46 | The Insecurity
My Perfect Stranger
✗ Lee Gikwang ✗
I watch the raindrops through the window while my iPod play the song according to my playlist. The rain hasn't stopped since the morning. It's a good thing we don't have any schedule for today.
Yesterday we had finished the song for our collaboration project. Two days ago after the incident at Lotte World, we had to explain the details to the others, including the President.
Up till this moment, President hasn't announced about the break up between Junhyung and Rima. I think he is too busy covering the incident with Yujin's help, making sure there will be no scandal between BEAST and Rima anymore.
My sprained ankle is better now. It's my heart which still aches.
I don't know what happened between Junhyung and Rima after I left to the hospital that day. Junhyung returned at night and he didn't say anything.
I was too afraid to ask him. I know I'm a coward to be scared of his answer. I have been trying to assure myself that I need to forget about Rima...
...but I just can't.
At first I thought she only reminded me of Sora. I thought my feeling for her was nothing. I thought we would be just best friends, just like Sora and I.
I realized that I fell in love with Rima for herself, not for the part of her which is alike with Sora.
When Rima agreed to start the fake relationship in front of public with Junhyung, I finally realized that I was jealous; I didn't want Rima to be with someone else.
Is it too late for me?
The knocks on the door return me to my senses. I head to the door and open it to find Junhyung is the one who is seekin for me, "Can we talk?"
I have a feeling that this conversation is about Rima; I'm not the one who he will search for to have chit chat.
"Sure," I open the door wider and let him step inside. I close the door before I take a seat on the edge of my bed, "Go ahead."
"I know you know what I want to talk about," he starts. "We never talked about it together before but I think it's only fair if both of us know."
"Junhyung," I state, don't want the conversation to head nowhere. "Do you love Rima?"
Junhyung looks surprised with my sudden question but he retorts calmly, "Do you, Gikwang?"
✗ Yong Junhyung ✗
I finally gather up the courage to talk personally with Gikwang. Since yesterday I was in doubt, whether I need to talk with him or just let everything be.
Gikwang is like my own brother. I know his love stories and he knows mine. It's just a fate that makes our love stories to cross each other.
When I hugged Rima, when I see her tears, I felt a tug in my heart.
I want her to be happy.
Yet the insecure feeling strikes me right away. The same feeling happened when Hara rejected my proposal.
Am I the right one for her?
Can I make her happy?
"Junhyung, do you love Rima?" Gikwang's sudden question surprises me. He looks at me with serious expression, waiting for my answer.
I clench my fist silently and reply him, "Do you, Gikwang?"
Before Rima left us to Seattle, I had a thought that she only had one-sided love. Gikwang never mentioned a single thing about his special feeling for her.
However he gave signs that Rima was not only friend for him. He cares for her like how he cared for Sora long time ago.
Gikwang takes a deep breath and intertwines his fingers together, "She cares for you, Junhyung. I don't want to bring up this topic but... Hara still loves you."
I hold my breath upon his statement. He continues again, "When Hara saw me with Rima together, she was really mad because she thought she was cheating behind you. It's obvious that she still loves you."
Honestly speaking I don't need Gikwang to tell me about it.
After the incident, Hara called me, making sure that I was alright. Just like how she used to do when we're still together.
"If you still have feeling for Hara, don't ask Rima to love you back," Gikwang speaks. "I'm talking as your brother, Junhyung."
"I'm serious about Rima," I tell him firmly. "I don't want to compare her with Hara. Rima is Rima and Hara is Hara."
"Then tell me something," Gikwang stands up and takes a step closer to me. "Is it alright for you if I confess to her?"
This is the second time Gikwang makes me speechless by his question.
"If she doesn't return my feeling, I will give up on her," Gikwang mutters and I can see he is serious. "I will respect your decision. Whatever it is."
Why at this moment the insecurity must surfaces?
✗ Kim Rima ✗
The rain is pouring down. The drops of water are hitting the Earth as I let my fingers to dance on the black and white tunes, playing the melody of a song I created together with Junhyung months ago.
Come to think about it, it's been more than three months since I met him.
I still remember the first time we met at the cafe and it's almost midnight. He handed back my wallet and that's why he lost his notebook. If he never did that, we probably never met each other.
I probably would never know how freedom feels like.
Because I met Junhyung, I fell in love with Gikwang. If it's not because of Gikwang, I think my relationship with my father was still in the worst state. If it's not because of him, I would never be myself right now.
Both of them were only strangers for me at first but now they mean more than ordinary strangers.
"Aigoo...," I stop playing the piano and sigh heavily. "What is wrong with me?"
Two days have passed since the incident at Lotte World. My father is the one who takes care of Eric. He even went to met his parent, meaning my mother and Eric's father, the composer. My father will return to Seoul this morning from London.
Junhyung walked me back home two days ago. The ferris wheel was the last ride we took. I cried in his hug, letting out the depression I was feeling because of Eric's words.
For the first time in my life, I felt like I was unimportant. I was no one for everyone. Maybe I was never loved since the first. I was too full of myself that I couldn't see the truth.
"You're my everything."
Junhyung's words echo in my mind again. Because of those simple words, my tears were overflowing.
He just hugged me tight, not saying a single word until I stopped crying. He wiped my tears with his thumbs, smiling gently to me. When he walked me back home, he never let go of my hand, as if he was afraid that I would disappear.
When we had arrived in front of my house, he kissed my forehead and told me to take a good rest. He watched me until I stepped inside, making sure that I was alright.
Now if I close my eyes, I can feel his warmth engulfing me, erasing the loneliness which binds me. I thought Junhyung is just the hot-tempered and aggresive man... but I was wrong.
However I feel that something is missing.
Something that I don't even understand what it is.
"Rima?"
I turn around and see my father at the door. I quickly stand up and leave the piano, "Ah, Appa. What-"
I stop my steps when I see the person behind him.
She hasn't changed at all. Her hair is longer and she has dyed it brown but she is still beautiful. She wears the white long coat and her lips form into a curve when she sees me.
Why is she here?
"Omma?"
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