13 | The Heartache
My Perfect Stranger
✗ Kim Rima ✗
I heave a sigh, leaning my back against the bench. I am sitting on the bench at the backyard of the apartment building alone.
My eyes wander to the moon while my ears are listening to "Virus", one of BEAST's songs that I put on my playlist. It's Junhyung's rap part now.
The image of Junhyung's face flashes in my mind again. I could feel his breathe on my face because his face was dangerously close to me. He trapped me between his arms while I lost my words.
"You like him..."
His words echo again. I cover my ears with my hands even though I know I'm listening to my iPod right now. I keep mumbling to myself, closing my eyes, "No, you don't... You don't like him. You don't like him. You don't like him."
"Who?" a familiar voice breaks my concentration.
I look up to see Gikwang is tilting his head, having his usual smile on his face. I quickly press the stop button and unplug my earphone, "G-Gikwang..."
"I haven't apologized about yesterday," he sits next to me, making my heart to skip a beat. "Did Junhyung say anything? Because he ignored me since last night. He looks really protective even though you're not his real cousin, you know."
I start to blush again because the image of Junhyung's face appears again. I really thought that he almost kissed me yesterday... which is impossible, right?
"My glasses," I ask Gikwang nervously. "You haven't returned my glasses."
"Not going to return it," he chuckles and pats my head, making my heartbeat to beat out of control. "I prefer to look at you without your glasses, Rima."
Can he just stop being too nice to me?
"Ah, Rima, tomorrow is the engagement party?" Gikwang suddenly opens up a new topic. "Are you going there or..."
Engagement party.
My eyes widen as I realize that I forgot about the engagement party. I stand up and mess my own hair, "The engagement party! How could I forget about it?!"
I bite my bottom lip, trying to remember about where the party will be held according to the news. The party will start on six in the afternoon and the theme is masquerade ball where every guest will wear a mask.
"I think you need to attend the party," Gikwang gives his suggestion. "You need to talk to your father or your life will be really, really awkward."
"I...," I sigh with frustration, "...don't know what to do."
"Well," Gikwang stands up and pinches my cheek playfully, "I'll go with you then."
✗ Lee Gikwang ✗
"What?" Rima sounds as if she misheard what I just said. I chuckle and ruffle her hair, thinking that she looks really cute.
"I'll go with you to the party if you want," I repeat my statement. "I have no schedule tomorrow and it's masquerade ball party, right? Everyone is allowed to the party since it's opened for public."
"But...," she stops and purses her lips when I pull the ribbon she uses to tie her hair into a ponytail.
"No ponytail," I grin and put the ribbon in her hand. "That's our agreement."
She quickly tucks her long hair behind her ear, dropping her gaze and murmurs something I can't hear. I pat her head gently, "Yah, don't hate me."
She glances at me and mumbles, "Why would I hate you?"
"Because I asked too much from you?" I laugh and sit on the bench again. "You really remind me of Sora sometimes. Yoseob is a really lucky guy, isn't he?"
Rima looks at me with confused look. She frowns and asks me a question which surprises me, "Do you like Sora?"
I let out a nervous laughter and look at the night sky, remembering the moments I shared with Sora before she is engaged with Yoseob. Those moments are memorable. Really.
"Once," I murmur, more to myself actually. "It's an old story."
"Oh...," I can hear Rima mumbles but she stays still. "You... like her..."
"Well, you can say so," I look at her with a shy grin. "She is a sweet and adorable girl. Ah, Yoseob will hit me for sure if he finds out about what I just said."
She doesn't reply my words but I can see that she doesn't look really good. She clears awkwardly, "I-I think I'm going back to my room... I need to compose a song..."
Rima walks away even before I can stop her. I was thinking about asking her number so I can contact her easier but looks like she doesn't give me a chance now.
Perhaps I should ask Junhyung,
✗ Yong Junhyung ✗
"Ah, Junhyung," Gikwang calls me when I am checking the song Rima has done for us with my Mac. He just returned from somewhere I don't know, taking a seat next to me. "Can I ask Rima's number?"
I feel the uneasy feeling appears again when Gikwang mentions Rima's name. I stop whatever I'm doing and look at him, trying to wonder why he suddenly asked for her number.
"Why do you even need her number?" I return my gaze to the screen of my Mac, trying to act cool. "You can find her in her room, you know."
"I want to give her a surprise?" Gikwang jokes and leans his back against the sofa. "She is a really shy girl. I find it's quite amusing."
I stop typing and finally dare myself to ask him, "Do you like her?"
Gikwang's smile disappears as he blinks for numerous times, studying my expression. He touches my forehead with the back of his hand, "Yah, are you sick?"
"No, I'm perfectly good," I shove away his hand and sigh. "I'm serious here. She is my cousin so I just want to know if you like my cousin."
He pulls back his hand and rubs his neck, "If you think like that because of what you saw yesterday, it's a big, big misunderstanding. I only think of her like my own little sister."
"Yoseob thought of Sora like that before," the words leave my mouth even without me planning it. Why do I even need to bring Sora in our conversation?
I know the past story between him and Sora. Sora was his girlfriend. Once. But after his endless attempt to make her fall for him, Sora realized that she only loves Yoseob.
A deep and hurtful rejection indeed for Gikwang.
Fortunately Gikwang doesn't look to be bothered because he gives me a sincere smile, "Don't worry. I'm pretty sure she only treats me like her family."
"I'll ask her by myself later then," he stands up and pats my shoulder. "I think I need more sleep. See you later, Junhyung."
He walks to his room and closes the door behind him. I sigh and shut down my Mac, feeling really uncomfortable with my own random thought.
So what if they like each other?
It's not like I have anything to do if it's true.
"Ugh," I groan and mess my own hair, "I really need to finish my job if I want to stop thinking about useless thing."
✗ Kim Rima ✗
"I'm going to your room. Need to finish another song for this week."
I just read Junhyung's message when someone knocks my door. I hesitate for seconds because I don't feel that I can compose any song for now but then again Junhyung knows nothing about it.
After the short conversation I had with Gikwang moments ago, my mood is really bad now. His expression when he complimented about Sora... is really sincere.
Good. I'm jealous. Why do I even need to be jealous?
"You don't look really good," that is the first sentence Junhyung said when I open the door for him. I open the door wider so he can step inside. "Are you alright?"
It's amazing how he can act as if nothing happened between us yesterday. I guess I just need to tag along with how he acts then.
"I'm sorry," Junhyung suddenly speaks when I'm getting ready to play my musical keyboard. "About yesterday."
"It's alright," I mumble and start to let my fingers play some notes. "Let's just forget about it."
He nods randomly and lets me continue my work. However my mind is not working properly because I can't get out Gikwang's image from my mind.
"Junhyung, can I ask you a question?" I abruptly stop playing and turn to look at him while he is reading my music book. "Does Gikwang like Sora?"
He opens his mouth to answer but then closes it again. He his bottom lip and gives me a question, not an answer, "Does it bother you?"
"I-It's just a question," I return to my keyboard and play it again to hide my nervousness. "It's alright if you don't want to answer me."
"So you like Gikwang," Junhyung states and I feel like a fool now; I am the one who told him to forget about it yet I am the one who started off this topic.
I ignore him and try to concentrate playing random notes to create a new song but Junhyung suddenly stops me by holding my left hand with his right hand.
"You like him, don't you?" he repeats with sharp eyes that make me stun. I pull my hand away and stand up, blushing really hard that my heart beats uncontrollably.
"I thought no personal question is allowed," I clench my fists, feeling that something is definitely wrong here.
"Sora is his ex-girlfriend," he suddenly tells me the statement that makes me feel like someone just stabbed me with an imaginary knife on my chest.
Is this what heartache feels like?
✗ Yong Junhyung ✗
She doesn't need to answer my question. It's all written on her face; she definitely has a crush on Gikwang.
I can see hurt on her face when I tell her that Sora is Gikwang ex-girlfriend. Ironically my heart also aches when I see her blank expression, surprised by the information.
There are seconds of awkward silence before I stubbornly ask her once again, "You like Gikwang, don't you?"
She doesn't answer me. She turns her back against me, heading to the kitchen and takes an empty glass. She stops and heaves a sigh, dropping her gaze reluctantly.
I know I'm already crossing the line but I really want to know if it's true. I want to hear it from herself, whether she likes Gikwang or not.
"It's alright if you like-" I haven't even finished my words when she snaps at me impatiently.
"Yes, I like him," Rima answers me and I can see that she is holding back her tears. "I like Gikwang. I like him. Are you happy now?!"
I clench my fists, not knowing what to say to her. I know I'm not good at comforting people but it's not the main reason now...
...because my heart aches real bad right now, right when she has told me that she actually likes Gikwang.
"Let's not talk about it anymore," Rima takes a deep breath and rubs her temple. She leaves the kitchen, heading back to her keyboard. "Maybe we can continue the composing tomorrow. I don't think I can-"
She stops talking because I pull her into a hug. When she walks pass me, I grab her wrist and hug her tight. I bury my face in her hair, inhaling her scent in silence.
No one talks.
I can only hear my own heartbeat and feel she clutches my shirt.
I know this is me, being silly, but I have a feeling that she is going to cry soon and I don't want to see her cry.
By each second passed, I tried to reassure myself that she is only a stranger for me. A friend is the limit but when I knew that she likes Gikwang, I think the limit has been passed by myself.
Her smile when we finished our first song together. Her confident smile when she could make me shut up. Her straight forward attitude when she wanted me to sing rather than rap. Her bright smile when we apologized in the same time.
Everything reappears right before my eyes.
Everything reappears right before my eyes.
"J-Junhyung?" Rima murmurs but I tighten my hug and she shuts again, letting me to feel her in my hug.
"Just...," I close my eyes, "...let me stay like this for a while."
I know this feeling. The feeling which I felt before when Hara broke my heart with rejecting my proposal.
The feeling called heartache.
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