Giving Up
I Was Completely Okay... Until I Met the Choi Brothers
When I got home, I lied and told Siwon I had a lot of homework to do, so I couldn't hang out with him.
Truth is, I had no homework. Truth is... I felt like I was a wreck and I didn't know why.
I quickly mumbled hi to my mom, not looking at Alexa and Ayden before I hurried upstairs. I honestly felt like I was about to cry, but no one needed to see that. On the outside, I needed to look like I had everything.
I shut my door, and set down my bag. I took a slow, deep breath, and walked over to my bed. I grabbed my iPod, hooked it up to my iHome system, and blasted it. Jason Mraz's I Won't Give Up started playing and....
I sobbed.
I used to love this song. Secretly, I had called it me and TOP's song. We never gave up on eachother.
Well, now we did.
Why? Why was I doing this? My life was going great. I had popularity. I had good grades. I was awesome in volleyball. I had the hottest guy at school after me. I had everything.
But not what I really wanted.
I grabbed my back pack and took out the crumpled note. I started crying harder when I saw his scrawled, messy cursive script. TOP cared about me. He said he did.
But why was I scared to believe it?
He had been so viscious a few weeks ago. He didn't care about hurting me. I was afraid to be rejected again.
But I had Siwon. He was there for me. And believe it or not, if that rumor was true about Siwon wanting me just because I was a , oh well. I still had him. It at least looks like he wanted me.
I looked at my iPod pictures, letting the tears flow. TOP and I... There were about twenty pictures of us together. There was even one my mom had taken of us one time when we had fallen asleep on the couch while watching a movie. My head was on his shoulder, he had his arm around me, and his head was on top of mine. We looked so.... Perfect.
But nothing is ever perfect.
I missed him. There, I admit it. I missed TOP so much.
I needed to just talk to him about everything. He was like my best friend, but I couldn't go to him for anything anymore. It hurt knowing I couldn't.
I looked at my phone, and scrolled through my contacts. Maybe... Just maybe he would pick up.
"No." I squeaked, looking at his number on my phone. Don't do it. You're fine. Calm down.
I laid back, my phone still in my hand on my bed, my thumb hovering over the call button.
But I couldn't do it.
TOP's POV
Too much was going on. I got home, and Umma and Appa were arguing about something that had to do with Dong Wook. Minho walked by, blasting his iPod so loud, I could hear it through his headphones. Siwon had just walked in, slamming the door behind him.
I was by the stairs, looking in at our parents. I hated it when they fought, but they never did it often. I wanted to talk to Umma. I needed someone to listen to me.
"Stop snooping, dongsaeng." Siwon sighed as he started up the stairs. He was in a pair of football pants, and he was shirtless.
"Why are you home so early?" I asked, following him up the stairs. "Shouldn't you be with Emma?"
"She said she had a lot of homework today." Siwon grumbled, turning to his room.
I had the same classes as Emma. We had no homework today.
"Oh." I simply said, nodded.
Siwon sighed. "Anyway, I'm going to run on my treadmill for a while while listening to music. If anyone needs me, they have to come get me." he shut his door.
He seemed frustrated, which irritated me. Was he frustrated because of Emma? She's done nothing to him.
My body became consumed with emotions. I was depressed, angry, anxious.... I didn't know what to do.
So I walked into my room, slammed the door shut, and blasted my iPod.
I collapsed onto my bed, shoving my earbuds into my ears. I needed to get out of here. There was too much going on.
And none of it was going my way.
My group consisted of a bunch of outcasts, so everyone was pretty much afraid of us. Without Emma and her help, my grades were slipping. I was constantly hounded by YG and Teddy sunbae because of my dancing and how it wasn't as good as everyone else. My oldest brother was in Japan, so i could to talk to him for hours like i like to do. The one girl I love is with my brother.
My life was in ruins.
Tears started falling from my eyes, and I let them slide down my face. I hated this. I had been so mean to Emma that night I ended things. She didn't want to let go of me.
But I let fear and jealousy get the best of me. I was afraid Siwon would take her anyway.
And he did.
Jason Mraz's I Won't Give Up started playing.
But I did give up. I gave up on the best thing in my life.
She visibly hated me, too. I tried telling her about Siwon. I had heard him and Shindong talking on the phone after Siwon's date. They had discussed how Emma was the next target. Siwon was weary at first and tried saying he legitimately liked Emma, but it seemed like Shindong was persuading him otherwise.
It made me sick thinking what Siwon could do to her. She was too innocent for his games. I needed to protect her.
I looked at my phone. The wallpaper was still me and Emma. We were on her bed in her room. She had her lips pouted in a "duck face" cute smile, one eye squinted shut, and the other wide open, a v-sign near her face. I had lamely tried acting y, with a serious eye expression, eyebrows soft, my tongue out slightly, my top lip. I had been wearing a hat that day. We were face to face, cheek to cheek.
I missed her. I missed her laugh. I missed her smile. I even missed her stare.
I needed to talk to her. But I was afraid she wouldn't accept me. She was with Siwon. Siwon was better than me.
I looked through my contacts until I got to her name. I put my thumb over the Call option, and froze. No. I couldn't ruin her life anymore than I had. She seemed happy. I wanted her happy.
I laid back on my bed, and shut my eyes, my phone still in my hand, my thumb still above the Call button.
But I couldn't do it.
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Okay, I'm not sure why, but this chapter just poured of of me. I literally just typed it in 39 minutes. I am currently listening to Jason Mraz's I Won't Give Up, and yes, this song does make me cry because it reminds me of me and my ex boyfriend. So i guess, in a way, this chapter is like me and him but TOP and Emma. Like, I have my thumb above the Call button, just too frozen to press down on.
But anyway, this was pretty intense, and for once, I really like a chapter I wrote. What do you all think? Feedback, please!
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