I haven't rested in three weeks, not even a little.

I decided to stay at Ate Krystal's condo after my heated conversation with Winter because I wasn't in the right state of mind. My emotions got the best of me, and I know I'd say things I don't mean. Knowing me, namana ko sa mga ate ko yung pagiging hot headed. When I'm hurt, I become irrational and the best thing I could do was leave my house.

I airplane mode on my phone to ignore Winter's calls and messages. I knew it was petty, but the image of her smiling and holding Jaemin's hands hurt me. Hell, I became insecure. Ano namang panama ko sa seven years? We’re dating for three months. Three! Months! That week, all I did was overthink. I also gave her space to consider whether she still likes me or not because I don't want her to regret choosing me only to discover later that she still loves Jaemin.

On Friday, we had to fly to Milan for the film's promotion. I was so exhausted from our hectic schedule that the only time I could sleep was in my hotel room. Whole day kasi kaming nasa labas. Ang daming interviews from different local magazines and TV stations. Paulit-ulit nalang yung mga sagot ko sa mga questions nila. It’s getting tiring but I love what I do so I really just have to it up. I haven't even looked at my phone because I don’t have time. I have to get up early in the morning and return home at midnight. It was similar to when we were shooting, but more challenging because I had to socialize with everyone.

I had temporarily forgotten about our fight until I had a day off right at the opening of Gigi and Somi's store, at which point I called Gigi and congratulated her. We had a small talk and hindi ko na napigilan na i-ask si Winter. It's hard for me not to talk to her so I can't imagine how she felt. I felt bad, but I know it's best for us to give each other some space.

“You know ikaw lang gusto ni Winter diba?”

That gave me hope because I was thinking she might have changed her mind. Jaemin is with her, while I'm in another country, not even bothering to check her messages, so when that call ended, I turned off my phone's airplane mode, and the messages and missed call notifications from the previous week popped up.

Binasa ko sila isa-isa and I cried while doing so. I felt bad. Sobra akong naguilty na I chose to ignore her when all she wanted was for me to listen to her. I know Winter wants me, but... my insecurities got the best of me. I felt threatened kasi I thought mawawala na siya sa akin and now that I know Winter wanted to talk to me, I realize she may have made up her mind.

Na baka this time, ako na yung piliin niya.

I wanted to go home right away, which is why I spoke with the bosses the next morning. I said I'd do an interview in Barcelona in two days, but that's all there is to it. They can't make me change my mind. Either they let me go home or I have to ditch them. I informed them that I needed to attend to personal matters in Manila. I don't want to miss Ning's birthday party. I wanted to see my friends… I really wanted to see her.

Besides, I need to fulfill Ning’s birthday wish. I need to make her best friend happy.

During those two days, I let myself work knowing damn well that I'd be coming back home and seeing Winter again. Ate Krystal was also confused kung bakit ang dami ko raw energy. So even though I was exhausted, the possibility of seeing Winter again energized me.

Wait for me, Winter.

“I missed you, baby. I’m sorry…” 

I poured out all of my feelings and longings in that hug. I've never hugged someone so tightly as if they were going to leave anytime soon. My worries disappeared as soon as I felt her body on mine and were replaced by familiarity, comfort, and warmth. It’s funny because her name is Winter and may seem to appear aloof and cold but she’s literally a ray of sunshine. My ball of sunshine.

Our brief moment was cut short when we heard a loud scream from the entrance. Winter was the one who pulled back and looked at the surprised Ning, covering with her eyes widening in disbelief as she gazed at us.

“Direk?! You’re here?!" Ning asked, stunned, as she dashed towards me and literally launched herself to me for a hug. The force even made me shriek, but I was happy to give her a hug in return. We separated after a few seconds and I noticed Gigi standing behind Ning, who was just smiling at me. I immediately opened my arms to give her a hug, which she gratefully accepted.

“I had to rush them na umuwi na sa grocery kanina. Balak pa ata mag away doon eh,” Gigi whispered, causing me to giggle. I told her because pauwi na ako yesterday and asked if she could not tell them about the surprise.

We both pulled away and smiled at each other, “Thanks, Gi. You’re the best.”

“I know. Duh?”

“Oh, tama na muna yan!” Ning shouted. “Kilos na muna tayo for the party later!”

Winter wasn't looking at me as I turned to look at her. I think she is avoiding me, but I understand her. Perhaps we'll talk later when we have more alone time.

WINTER

“Bes, ang ganda ni Direk ngayon. Pansin mo? Iba ata hangin sa Spain,” saad ni Ning habang tinutulungan ako ilagay sa refrigarator yung mga minarinate namin para sa outdoor grill mamaya. 

Umidlip muna si Karina at si Giselle sa kwarto nila para magpahinga kaya kaming dalawa muna ni Ning yung nag asikaso. Tapos naman na namin yung preparations and magpapahinga nalang kami ni Ning sa room namin tapos hihintayin silang magising.

“Maganda naman siya lagi,” I responded matter-of-factly. Ning snorted at napailing nalang. 

“Pero bakit parang nilalayuan mo naman si Direk? Hindi ka makatingin sakanya kanina. Akala ko ba gusto mo na siyang makita ulit?” tanong niya at sinara na ang refrigirator nang matapos ang paglalagay namin ng mga minarinate namin.

Huminga ako ng malalim at napasandal sa counter, “Oo nga but gusto ko sanang mag-usap kami. Shempre kahit naman gusto ko na siyang makita, nagtatampo ako sakanya na bakit parang ang dali niya lang ako tiisin sa loob ng three weeks.”

Ning pursed her lips and nodded. Tinabihan niya ako sa pagkakasandal sa counter and leaned her head on my shoulder. “Gets. Sana maayos niyo. Kailangan pa matupad ni Karina yung birthday wish ko.”

I moved slightly away from her, causing her to raise her head. I scrunched my brows. “Birthday wish? Humingi ka pa ng regalo kay Karina? Ning, sila na nga sumagot ng pla—”

“Pwede kalma lang, bes?” pagputol sa akin ni Ning. “Ikaw rin naman magbebenefit doon. Arte mo pa,” she added pero hindi ko gets yung sinabi niya. 

“Buti nga si Karina and OM G may regalo sa akin. Yung sarili kong best friend, wala. Fake friend ka talaga. Sabi ko na pinaplastik mo lang ak— aray ko, Win!” hinaplos niya ang tagiliran niya na kinurot ko sabay irap sakanya.

“Ang drama drama mo. Shempre may regalo ako sayo!”

“Weh? Nasaan? Wala nga akong nakikita. Gusto ko lang naman ng friendship tattoo, ayaw mo pa. Okay lang talaga. Salamat nalang sa lahat,” she dramatically commented. She sulkingly crossed her arms against her chest.

“Okay ka na?” I asked nonchalantly.

“Hmp!”

“Ang arte mo!” Hinawakan ko na siya sa isang wrist niya at dinala sa viewing deck. Ibibigay ko na sakanya yung regalo ko for her habang kaming dalawa lang. Knowing Ning, alam ko kasing magdadrama siya kapag nalaman niya yung regalo ko. Magkatabi kaming umupo sa sofa sa labas habang nakapout pa rin siya.

“Kanina pa umiikot yang mata mo. Tutusukin ko yan,” pagbabanta ko. Inirapan niya lang ako lalo kaya naman huminga ako ng malalim and tried to compose myself.

Winter, birthday niyan. Best friend mo yan. Pagpasensyahan mo yan ngayon.

“Why are you frowning? Birthday mo ngayon oh,” pagtatanong ko although alam ko naman na yung sagot. Nagtatampo na yan kapag ganyan si Ning.

“Eh kasi ikaw, wala ka man lang binigay sakin. Buti pa yung ibang tao!” sagot niya ng pagkalakas-lakas. Feeling ko any time soon maiiyak na si Ning kaya naman pigil na pigil na ako sa pagtawa. When she saw my reaction, she gritted her teeth at pinaghahampas ang katawan ko. 

“Tama na! Aray, aray! Ning, masakit!” I laughed while screaming habang iniilag yung katawan ko sa mga palo niya.

“Hindi! Mo! Na! Ako! Mahal!”

She stopped beating me, and I realized she was crying, which caused my eyes to widen, so I scooted closer to her and hugged her.

“H-huy, bakit ka umiiyak? Para kang sira,” tanong ko kay Ning habang umiikbi pa rin siya. Natatawa pa rin ako pero ayoko namang marinig niya na pinagtatawanan ko pa rin siya.

“Dahil ba… dahil ba may Karina ka na kalilimutan mo na ako? La–lagi kaya tayo may gift sa isa’t-isa. Nakakatampo lang kasi, Win,” she answered in between her sobs. I chuckled and pulled away para tignan siya.

“Sino bang nagsabi na wala akong gift sa’yo? Meron nga. Do you want to see?” tanong ko. Hindi siya sumagot kaya naman pinagpatuloy ko ang pagsasalita.

“Pero wag ka masyadong mag expect. Ito lang yung naisip ko kaya naging busy ako last week. Yung isang regalo ko nasa room natin pero ito nalang muna ngayon…” Huminga ako ng malalim at tumingin sa best friend ko.

I rolled up my joggers to show her what was on my ankle. She was confused at first as to why I rolled up my jogging pants but when she saw my birthday present, she gasped and widened her eyes. She looked at me in disbelief while I just sat there watching her have a mental breakdown.

“Win… t-that’s…”

I chuckled at itinuro ang first ever tattoo ko. “This is you since it’s your favorite animal…” itinuro ko ang isang butterfly. “And this is me... Ako yan lahat,” I chuckled habang itinuturo ko ang mga maliliit na stars around the butterflies. 

“Yan lang nakaya ng pain tolerance ko kaya sorry naman,” I chuckled at tinignan ang first tattoo ko. Habang buhay na talaga ‘to sakin… my God. Pero okay lang. Para kay Ning. “I also made a plate for you. May initials natin yun. Bumalik ako doon sa pottery class na pinuntahan namin ni Kar—-”

I grunted nang maramdaman ko ang pagbiglang yakap ni Ning sa akin ng sobrang higpit. What’s with people hugging me as if mawawala naman ako? 

“Win, thank you so much,” Ning’s voice trembled at nararamdaman ko na naman ang mga luha niya sa t-shirt ko. “Akala ko wala kang gift sa akin…”

Natawa ako ng bahagya. “Ikaw pa ba? Malakas ka kaya sa akin.”

Humiwalay siya sa akin and started pouting again habang tumutulo pa rin yung luha. “Pero ayaw mo ng tattoo…” 

“Ikaw naman favorite ko eh,” sagot ko naman. This time, ngumawa na si Ning kaya nagpanic na ako at tinakpan ang bunganga niya ng kamay ko. Baka mamaya magising pa yung dalawa.

“Huy, wag ka na umiyak! Hindi mo ba nagustuhan?”

Tinanggal niya ang pagkakatakip ko sa bunganga niya ang looked at me worriedly. “Nasaktan ka ba?”

“Okay lang, tapos naman na.”

“Nasaktan ka for me…”

“Wow, parang hindi mo ginusto ‘to. Tama na arte, Ning Yizhuo!”

Niyakap niya ulit ako ng pagkahigpit-higpit and this time, I hugged her with same intensity.

“Happy birthday, best friend. Mahal kita.”

“Win, halika na dito! They’re cooking na!” sigaw ni Ning nang madating ako sa viewing deck. Naligo kasi muna ako to freshen up noong nagising na sila Karina. Wala rin kasi akong balak mag swimming dahil masyadong malamig tonight. Nasa taas ka ba naman ng bundok eh.

“Uy, Win. Upo na kayo dyan ni Ning. Malapit naman na ‘to. Yung hamburgers nalang,” sambit ni Gigi nang lapitan ko silang dalawa ni Karina na grinigrill lahat ng minarinate namin kanina ni Ning.

“Hey…” bati ni Karina nang makalapit ako sakanila. Para na naman akong malalagutan ng hininga. Totoo nga sinabi ni Ning, Karina’s glowing.

I smiled at her at sinilip ang ginagawa nila. “You guys need any help?” pagtatanong ko. Umiling naman silang dalawa.

“Kaya na namin ‘to, Chef,” sagot ni Giselle. “Ning’s been bragging about your tattoo kanina pa. She even wants to use yung plate na ginawa mo for her tonight. Tuwang-tuwa yung birthday girl,” dagdag niya at sumilip sa best friend ko na prenteng nakaupo sa edge ng pool habang nagtetext.

“As she should. Marami akong pinagdaanan para sa birthday niya ‘no,” sagot ko naman causing them to chuckle. Ninakawan ko ng pansin si Karina na nakangiti lang habang nagflip ng patties.

“Kamusta jet lag?” tanong ko. I think nagulat siya sa biglaang tanong ko since hindi ko pa naman kasi talaga siya kinakausap directly ever since na dumating siya dito.

“It’s tolerable,” simpleng sagot niya and turned her head to look at me. She flashed a sweet smile, her eyes turning into crescents. My God, pwede na akong tumalon dito. Karina’s effect on me is insane. “Thanks for asking, Win.”

Nagpapanic na ako na ewan sa loob loob ko. Hindi naman ako dapat ganito pero kasi the thought