Babies’ Day-out With Papa (A Mafia Boss) by BaekYeol_FTW

Review

1 ) Title ( 10 / 10 )
- The title is cute and it reflected the story so much. When the readers read the story’s title and its characters, they can automatically mentally picture what the story would be like. In my case, I read the title and automatically imagine that the story would be fluffy and adorable. Well, turn out it is true. Nice choice, well done!

2 ) Description and Foreword ( 10 / 10 )
- The prologue that you insert in the description is good. It picturing the story very well. It also gives the readers a little hint, what the characters in this story would be like. The cute twins, a sassy mama Baek and a sweet papa Yeol. In addition, I really like these sentences in the prologue. “In fact, he wouldn’t cause his other master, Baekhyun, was the first to remind him before his husband. You got it Mr.Lee? Always let the kids come in this room. No. Matter. What. Chanyeol. Says. The stresses of the words still haunted him till now. There was no outspokening the magenta haired-master. ” This sentences give me chills as I picturing how sassy Baekhyun would be in this story and it makes me think. Wow, I really need to read this story. However, I did notice a couple of mistake that I think can be correct. It’s okay.

3 ) Plot ( 17 / 20 )
- I like your idea especially the Polaroid with the caption. It is genius and this is the first time I found a story with a plot like this. It will encourage readers to continue reading this story. Personally, I found the twin’s moment with their papa was really adorable. It gives me toothache because of the overload cuteness. In addition, the plot is interesting since we lack of parental stories, with the leads being parents that were occupied with works but still shower their children with love. We often found stories which the parents too busy with their works and abandoned their children and that child becomes rebellious. So, I would like to say congratulations for your intelligence idea and the plot is well written. Good job! *wink*

4 ) Character Development ( 11 / 15 )
- Sehun and Jongin are the little bundles of joy in this story. The developments of their characters are good. I love the way they act around their papa. It shows that they really love their papa. It is so cute and makes me smile dumbly. And in Chapter 3, a sulking Jongin pained my heart so much. In the meantime, Chanyeol is a brutal mafia boss that is not afraid to anyone and a stern leader that makes all his subordinates respect him. I must give you a big applause for Chanyeol’s character. He automatically becomes a puddle of sweetness when interacting with his lover and sons. I want to confess that I will become crazy within one day if I become Baekhyun’s spouse in this story. But not for Chanyeol and it is so sweet. Last but not least, Baekhyun is the sassy mama and if I not mistaken, he is an ex-spy in this story. It explains so much the development of his character. I really love his sweet threats to his husband. I think you characterised every characters very well. Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Sehun and Jongin personalities were well described. But I am sad with one thing. I notice that Chanyeol converse more with Sehun than Jongin in this story. As example, I see that Jongin always fall asleep early than Sehun and in that time, Chanyeol end up talking with Sehun only. As we all know, in reality world, Jongin is a sleepy person. He can sleep anywhere. So no wonder in this story, he is like that. But I know you are an amazing writer, so I would like to see more Papa Chanyeol and Jongin moments.

5 ) Grammar, Spelling and Sentence Structures ( 12 / 15 )
- To be honest, I found almost no grammar and spelling errors. And the sentence structures are good. You use a lot of complex sentences but still can be understand easily even for readers who is not a native English speaker. Just like me. However, there are two important things I would like to point out. The twins are babies right? But the way they talk are like adults and some words are not suitable with the text or the situation. Another thing are, sometimes you used incorrect words based on the tense. Present tense, past tense and others tense. You should decide first whether you want to use present tense or past tense before writing. And you need to know the exact meaning of a word before you choose to use it. It may cause some readers confuse with the story. 

6 ) Flow of the Story ( 10 / 10 )
- The flow of the story is good. From the start, I can easily understand the message you try to send to the readers. If you ask a group of people, they will say that there is nothing about this story that they can’t understand. A big applause for you! *clap my hands*

7 ) Writing Style ( 8 / 10 )
- Your writing style is nice and easy to understand. There is nothing complicated about this story. But I need to say one thing. I notice that there are few scenes that I think doesn’t need too much expose. What I mean is, there are scenes that don’t need to drag on when they shouldn’t have. It may cause the readers to lose their interest. I think you need to wrap up the scenes quickly if it isn’t important. 

8 ) Overall Enjoyment ( 9 / 10 )
- I want to say that I really enjoy this story. This story consists of full sweetness and adorable moments. I really love the way you visualize the family’s characters. I am now a loyal fan of this story. Keeps updating author-nim. 

9 ) Final Score ( 87 / 100 )
- Hi BaekYeol_FTW. *wave both hands* Thank you for sharing this interesting story with me and a lot of thank you for requesting me. I hope you can accept my opinion openly and keep up your genius work. I wish you the best of luck for this story *sings Chen’s Best Luck* Bye!

- Reviewer's note : Please update your story soon because I have deeply fall in love with the story and you really deserve the upvotes and subscribers. :")