chapter forty-six

Punishment

Alice heard about the punishment. She was now aware of what she’ll have to face. And she had no regrets on her decisions, even if it was a bit selfish from her. She wanted to feel contented at least once. She wanted to be egoist for once. At least…once.

She knows it would be hurtful to tell them, her friends, about the punishment. It will be even harder to tell Lu Han. It will bring sadness, angriness, worry and confusion. Even if at least two of them were aware, she knows their emotions, Sulli’s and Lu Han’s feelings, will reflect concern and surprise.

And for once she wished they encounter haven’t occur. If Alice didn’t meet them and felt so comfortable and loved, they wouldn’t have to suffer because of her. From the beginning she knew she will be a charge. From the beginning she knew she’ll cause trouble to them and pain. She knew it was wrong, yet she adventured in the forbidden.

Maybe what books say it’s true? Most of the several books Alice had studied it stated people loved breaking rules. People love to investigate the restricted. What attracts more it’s the unknown and prohibited. Just like Adam and Eva’s story. Eva felt so tempted into something she forbidden to do and yet she did it. She was prohibited to eat from the Tree of Life to not die, and even if she was deceived, she did it. Despite the several warnings she received, Eva ate from that tree. But not only she ate a fruit from that tree, but also she shared it with Adam. Eva made Adam ate an apple from the Tree of Life, the tree they weren’t supposed to steal a fruit because of the consequences it would lead.

Humans, demons and even angels feel tempted by the forbidden.

Yet if Alice wished she hasn’t met such amazing and trustful people, she wouldn’t have turn into the girl she was now. She was way more decided and less afraid than the girl she was just a couple months ago. And she felt surprised the effect they had on her. Not only she felt comfortable with their jokes and cheerful, bright and supportive words, but also they made her feel loved once again. She felt like she belongs somewhere once again. Alice felt welcomed by them.

And once again, Alice felt loved by someone. It wasn’t a motherly or friend love, but a special and unique affection. It was an unusual feeling that made her vulnerable. A love that made her weak and fragile, yet so strong and powerful.

Alice loved Lu Han. There wasn’t doubt of it.

But she felt guilty of that love. She blamed herself for such selfish thoughts. Because of her acts Lu Han will suffer. Because of her selfishness and her decision of adventure into the forbidden Lu Han will get hurt.

But did she regret it? No. Nothing a bit.

Egoist? Maybe, but she didn’t care anymore.

Those experiences gave her such a new feelings that full her heart to the maximum. The five boys’ concern made her believe she wasn’t alone anymore. Sulli’s support and amity made her stronger. Lu Han’s love warmed her heart to the fullest.

And Alice felt prepared for the penalty she’ll receive.

“Hey, Alice,” Chen said and signaled someone standing against a tree not far away from them, “Someone it’s waiting for you”

Xiumin smirked and recognized Lu Han as Alice turned around. The girl didn’t feel surprised by seeing him there, waiting. Alice smiled due to his cute and concern act. What else did she expected from her boyfriend? Boyfriend. Alice bit her lower lip from preventing herself smile grew wider.

Before Alice walked towards Lu Han she bid her goodbyes.

“Will I see you soon?” She asked with hope.

“Maybe,” Xiumin whispered. He didn’t want to raise hopes in her, because he wasn’t sure. Xiumin wasn’t sure if they were able to see her…again.

“Will you tell him?” Chen asked.

He didn’t expect Alice’s answer, neither Xiumin. They realized Alice’s personality changed a bit and she opening a little.

“I have to,” Alice said with a gaze full of love towards Lu Han, who was standing against a tree with his eyes closed, like if he was sleeping but at the same time he was awake. “I know it’s hurtful, but more painful would be if I don’t tell him.”

Xiumin and Chen nodded in agreement.

And Alice bid her goodbyes. She wasn’t sure if she’ll be able to see her demon friends once again. The ones who protected her and cared for her. The ones who didn’t hide the truth but were honest with her since the begging.

She hoped to see them once again before her punishment … starts.

“Lu Han?”

He lifted his gaze and did nothing but smile. Alice’s heart shrugged, but at the same time felt warm and full with content.  It’s the effect of love? Or maybe it’s effect of fear? Fear of telling someone you cared something you know will harm them. Fear of guilty and pressure.

“Did you wait long?” Lu Han shook his head, still wearing that precious smile of his.

Chen and Xiumin looked at each other and smiled. They were indeed happy for them, but at the same time they were thoughtful and their gazes reflected pity.

All because of the black and painful future that awaits them.

Lu Han noticed them and saw them disappear in a blink of eye. He recognized Xiumin and he guessed the other male next to him must be Chen. Then he took Alice’s hand and started walking, she following him.

Lu Han didn’t ask about the conversation she had. He didn’t demand an explanation, but waited (hoped) Alice tell him. He was just waiting. He was patient, because he trusts her. Lu Han knows Alice will tell him. He just needed to wait for her.

Alice was just processing about the conversation. She felt uneasy and kind of sick. She felt dizzy.

She didn’t know how to begin or how to start explaining!  How was she supposed to make it clear? But most of all, she fears Lu Han’s reaction. Maybe he’ll get mad at her. Maybe he’ll yell at her. But… never those kind of things happened. Lu Han was caring with her. He was really patient.

Before Alice even noticed it, they were already standing in front of the apartment’s door. She wasn’t even paying attention the entire walk?! She was really distracted with her thoughts. But what warmed her hurt was the fact Lu Han leaded her the entire time. He knew she was thinking, deep in her thoughts, and didn’t want to disturb the girl.

Lu Han was about to open the door when he felt something. He felt like someone was hugging him.

Alice was indeed hugging him. She rested her forehead against his back for support and inhaled his addictive scent.

“I’m sorry, Lu Han,” Alice whispered.

Lu Han smiled at her behavior and slightly turned his head, “Why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong”

But I will. “I’m sorry,” she whispered once again, “I’m really sorry”

Lu Han broke the hug and turned towards her. And with a supportive and loving gaze he curled Alice’s hair behind her ears. Alice knew he was asking for an explanation. Even if Lu Han didn’t say a word about it or asked her, Alice knew it. She recognized his soft and caring acts. It was his way of saying “Tell me, I’m here to hear you”

Alice bit her lower lip slightly and with a fragile gaze she started explaining him.

She mentioned him the reason of her fast leaving. She mentioned the conversation with Xiumin and Chen. She told him she failed. And in the moment her words entered Lu Han’s ears he hugged her. “I failed. I didn’t pass the exam for demon apprentices.” He embraced her softly and caring. Even if she wasn’t crying, Lu Han knew she was hurt. But he noticed something in her words. Those were strong, fearless and determinate. He knew she wasn’t afraid anymore. Alice didn’t fear failure anymore.

She had a soft exterior. But behind her soft exterior, now, lies a warrior. A more determinate and stronger Alice.

“What about the punishment?” Lu Han caused making Alice squeezed him stronger. But she didn’t cry. She didn’t want to tell him. Those words will break him. Those words will make him vulnerable. But she has to. Just like she said before, if she doesn’t tell him, it would be way more painful for him. Because sometimes ingenuousness it’s like a double-edge sword. You can get hurt by it if you aren’t careful.

“It’s already settle,” Alice started. She stated in silent for a few seconds, still hugging Lu Han, he embracing her back, into an affectionate hug. “You can hate me. You can detest me for the rest of your life if you want. I don’t care. As long as you are happy, you-”

And Lu Han shut her with a kiss. A rather longer and deeper kiss. This time Alice felt Lu Han’s lips moving against her and she corresponded the kiss. Lu Han’s hands made its way towards Alice’s waist and pulled her closer. Her arms landed in Lu Han’s head and then her hands played with his hair, pulling his face closer and closer deepening the kiss.

His kisses were addictive and caring. Soft but demanding.  And his touches were electrifying but full with consideration.

Lu Han broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Alice’s. And with his eyes closed, as well as hers, he started. “Never say that again. There’s no way I hate you. It won’t ever happen. You hear me? Never”

“Even if I hurt you? Even if I cause you a severe pain?” Lu Han nodded.

Alice waited a few seconds before her words came out. Was she ready for his answer? “Even if I…I-If I disappear? If I disappear from your life?”

And in that moment, Lu Han had a vague idea about Alice’s punishment. Yet, he feared it was true. It couldn’t be, could it? It can’t be true, can it? She’ll disappear?! That wasn’t possible. What she meant by disappearing?

“I-It’s that your penalty for failure? Disappear?” Lu Han asked. And Alice did nothing but nodded.

Lu Han knew what Alice needed the most in that moment was support. She needed someone next to her who cared and gave her nothing but comfort. And he was willing to give that assistance to her.

He just couldn’t hate her, because he loves her. Even if her punishment it’s disappear he can’t develop a sudden hate towards her. It was impossible. He cared in so many and different ways for Alice that it would be absurd to detest her out of sudden.

“Just like I said…There’s no way I could hate you,” Lu Han mumbled, “Even if this news are shocking and hurtful not only for me, but I know for you too, I can’t hate you out of sudden. That’s absurd and childish”

Lu Han caressed Alice’s cheeks due to the sudden tear falling from her eye. Even if it was just a simple tear, he took it away. It wasn’t a tear from pain, but from content. Happiness because Alice knew Lu Han wasn’t lying. He won’t ever detest her. Even if she hurts him in many ways, he won’t.

“I’ll disappear…physically,” Alice said, “I’m not sure if emotionally too. I’m not sure if The Council will erase your memories, Sulli’s or the boys’ too, but promised me one thing.” Lu Han eyes rounded and waited for her request, “Promise me you won’t ever forget me. I know it’s selfish. You have to move on and all, but promise me that. Let me selfish this time. Only this time let me be egoist”

Lu Han grinned, nodded and kissed her forehead. “I promised you I won’t ever forget you. I promise you…Ahri”

It was a magical love. A beautiful magical love affair they had. A beautiful but tragic love affair.