psycho

CamilleVendetta

GRAMMAR AND SPELLING : [18/20]

Overall, I actually did not spot any obvious grammatical errors. However, I did catch a few misspelled words, so do remember to proofread thrice if needed. Overall I think you did a good job on that, just make sure to double/triple check your work. 

Plot : [17/20]

I enjoy your plot a lot, it is quite unique, because many stories tend to be very fluffy and tend to not go into a psychological horror. 

I don't not know a ton about psychology except for what my friends tell me, but I do find an inconsistency with Kai being a psychopath. Psychopaths normally do not have any feelings, but he slightly does have feelings for Taemin from what I’m reading, but you might just be portraying it weirdly. 
Your story is at an extremely slow-pace, but I think it suits the theme of the story. With your type of story you HAVE to build up Kai, explain how he got to where he is, and how every flashforward plays a part into your story. 
I do think you slightly went off path on how Jongin likes to play a game, but I’m just going to assume you probably are going to use the whole involvement in the illegal activities he’s doing to lead up to a bigger game. (spoiler alerts!)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT : [8.5/10]

The development of Jongin is absolutely wonderful. As a reader, you see him grow into the psychopath he is, and you deep into why he is like that. I also like the development of Taemin. The relationship between Jongin and Taemin is wonderful, as Taemin is I think the only one who keeps Kai from completely overtaking Jongin. 

Other notes:
(These comments of course is just my personal opinion, and you do not have to change it if you are satisfied with it. These comments do not affect your score in any way, but they are my tips on how to make your story amazeballs.) 

This is something I’m recommending not just you, but everyone who is a here, is a website that ALL my English teachers have told me to reference if you need help, and it’s an extremely useful site: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/ This website has saved me from making so many gramatcial errors in my sentences and helped me fix my writing a lot. 

OVERALL RATING

Woo!! TaeKai!! Love that ship a ton. 
I will not lie, I was hooked the moment I first read the first chapter. It is amazing, and I would have to say psychological stories are my deep guilty pleasure. I love reading stories where the antagonist is developed well, and in your story Kai is the antagonist to society. 
FINAL SCORE 

18 + 17 + 8.5 = 43.5/50 
87/100

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