Okay, hihinga muna ako ng malalim…

Hindi ko na kinakaya ang ganap dito sa Casa De Yu! Paano ba naman kasi, nung umuwi ako sa bahay noong isang araw kasama si Giselle dahil dapat kakain kami ng dinner, naabutan naming umiiyak si Winter sa dining table kaya naman sobrang kinabahan ako. Shempre best friend ko ‘yun! Ang una kong hinanap is si Karina dahil nga gusto ko siyang chikahin about doon sa interview kasi she did so well naman talaga. Ramdam ko yung inis niya kay Jeno and sa mga taong umeepal sakanila ni Winter ngayon pero pagkabanggit ko pa lang ng pangalan ni Karina, mas lalo lang naiyak si Winter.

Doon ko naconfirm na it has something to do with their relationship. Nagkatinginan muna kami ni Giselle saka namin tinabihan si Winter. Gigi gave her a glass of water kasi nga pulang-pula na si Winter and then that’s when we asked kung anong nangyari.

Ayun, doon niya kinwento yung pagtatalo nila. ‘Yung decision niya to ask some space tapos ‘yung pag walk-out ni Karina pagkatapos niyang pumayag. Shempre, as her best friend, I consoled her muna dahil naiintindihan ko naman siya pero for me, parang may mali talaga.

I mean, gets ko naman na hindi madali for Winter ‘yung nangyayari and it must’ve been hard for her but I can’t help but to sympathize with Karina. She wanted to fight for Winter kasi and tama naman si Karina eh— they should face the problem together but sa nangyari, parang naiwan si Karina mag-isang lumalaban at some point—pero syempre hindi ko na sasabihin ‘yun kay Winter lalo na ngayong marami siyang iniisip.

Baka mag-away pa kami.

“Ingat ka doon ha?” I sighed habang nakapila kami nila Gigi sa labas ng NAIA. Mahaba pa naman ang pila kaya sinamahan na muna namin si Winter dito. Ngayon na ang flight niya papuntang Italy pero hindi pa rin nagpaparamdaman si Karina. After that night, hindi na siya umuwi sa sariling bahay niya. Ang sabi ni Winter, Karina’s mom texted her na nandoon si Karina ngayon sa bagong bili nilang family house and told her to stop worrying. 

Parang tinotoo ni Karina yung paghingi ni Winter ng space kasi pati sa amin, wala rin siyang paramdam. 

“Hmm, ingat kayo dito,” tipid na sagot ni Winter and smiled at Gigi and Somi na bitbit si Tabi. “Please take care of Karina din.”

Balot na balot ngayon ang best friend ko dahil natatakot siya na baka makilala siya ng ibang tao and take pictures of her. She became alert and conscious na sa paligid niya since the news broke. Mahirap for me na nakikita ang best friend ko na mastress dahil sa ganito dahil ever since, sobrang private person na ni Winter and now, dahil sa epal na Jeno na ‘yan, nasira ‘yung private life ni Winter.

Hinihintay ko lang talaga umalis si Winter dahil ayokong makita niya yung gagawin ko kay Jeno. Kung si Winter, kaya niya tumahimik lang, pwes ako hindi. Hindi ako marunong magpatawad. Magpapatayan tayo dito.

“Eh kung tinetext mo kaya? Uutusan mo pa kami,” pagbibiro ko. She chuckled dryly at napailing lang. 

“Ang kapal ko naman siguro kung papapuntahin ko siya dito after I told her I need to get away from her diba?”

We all sighed at sadly looked at Winter. I know this is affecting Winter just as much kahit naman na hindi na namin nakita na umiyak pa ulit siya after that night. She’s good at hiding her feelings kasi. 

“You’re gonna figure it out soon, Win. We’re here for the both of you,” saad ni Gigi.

“That’s right. Take the time that you need, Chef. I’m sure Karina’s going to wait for you,” dagdag naman ni Somi.

Hindi na nagreply si Winter sa sinabi ng dalawa at ngumiti nalang ng malungkot. Kakaiba rin ‘tong best friend ko. Noong nag break sila ni Jaemin, sa New York nag unwind with Karina tapos ngayon na LQ sila ni Direk, sa Italy naman ngayon.

Parang dati lang sa Cubao lang kami ni umiinom dati hay… eme!

“I can’t believe I’m going to Italy,” she says, her voice shaking with excitement and emotion. Malapit na siya pumasok sa loob. “I’ll miss you guys so much.”

“We’ll miss you, too. Take lots of pictures,” Gigi said as she patted Winter’s back. “And bring back some recipes to share with us.”

“Of course,” Winter chuckled. “I promise to keep in touch and let you know how everything's going. I just wish nandito si Karina pero I was the one who pushed her away…”

Gigi reached out to comfort Winter. “It'll be fine,” she assures softly. “You'll have a wonderful time in Italy— you deserve this opportunity to learn and grow, and who knows, maybe you and Karina will be back together by the time you return.”

“Hindi naman kami nag break eh,” Winter pouted. Ang pababy lang, kainis.

“Have an amazing time, we'll be thinking about you every day,” Somi added as we give her one last hug.

“Bes, pag hindi mo na kaya, wag kang lumaban ha? Hindi lumalaban ang mga magaganda. Suko ka lang tapos uwi ka na dito,” panloloko ko which, finally, made her laugh.

“Noted, bes. But mag-ingat ka dito ha? ‘Yung bahay, i-lock mo kapag nakauwi ka na. I-double check mo, Ning… sinasabi ko sa’yo.”

And with that, Winter headed through security and out of sight. I can't help but feel a pang of sadness as she leaves. It'll be weird without her for the next month. Ito na ata ‘yung pinakamatagal na hindi kami magkikita ng best friend ko. Hindi ko maiwasan na hindi mag-alala. Knowing her condition, makaka-focus kaya sya? But I’m happy for her dahil magagawa niya ang isa sa mga bagay na mahal niya.

“I just hope na she’ll be okay without Karina,” saad ko at napabuntong-hininga habang nakatayo pa rin kami at nakatingin sa loob ng airport. Winter was finally out of our sight.

Naramdaman ko naman na inakbayan ako ni Giselle. 

“She'll be fine. And who knows, this break might be what she needs to figure things out with Karina.”

“Gigi’s right. I'm sure everything will work out in the end,” dagdag ni Somi. Napatango nalang ako and sighed for the nth time. 

Good luck, Bes.

Tatlong araw na wala si Winter at isang linggo nang wala si Karina dito sa bahay niya kaya naman ganun nalang ang gulat ko nang biglang bumukas ang main door ng bahay one night habang prente akong nakahiga sa sofa. It revealed none other than the owner itself in the flesh.

Bigla akong nanlumo nang mapansin ko na namayat si Karina at grabe pa ang eyebags. Mukha siyang pagod na pagod. Grabe, nagpapahinga pa ba siya?

“Direk? You’re home?”

Para pa siyang natauhan nang marinig niya ang boses ko. She looked surprised nang makita akong nakaupo sa sofa. Nakalimutan niya bang dito pa rin ako nakatira?

“Ning? You’re still here?” she asked softly at naglakad papunta sa akin saka umupo sa tabi ko. Pinagmasdan ko lang siya at tumango.

“Oo naman. Saan naman ako pupunta?” 

“Well, since W–winter’s not here I thought you were gonna stay at Gigi’s.”

Ramdam ko ‘yung lungkot nang banggitin niya ang pangalan ng best friend ko. Grabe, hindi ako sanay na makitang ganito si Karina kasi lagi lang siyang calm and collected tapos she knows how to present herself pero ngayon, she’s like she’s not in her usual self and I think I know kung bakit.

Kakausapin ko na ba siya? Ah, bahala na. Gagamitin ko nalang charms ko.

“Hinihintay talaga kita umuwi, ano ka ba. Namiss kita, Karina!” 

Bigla ko siyang niyakap na ikinabigla niya but soon, she hugged me back and I felt relieved nang maramdaman ko na natawa siya. Naghiwalay din kami after a few seconds saka kami nagtitigan. Napansin kong may dala-dala na siyang bag.

“Dito ka na ba ulit mag stay? Kawawa naman ako, mag-isa lang ako dito,” I dramatically sighed which made her smile pero hindi abot sa tenga.

“Yeah, I waited for Winter lang na umalis. I want to give her all the space that she wants since she asked for it,” mapakla niyang sagot. She pursed her lips at napatingin sa kisame—or baka ayaw niya lang tumulo yung luha na nabubuo sa mata niya.

Saturday naman. Aayain ko nalang ‘tong future kumare ko. 

“Gusto mo magwalwal? Ready ako.”

Gusto ko lang din na mailabas niya yung nararamdaman niya kasi hanggang ngayon, yung feelings lang naman ni Winter yung alam ko and I want to know her thoughts regarding sa nangyayari sakanila ngayon. Kaibigan ko rin naman kasi si Karina kaya gusto kong maramdaman niya na nandito rin ako para sakanya.

Naku, Winter. Lovelife mo nalang lagi kong pinoproblema. When will it be my turn, Lord?

“Sure. I’ll put my things in my room lang then we can start. Order ka nalang ng gusto mong food natin. I’ll pay.”

Karina and I were sitting on the floor dito sa sala, tears streaming down her face as she clutched onto her glass of whiskey. She was drunk, but she didn't care. I guess she needed to let out her frustrations and there was no one better to do it with than me since ako ‘yung pinakaclose ni Winter.

“Ning, I just don't understand,” Karina slurred, her words starting to run together. “Why did Winter have to go and ask for space? We could've fought for it, together. We could've fixed things…”

I sat beside her, listening patiently as Karina ranted. I knew that Karina was hurting, and I wanted to be there for her.

“I don't understand why she just left me like this,” she continues. “I thought we were stronger than anything else but I guess I’m wrong. Isang problem lang ‘yun, Ning pero bakit ganon niya agad ako kabilis bitawan? Hindi ba ako worth it ipaglaban, Ning? Because I know for sure that I’m gonna do everything for Winter.”

I can see the pain in her eyes, and my heart aches for her. I pull her into a hug, letting her cry on my shoulder. I hold her tightly, trying to soothe her. I know how much Winter means to her, and how much this hurts. I want to help her, but I don't know how.

“She didn’t even try to fight for me,” she chuckles bitterly. “I’m all alone dito sa fight na ‘to for our relationship and it made me think, hindi ba worth it ipaglaban yung relationship namin? Ako?” her voice finally cracked at sunod-sunod na ang pag sob niya. Ang sakit-sakit lang na makita na ganito si Karina. 

“Does she really love me or mahal niya lang ako kapag masaya lang ang lahat?”

I attempted to calm her down and comfort her as much as I could, but I could tell she was beyond that. She was hurt and angry, and I couldn't blame her.

“I know, Karina, I know it hurts,” I murmured softly, attempting to keep my own emotions in check. “But, sometimes people just need space to think things out.”

“Space? That's all she could come up with? ing space? I thought she loved me enough para hindi ako hayaang mag-isa,” Karina yelled, slamming her glass on the table.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm her down, but she was beyond reasoning at this point. I could only listen as she continued to vent her frustrations and heartache. Gets ko si Karina. Kung ako rin naman, masasaktan din naman ako kapag hindi man lang ako ipinaglaban ng makakatuluyan ko tapos nag-ibang bansa pa. Wrong timing lang talaga na nasaktuhan yung pag-Italy ni Winter.

“I just feel so