's Mr. Yi Fan's girlfriend.

 

'Ah yes. I forgot, sorry. I'll just thank him personally. Bye!' Alex almost wanted to run away as fast as she could. That was really obvious, she thought.

 

 

 

 

 

'Are you sure you're not staying?' Alex got out of Flix's car, expecting Chesca to stay-over her place but the latter remained on the car seat.

 

'Nah, you're actually forgetting something.' Chesca said. 

 

'What?' 

 

'It's my Dad's birthday today so..' Chesca did not finish the sentence intentionally.

 

'Oh my God, yes! I forgot! Please send my greetings to him.' Alex has always treated Chesca's parents like her own because they've taken care of her after the accident.

 

'I definitely will.' Chesca waved one last time before closing the door. Alex saw Xiumin waving from the window too. It was really a fun weekend for all of them. 

 

Alex inserted the keys. It was nice to be back to the apartment. She turned the lights on and the living room almost looked like it needs intense cleaning. She haven't done the laundry for a week already. Alex grew up doing the chores alone and she never insisted on hiring a maid or someone to look after the house. She's a grown-up. 

 

The day has just started and Alex figured she could use it to do all the things she can while she's having a long off from work. She did her laundry, cleaned the kitchen, threw expired canned goods and dairy products, ironed her clothes, arranged her closet and changed all the curtains and sheets from bedroom to bathroom. By six in the evening, every thing around her was shining. And she felt exhausted. She came down to the sala and looked-over her old DVDs and hard-drive. One pile caught her attention. It was labeled 'Fangirl'. 

 

It was her collection of Kris's albums; from his first mini album to the latest. They were all originals. Alex saved up money to buy all of it. She remembers going home from the music store and staring at the CDs thinking if she could make herself tear the plastic cover. And she would invite Chesca to listen and watch it with her. She remembered Chesca's statement the other day 'Issues of being a fangirl. I hate it.' Alex found herself smiling. Those were the crazy years. She swore she'd someday make it to the spotlight too and meet Kris Wu Yi Fan. She used to be a member of one of his official fan clubs. Whenever Kris's birthday was coming, they'd organize a small party with the other fan club members and the moderator would ask them to write letters they would like to send to Kris and he would receive it. Alex doubted if he ever did. Or if he would take the time to read them.

 

Alex wondered where all those gifts and letters went. If Kris was the idol she loved and supported, he would tell them thanks and maybe Kris would have known her name even before they bumped into each other at the airport or before Kris offered her the girlfriend proposal because it was written all over Alex's presents for him. It was always 'Love, Alexandria'.

 

She felt ashamed of herself for the first time. She remembered writing words such as 'I love you Kris!' and 'I hope I can meet you someday!' Sometimes it ends with two or three exclamation points. Yes, she was that fan. 

 

And then her phone rang and it felt like she was twenty again. Kris Wu Yi Fan texted her. She would have shouted it to the world. 'Are you free tomorrow afternoon?' 

 

Alex replied with a 'Why?' 

 

And it only took a minute for her idol to send another message. 'I have a fansigning event at four. Come. I'll pick you up.'

 

And as though it wasn't real, Alex did not reply anymore and just lay their on the carpet, thinking He didn't even wait for me to confirm! He's demanding! He seems to always get things his way. Alex shut her eyes.

 

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