Chapter 56

The whole studio froze as all eyes were on the three of us. Against Jiyong’s chest, I could feel his emanating heat and hear how fast his heart was beating. Or was it mine?

It took me a minute to regain control of my body, but his arm was wrapped around me so tightly that I couldn’t budge.

“Hyung!” I hear Seungri’s voice squeak followed by a stampede of footsteps. Him, Daesung, TOP, and the girls come into view as they all take in the scene before them. “W-What’s going on?”

Nothing. No response from either men and I couldn’t even find it in myself to begin to explain this situation.

“Why don’t you ask him?” Jiyong finally spoke through gritted teeth.

All attention turned towards Youngbae who I could see had his signature blank expression, not giving anything away.

“Hyung… what happened…?” Daesung’s asked with concern towards Youngbae. But Youngbae was quick to answer.

“I tried to kiss Dara.” He said loud and clear and without a hint of remorse. I hear Bom gasp as CL and Minzy give me a worried glance.

“But honestly,” He continues, “I don’t see why you need to react like this.” He drops his gaze to the tightened grip around his collar and back up at the owner of that hand.

“It’s not like she’s yours.” My eyes widen as I begin to understand where this is going… but can’t possibly believe it.

I look up to assess the damage done and see fire in Jiyong’s eyes, his face as hard as stone. But he wasn’t able to say a thing because, as of a few days ago, it was true.

“Judging by your silence, you know it’s true too.” Youngbae’s voice had almost a mocking tone to it, something that I never heard from him before. It gave me chills. “Acting so brash and impulsive with everything that has to do with her. And in the end all it does is cause trouble and get her hurt.”

He takes a step forward, closing the distance between them.

“You’re the one who caused all of this… I’m only trying to fix it.” Youngbae says while gesturing to the entire set. “All of this… is damage control caused by your careless and selfishness. Can you still really think you are the best thing for her? Even when there is someone that likes her and is better suited standing by her side from the very beginning?”

I was shocked. Not only by his statement but also looking at Youngbae now as he says these things… I could barely recognize him. It was as if something had cracked inside of him and these words were spilling out. The fury in his eyes… the sharpness of his words… Everything about it left me at a loss of words. … Since when?

But as a final blow, he speaks again.

“A little kiss with Dara will solve your problems. You’ll thank me later.”

In a blink of an eye, it all happened too quickly for me to register again. But when everything processed and after the shrieks from the girls, I realized that Jiyong’s hand was no longer gripping my shoulder but instead colliding hard with Youngbae’s cheek.

“Jiyong!” I exclaim as I watch Youngbae fall backwards onto the floor with Jiyong towering over him, his chest heaving, and hands tightly clenched.

“Thank you…?” He said softly followed by a bitter snicker, “I’D RATHER DIE THAN SEE THAT HAPPEN!”

There is a moment of silence where the only thing that could be heard was Jiyong’s slow and deep breathing.

“Did you… even ask?” He said slowly, “Was she… even aware that you were going to do that?” Silence. “Did you not notice her completely freeze? The panic in her eyes?!”

All I could see was his back, but it was clear he was shaking. Was he that angry?

“If she agrees to it. If she’s fine with it… If she’s made her decision…then I can’t do anything about it. But…” He pauses making my heart swell like a balloon from the suspense. Probably, because I knew he wasn’t just talking about the almost-kiss.

“I’m not going to change. I’m never going to stop being careless, selfish, or even stupid when it comes to her. And I’m always going to be pissed to the point of insanity at the thought of another man even touching her. I’ve made a promise to her, and I intend to keep it no matter the cost.”

My thoughts immediately think back to that night at Jiyong’s apartment. Before everything was ruined, when things were finally falling into place.

‘No matter what happens, I will always be there for you. And no matter what, I will be the one to love you unconditionally.’

I clenched my fists as an overwhelming wave of feelings hit me at the memory. Why does this keep happening? No matter how hard I try to move on, give up, and forget. I can’t. In such a short span on time, this person… this man has affected so much… Despite all of the pain, hardship, complications that keep reoccurring every moment we are close… my feelings never wane… if anything they just continue to grow, wanting him that much more.

I am snapped out of my thoughts as I watch Jiyong abruptly turn from Youngbae and walk off set. I manage to catch a glimpse of his face that nearly took my breath away. It was the first time since that night in front of Sohee’s house, that I’ve seen his face so clear of pain.

Soon after, Youngbae swears under his breath while getting up and walks in the opposite direction. Everyone looks around at each other confused and unsure of what to do or say next in this situation. But as I look towards the distance of where Jiyong disappeared to, clarity suddenly hits me as I hear the director’s voice in my head.

‘The more pain you have to endure, the sweeter it will be when you survive’

I look towards the director immediately and see that his eyes were already on me. Unlike everyone else, his face was the most calm and untroubled and while looking at him, I knew that he saw his words had finally reached me. He gave me a small smile and nodded his head. He then stood up and yelled out cheerfully, “Alright everyone! Lunch break!” And with that chance, I took off and ran towards the direction that I knew I needed to be.

“Youngbae!” I called out as I finally catch up to him. He slows to a stop but doesn’t turn to face me. Nervousness begins to bubble up inside of me as I look at his back. Even though I brought myself here, I didn’t clearly think through exactly what I wanted to say to him. But as I stood there and sorted through my thoughts, I couldn’t help but notice the differences between Jiyong’s and Youngbae’s back… not just physically, but what they meant to me.

Finally, I believe I’ve found the words I wanted to say and let my heart do the talking. Immediately, I fold my upper body to a 90-degree bow.

“I’m sorry, Youngbae.” I begin, noticing the slight shakiness of my voice, “I don’t know… how it all came down to this. But, I finally understand all that you’ve done for me, how much you’ve cared and worried about me, and all the trouble I’ve caused you.”

I take in a deep breath as I start to feel tears creeping towards my eyes. No, you can’t cry. You must say this clearly.

“You… have always been my special person. You are my dearest and closest friend in the YG family. You were always there for me and pushed me to be my best. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be standing here today. For that, I am extremely grateful.” Flashes of our memories together started appearing in my mind, starting from day one at the auditions, to our encounter in the hallway, and the beginning of our relationship before phase three of the auditions.

“This whole time… I’ve been selfish and greedy… accepting your kind and gentle gestures without understanding and acknowledging your thoughts and feelings.” I squeeze my eyes shut as I push these final words out of me.

“I’m so sorry… and I can no longer allow you to sacrifice so much for me… when my feelings are not the same.” I manage to say these words all in one go, preparing for the consequences to come my way.

I remained bowed as I wait in silence for him to respond with anything. I partially wanted him to lash out at me, to be angry with me, anything to reaffirm the mess I’ve made and how horrible of a friend I had been. But of course, Dong Youngbae is nothing short of being a true gentleman.

I feel his touch on my shoulder as he pushes me up so that we were face to face. He had a small smile that couldn’t completely mask the sadness in his eyes. My heart hurts seeing the bruise beginning to form on his cheek.

“You dummy… I should be the one apologizing.” My face scrunches in confusion but he continues to explain.

“About the almost-kiss.” He sighs as he shoves his hands in his pockets, “Actually, it was the director who asked me to do that at the last minute.” I think back to when the director called Youngbae over before the take and seeing Youngbae so flustered.

So… it was the directors’ idea?

“To be honest, I wanted to do it too. But it wasn’t until the director told me to that I got enough courage to try my luck.” He chuckles bitterly, “Jiyong was right though. I… we shouldn’t have pulled that on you without warning you first… especially if there was no guarantee that Jiyong would’ve reacted the way he did.”

“Jiyong? What do you mean?” I ask completely perplexed. Youngbae shakes his head and chuckles softly again.

“Dara, as a friend, let me just say, for someone who is supposedly good at acting, you are horrible at hiding your actual feelings.” He lightly flicks my forehead, “Yah, you didn’t have to come all the way here to tell me what I already knew. What everyone already knew.”

My cheeks flush at the thought of how transparent I’ve been.

“Everyone, especially the director, could see how hard you were trying to push Jiyong away despite how you actually felt. Always trying so hard to please everyone… to not cause trouble… we all could see how hard you were pushing yourself just for the sake of others despite how you were actually feeling inside.”

“But everyone had to go through so much trouble to fix the mess that I’ve made. How could I simply ignore that?” I tried to protest but Youngbae’s firm grip on my shoulders stopped me.

“Dara, it’s great to be so selfless and considerate of others, that’s what we all love about you.” Youngbae looks me straight in the eye, making sure I’m listening to every word. “But you have to remember, every once in a while it’s good to be selfish and do things for yourself.”

He let his words sink into my brain before he continues, “Isn’t your selflessness what caused you so much trouble in the first place, with Sohee?”

I think back to the very beginning when I could still call Sohee my cousin and my best friend. How I always held back and didn’t dare to listen to my gut that was practically screaming at me. How I always worried that I was being selfish and making sure to put Sohee’s problems before mine. At that time, I thought I was doing the right thing, but look at where that led me.

“Before the take, the director said that we had to ‘open your eyes’ before it was too late and instructed me to kiss you instead at the end, to gain a reaction from Jiyong. He hoped that would be enough to help you realize that there is more than one option.”

I look down at the floor as a mixture of warmth and guilt fills me. How did I become so blessed to meet these people who care about me. There’s no doubt that this whole commotion was a huge set back in the production, and yet the director and Youngbae were willing to make that sacrifice. The tears that were welling up inside me successfully made its escape from my eyes.

Youngbae gently lifts my head and wipes the tears away.

“Go.” He says with a smile, “Go to Jiyong. After talking with me, that’s what you were going to do next right?”

Once again, nothing gets past Dong Youngbae. I nod and wearily smile at him before turning towards the direction that I last saw Jiyong head towards.

“Dara!” I hear Youngbae’s voice call out to me. I stop running and turn around to see him standing where I last left him, both hands in his pocket and the same sad smile as before.

“Thanks…” He sincerely says, “for letting me down easy. As usual, you are not one to beat around the bush.”

My heart aches with the confirmation of Youngbae’s feelings towards me as I watch him turn around and walk away with a slight wave of his hand.

In the end… he is the one being selfless.

Before letting it all go in vain, I turn back around and begin my search for Jiyong. All the while thinking of the sacrifices of my dearest friend, the true selfless person.

After countless laps around the studio and asking several of the crew, I make my way to towards the emergency staircase. This is the last place I haven’t looked. I swiftly open the door and scan the dimly lit staircase to finally find the person I’ve been looking for.

“Jiyong…” It was weird that although I had a sense of relief upon finding him, my heartbeat increased so quickly at the sight of him.

He looked up at me in surprise, sitting on the floor leaning his back against the wall and resting his, now, messily bandaged hand on the first step of the stairs. As I slowly make my way towards him, I spot the first aid kit sitting open next to him. I frown at the sting in my heart and seat myself right in front of him.

“Dara… what are you—“ I cut him off by placing a finger at his lips. It hurt even more to hear him call my name so sweetly, after everything I’ve put him through.

I glance down at his bandaged hand, “Does it hurt…?” I ask while gently picking his hand up with both of my hands.

“Well…” He trails off, clearly shocked and unsure of what I was doing. As carefully as possible, I raised it to my lips and gave it a small peck before bringing it to my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into it, feeling it’s heat… the slight throbbing pain he must have been feeling… This … getting angry and hurt on my behalf…

“Dara…?” His voice sends butterflies throughout my body.

His hand looks like it hurts a lot… I bite on my bottom lip to control the turmoil of emotions inside of me. It makes me want to cry…

I slowly open my eyes and dare to look at the eyes of the man who is willing to risk everything for me. Even now, they were still so full of concern and tenderness when I was the one who caused his pain.

“I’m so sorry.” I felt a tear drop from the corner of my eye.

“I love you, Jiyong.”

*BlueNote*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I am TERRIBLY sorry EVERYONE.
It took me a month to update this chapter

To be very honest (and embarrasing enough to admit)
This was the most difficult chapter for me to write
Not only did I have to finish up exams and deal with moving to a new apartment
I was never satisfied with it each time I tried to write
and had to keep redo-ing it
over and OVER again
I even had to reread the whole story to get the right feeling

But of course that's not an excuse
And I apologize for the long wait T^T
I didn't even keep you guys updated on twitter like I said I would
Because I was so damn ashamed of hitting a major writers' block
I hope to never do that to you guys again
and leave you all hanging

I hope this chapter was worth the wait though
as I feel like it is an important one
specifically for Dara and Youngbae
I hope I protrayed the right feelings and reactions
Please let me know! I'd love to hear feedback

Thank you all again for being so patient
and putting up with the noob writer T^T

*If you are confused about layout/weird details that seem wrong+right at the same time, please read the story description!*