Chapter 14

~*Dara’s POV*~

Breaking. My heart, my pride, everything. I had no strength for words or to think.

‘The dancer we have chosen to be my newest backup dancer is…Ahn Sohee’…Ahn Sohee… Sohee… not me… it’s not me… They didn’t pick me… he didn’t pick me.

I felt as if the air has been knocked out me and blood was no longer flowing through my body. I was stiff and empty. How could something that started out as just a favor, turn into something that could render me speechless… and broken.

From the corner of my eyes, I can see Sohee acting calm and polite although inside I know she is jumping up and down with absolutely joy and pleasure. I should be happy for my baby cousin. But I really can’t bring myself to be.

The girl on the other side of me has begun to cry. Why am I not crying? Why am I so empty? I feel so empty.

I hear the muffles of talking, of congratulating but I can’t seem to be able to understand any of it.

I manage to focus my eyes on the three men standing before us. Seeing that President YG is speaking to us, I force myself to make sense of what he’s saying.

“Please remember what I said before. You are all wonderful dancers with a lot of skill and potential to grow. On behalf of YG Entertainment, I sincerely apologize for all the effort you’ve put in today that may seem to have gone to waste.”

Gone to waste.

That’s the phrase that rings in my head. Instinctively, I bow at a 90-degree angle and thank them for their time and the experience. President YG and Jae Wook personally say something to me but once again, I can’t seem to hear it. I just keep bowing and thanking them.

“I’m… sorry.” G-Dragon’s voice shoots into my head crystal clear. I bring myself up to look at him and meet his eyes. He seemed worried… and sad… with a pinch of pity in his eyes.

I don’t want his pity or his concern.

I bow again at him and thank him politely. Still full of empty-ness and missing emotions.

“Sohee, if you could please stay for a little bit longer to discuss paperwork and the schedule.” YG attempts to say quietly.

This was our cue to leave. I bow again and thank them, I probably sound like a recording on repeat but I was unable to say anything else. I just wanted to leave this place.

I quickly gathered my things and left the studio, left the building towards the place I truly wanted to be. Home.

I probably should’ve waited for Sohee. Congratulate her, tell her I knew she’d get it. Tell her that her dreams were coming true and that it is such an honor to be working with them. I should’ve congratulated her for she is one step closer to G-Dragon. I should’ve waited and done all of these things but I can’t. I can’t bring myself to even look at her, to celebrate her happiness, to talk about her accomplishments. This might make me selfish and stupid but it hurt. It was hurting me so much more than I expected. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt so much.

Getting back home was all a blur, but before I knew it I stepped into my apartment. Everything was still the same. Of course it was. It had only been a day, but after everything that had happened, the emotional rollercoaster, it felt like it’s been at least a month. I dropped my bag on the ground kicked off my shoes and made my way to my favorite place in my apartment.

I open the door and stand at the doorway observing my sanctuary, the place I spend most of my time in: my studio. Originally, it was the master bedroom but since it had so much space, it was perfect for a dance studio and I just changed the guest room to my bedroom.

A floor to ceiling mirror took over the entire wall on the left side, while along the back wall was a wooden ballet bar. The windows above the ballet bar had moonlight shinning through, lighting up the room just enough.

I walk over to the front of the room where I see my notes on the floor. Kneeling on the ground in front of them, I spot my marks and counts for the choreography I prepared for this morning. My fingers trail lightly on my notes as I think back to the past few weeks I spent perfecting this choreography. Thinking and wondering what it would be like to perform it in front of my idol. Imagining what he’d say.

‘That was the best performance I’ve seen!’ or ‘You are a really unique dancer, I really admire your style’ or even ‘You really love to dance, huh?’

‘Talentless hack’

I winced at the sharp pain I feel in my chest remembering the real words he said to me. I quickly stand up and make my way to the stereo in the corner and pressed play not caring what song played. I just had to dance.
 

[[Author's note: Open the link in a new window for music!! Music On. Keep in mind, it is not BIGBANG singing, only G-Dragon!]

I stand in the middle of the room, looking at myself in the mirror. I look exhausted and drained, but I didn’t care. I needed to dance.

I close my eyes and let the beat of the song take control of my body, letting it move the way it wanted to move, feeling the music in my bones. My mind relaxed and wandered freely, while unconsciously taking in the lyrics that I was dancing to.

♪ Your head looks down, and you can’t say anything;

Why are you making me miserable? ♫

Flashes of G-Dragon’s concerned face appear in my dark and empty mind.

♪ Why do you feel sorry for me?

Stop now, leave after making me hate you. ♫

Why did he apologize, what is he sorry for. He made his decision, it was clear.

♪ Once a glass cup is broken,

It’s hard to put it back together,

A game with an expected ending. ♫

‘The dancer we have chosen to be my newest backup dancer is…Ahn Sohee’. My moves become more erratic and harsh as the memories flow through my mind. I feel like I’ve lost complete control over my body. The music and my feelings have completely took over.

♪ Everything’s gonna be alright, right. ♫

My breathing is heavy and I can feel the sweat dripping down my face and neck, but I don’t want to stop. I can’t stop.

♪ I hoped that you would hold me a bit more, but it’s useless now. ♫

The way I felt in his arms, the way we danced together. We were perfectly in sync. I thought we were perfect. I thought he’d see that. Feel that. Did no one else see it? Was it all just me, in my head?

I prepare for a spin and just keep spinning and spinning.

♪ I feel pity… ♫

Don’t pity me.

♪ I feel pity… ♫

I don’t need your pity.

♪ I feel pity… ♫

Don’t tell me your sorry.

♪ I feel pity… ♫

G-Dragon’s concerned face appears in my mind again, ‘I’m… sorry’.

I spin out of control and collapse to the floor. That’s when I feel it, as if something suddenly burst inside of me, and I could no longer hold it in. Tears began streaming out of my eyes and running down my cheeks mixing with my sweat.

Why did he not pick me? I thought he would see me, the way I danced and understand me. Accept me. Acknowledge me. I tried so hard. So hard to prove to everyone I was an exceptional dancer. Am I really not good enough? Does my passion and love for dance only go so far? Why do I feel so much pain, betrayal, and so alone? I sobbed into the ground and let everything out. I didn’t care how loud I wailed or how I felt like I was drowning in my tears. No one was there. No one. It was just me and the song that released all of my emotions, all of my pain and confusion. Of course, it would be his song, his voice, to break me.

My cries mixed with the remaining lyrics before leaving me completely alone and in the dark.

♪ Everything’s gonna be alright, right.

Foolish love. ♫

*BlueNote*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wah! I hope you enjoyed this update and also enjoyed the music that I added. 
Please let me know what you think, I'm wondering if I should now have the option to play songs during some chapters to make it "more real".
Anyways, I hope you all enjoy <3

Thank you as always to the comments and subscribers!! This fic wouldn't be possible without you all!

*If you are confused about layout/weird details that seem wrong+right at the same time, please read the story description!*