Chapter 27

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, caressing the top of my head. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

I shake my head still keeping my head down, not knowing what came over me. He didn’t make me cry… it wasn’t his fault. But, why was I feeling like that? What happened? He didn’t do anything wrong…?

I can feel his touch on my chin as he tilts my head up to look at him. Through my watery eyes, I studied his face, his eyes, and his soft and apologetic smile. His thumb wipes away the trail of tears down my cheek. Why do I feel so vulnerable?

We continue to just stare into each other’s eyes, not knowing what to do next. Then I see his eyes shift downwards looking at…my lips!

He looks back into my eyes and then down at my lips again. My mind was blank. It felt like my entire body had shut down while my heartbeat was loud, clear, and fast. Ottoke... I had absolutely no idea what to do. My body was not responding to anything I was thinking or trying to will it to do.

I continued to stare at him, wide eyed as I watch his face get closer and closer. There was nothing I could do, nothing that I wanted to do. So I did the only thing I could think of. I squeezed my eyes shut, blocking everything out, and not knowing what to expect. I waited, and waited, and waited… but nothing happened until finally, I hear a chime from my phone. Saved by the bell!

I open my eyes as Jiyong lets go of me and turns around looking down. “Better go check that…” He coughs clearing his throat.

“Yeah… sorry.” I feel the heat in my face as I rush over to my bag and dig out my phone.

I look at the number of the text message but it is hidden. Hmm? That’s strange. But once I opened the text and read it, even without the number, I knew who it was. And my heart sank.

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.

Sohee… I immediately look up and at the door of the studio that I now see was slightly open. I could feel the blood drain from my face. Oh no… I rush and open the door to look outside. Nothing. My gaze falls to the floor when something shiny catches my eye. And there I see it. I bend down to pick up the pink string bracelet with a silver ‘S&D’ attached at the middle. The same bracelet that I am wearing right now. She really was here… I hold the bracelet tightly in my hands as I replay everything that happened just now between Jiyong and I. She saw all of it.

I feel someone’s presence behind me, “Is everything okay? What’s wrong?”

I quickly stand up and face Jiyong, trying to put the most convincing smile on my face, “Nothing! I thought I heard something that’s all!” I laugh awkwardly as I slip the bracelet into my pocket. “Let’s get back to practicing, yeah?” I push his chest to move him back into the studio, closing the door behind me.

I didn’t want to practice anymore, not when all I could think of was Sohee. What if she’s crying? Where is she now? Is she safe? What must she be feeling right now? I felt nothing but confusion and worry. How could I lose myself just now? I don’t understand what came over me… what came over both me and Jiyong? How am I supposed to explain it to her, when I myself don’t know what happened? Why I was feeling like that… what my feelings even were? I have never felt so strong yet so weak before in my life. How am I suppose to apologize to her when I don’t seem to feel regret? When have I become so selfish?

“Are you sure you are alright?” Jiyong asks.

I nod my head and smile slightly, “Yes, I need to get this down for Music Bank on Friday.”

“Alright then…” Jiyong eyes me curiously but eventually gives in. He gives me one of his amazing smiles again, “Then let’s start from the top? You seem to know all the girls’ parts, so let’s just run the whole thing.”

I smile and nod trying to ignore the slight pinch inside my chest. Please… don’t smile at me like that. My eyes watch him walk to his iPod and making the stereos come to life. While making his way back to me, he smiles again while saying something but I can’t hear due to the pain in my heart. Every time you smile at me, I see her crying face.

Is this my punishment for being so selfish?

“What?!” Youngbae growls and looks at Sohee appalled. She answers but doesn’t bother to look at him, instead she is looking at me. Glaring at me.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea for Sandara-ssi to have such an important part in the choreography for the Music Bank. After all, she only joined us and learned the choreography a few days ago.” She moves her glance to Jae Wook and pouts, “I just want what is best for all of us. We don’t want to make Sandara-ssi too stressed out.”

I flinch at the sound of her calling me ‘Sandara-ssi’. It was so formal, so curt… so distant. Even though I should’ve been expecting this reaction, it was still a shock to me. I tried calling her, texting her all night. I even went to her house but she refused to see me.

‘I’m sure whatever it is, she will get over it! You two are not only friends but cousins too! She loves you!’

I repeat what auntie said to me last night. I don’t think she’s going to get over it any time soon.

I look around the room at the rest of the group. CL, Bom and Minzy are exchanging worried looks and mouthing ‘what’s happened’ to me while the guys, except for Youngbae are trying to ignore the conflict happening before us. The only one not present was Jiyong, who was busy with filming a commercial. I wonder what he’d say to all this?

“Ah… has it been stressful? It’s true we want everything to be perfect… Dara, how do you feel?” Jae Wook looks to me. I feel like my words are stuck in my throat.

“That’s ridiculous! Dara is as good of a dancer as all of us here! She was able to learn choreography in a day! What makes this any different?” Youngbae says angrily.

“But I saw that Sandara-ssi stayed behind yesterday night to practice the choreography… She even asked Jiyong oppa for help.” Sohee says.

All heads turn towards me at Sohee’s last statement, even the boys who were trying to be in their own worlds couldn’t let this information slip by. I look at Youngbae who is just as shocked by this but turns his gaze away.

“Is this true?” Jae Wook asks curiously. The whole room was silent as they waited for my reply. I look at Sohee who tries to hide her smile.

“Yes,” I finally answer, “I was worried about the choreography and couldn’t get the feeling right. I asked Jiyong to help me with it.”

“So… how do you feel about it now?” Jae Wook clearly doesn’t know what to do with my answer.

I think back to last night, practicing over and over again with Jiyong until we both finally felt satisfied. Although my mind was troubled, he still had a way of making me forget… something that I shouldn’t have been allowed to do after hurting my family.

“I believe I’m still not ready for it,” I lie, “Sohee is right, it would probably be best for me and her to switch parts.”

I bow at everyone, “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but this will probably be for the best.”

Jae Wook sighs, “It’s alright. I’m sure you’ve had a lot to get used to and deal with.” He then turns to Sohee, “Then you will now dance Dara’s part, understood? Make sure you know it well.”

“Already do!” Sohee chimes and smiles at him.

“Good, same goes to you too Dara. Now, let’s get started with practice.”

We all move to our respective spaces and begin to stretch. I keep my head down and at the floor, looking exactly like how I feel. Defeated. I’m sorry Jiyong… you worked so hard with me last night… and now it’s all for nothing. On my way to my spot, I pass by Youngbae who I hear whisper to me, “Tell me about it later.”

I simply nod at him before getting to my spot and stretching. Throughout practice, there was a cold chill that followed me wherever I went as if telling me that the worst has still to come.

*BlueNote*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Update for tonight!  I don't know if I'll have another one for you guys but I'll try!
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