Chapter 22

“Um… Jiyong…” I ask nervously as I play with my fingers in my lap. This is so embarrassing… how am I supposed to word this without sounding like a total fool!

“Mmm?” He replies with a tone letting me know that I have his undivided attention. I glance at him and he is smiling while keeping his eyes on the road, both hands on the steering wheel.

“About earlier… what you said…” I fumble with my words, trying to get the question out.

“Earlier? What did I say?”

“Well… you… um… about… girlfriend?” I spit out the last word as I begin to blush.

“Ohhhhh.” His smile gets even wider, “What about it?”

Why is he being so casual?! Finally, I just let it go, not caring if I sound like an idiot, I have to set things straight.

“You’re not serious about the whole girlfriend thing right?”

“Why, you want to be my girlfriend?” He asks so quickly that I swear he knew what was going to come out of my mouth.

“Eh?! I mean… you and I… that’s just… we can’t…” I am unable to find the words. Since when did Park Sandara ever get so fumbly with words! I mentally slap myself in the head. SPIT IT OUT!

“It just wouldn’t be appropriate!” I finally let it out.

He finally starts laughing, “Why are you being so formal and serious!” He glances at me through the corner of his eye, “Of course I’m joking, dummy. I was just getting you back for hitting me with your bag.” He laughs again, “Yah. Don’t worry so much. You’ll get wrinkles.”

My whole body relaxes at his answer. Of course he was just joking, Dara. You really are stupid. Why would a star like him date someone like you? Unconsciously, my brows furrow at the thought.

“Hey! I told you not to frown, do you want premature wrinkles?” Jiyong calls out to me.

“Oh, I didn’t even notice I was frowning…”

The car fills with silence.

“Hey,” His voice is now serious, but still gentle. “Are you and Youngbae dating?”

There my face goes again, completely red at the just thought. “W-what?! N-No! We aren’t! We are…” I try to think of the right words to describe it, “just really good friends!”

Yeah, that’s it right? Just really good friends? I question myself for the second time tonight.

“Oh… really?” He says as if deep in thought.

I simply reply, “Yeah…”

Silence again.

“Then do you like him?”

“What’s with the 20 questions?!” I panic and use my hands to cover my already red face.

I hear him smirk, “I take that as a ‘yes’.”

“That’s not a ‘yes’!” I protest.

“But it wasn’t a ‘no’.”

Ugh… this guy. He is driving me insane!! I don’t even know my own feelings! Yes, I feel comfortable with Youngbae, I like spending time with him, I like getting to know him better… but it doesn’t mean I like him...

“It’s a, ‘no more questions or else I’m going to jump out of the car’.” I say in one swift sentence.

“Alright, alright. I don’t want that to happen…” He pauses, “or else your boyfriend will kill me.”

“YAH, KWON JIYONG!” I hit his arm, forgetting he was driving. Luckily, it was just a slap.

“Okay okay! I’m just the driver. Mouth shut.” He turns and smiles at me. For a second, I think I catch a glimpse of sadness in his eyes but he turns back to face the road too quickly for me to confirm it. I guess it was just my imagination.

I turn back to face the road as well and lean into the chair. We continued down the road in silence. Before I could even stop myself, I doze off into deep sleep as my last thoughts buzzed around in my mind.

What are my feelings towards Dong Youngbae?

~*Jiyong’s POV*~

Sh*t.

I glance over and see that she has fallen asleep. Even when sleeping, she’s quite a sight. I sigh and bring my concentration back on the road again, thinking about the sudden realization I made earlier.

There is no doubt that I am drawn to this girl. I can’t say that I ‘like’ her just yet since I’ve literally only really gotten to know her for a day… but it’s no doubt that I am physically and mentally drawn to her. I’ve probably been drawn to her since the moment I first met her. The moment I heard her say those words. The words that I’ve been trying to find to explain my own feelings for dance.

‘Those who don’t feel the music from within do not understand dance.’

I don’t know why such simple words meant so much to me, but it did. All my life, I have felt that no one understood my style, my passion, and the way I did things. Of course, this is what sets me apart from the rest of the idols in Korea, but almost too much, to the point where I would receive a lot of criticism for my acts. While being in the spotlight, it made me learn that although no matter how much I want to be myself and show the world who the real Jiyong is, I can’t. I have to be morphed in a certain way. It was suffocating and unsatisfying, but that’s why I love dancing the most. Singing and composing songs is still restricting because sometimes people take the lyrics and meaning behind it too seriously. For example, I can’t write a love song to the girl I love, fan girls will hunt her down. That’s why I have to watch what I say and use general or secretive words that only I will understand the true meaning.

However, with dance, there are no words, no ‘special hidden’ meaning. I can move the way I want to move and only I will understand it. Only I can feel me dancing and know why I’m dancing or moving in certain ways. It’s safe and it’s my own. And I thought no one was ever going to understand that, until I met her. Maybe we are more similar than I thought.

Finally, we reach the address of her home. I slow down to a stop and park the car observing the building that was beside us. I turn to look at her and see that she is still fast asleep. I don’t want you to leave… Before I could stop myself, I reached over and brushed the strands of hair covering her face. Now I can really see how flawless her face is. Her perfect eyebrows, her cheekbones, her cute nose, her…lips. I gulp as I stare at them, cheeks getting warm. I can’t do that… not when she’s sleeping.

But… she wouldn’t know… right?

I unbuckle my seatbelt and turn my whole body towards her. Slowly, I lean my head closer… and closer towards hers. My eyes never leave her, to make sure to catch any signs of her waking up. My heart is beating out of my chest when our faces are just an inch apart. I can feel her steady breathing caress my bottom lip. Finally, I begin to close my eyes, wanting to feel the full warmth of her lips on mine.

“Ah…” She mumbles. My eyes shoot open and I pull my body backwards so fast and away from her but only to hit my head hard on the side of the car.

“Aghhh…. ….” I hold my head and groan into the steering wheel as the pain seeps through my entire skull making my head throb. I peek to see if Dara was about to slap me for almost claiming her lips. But no… she was still asleep in the same position. slightly open.

God, this girl… Scared me half to death and now I’m going to have a bump on the back of my head…

Karma. My inner thoughts call out to me although I don’t want to acknowledge it.

Resting my forehead on the stirring wheel, I turn my face to look at her again. I smile at her sleeping expression. Even when she’s asleep, she won’t let me kiss her, thinking back to the first hard slap I got from her. I sigh, admitting defeat.

Fine, you win. I won’t try anything anymore… not until you want me to.

The thought of her wanting me to kiss her made me feel excited. It gave me a strange feeling of hope that someday… that day would come… even though I have no idea where I stand in her eyes.

I watch her scrunch up her face a little before letting out a little laugh and smile, “Don…Youngbae…”

At hearing her say his name, an intense pain appeared in my chest… in my heart. I smiled bitterly to myself, already knowing full well on why she said his name… why she was dreaming about him. She made it so clear when I asked her earlier.

The easiest thing to do in this situation is to just give up, move on, or forget about the feelings I was beginning to have for her. It’s probably what I should’ve done. But I knew it wasn’t an option for me, inside, I’ve already decided. I knew this because the same thought kept repeating in my mind.

Someday… someday that day will come… the day that she will want to kiss me too… the day when she’ll call my name instead.

*BlueNote*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hehe, hope you enjoyed this update! 
Hopefully I'll be able to update again tonight! 
Going to class now, but I'll be back later.

Thank you all!

*If you are confused about layout/weird details that seem wrong+right at the same time, please read the story description!*