Beyond The Horizon Light

Author: aihara_namika

Reviewer: Yeoniebb42

› Title [ 9.5/10 ]

I simply adore the title. I haven’t seen anything quite like it before – it’s unique, gives off a mystical vibe and is certainly attention grabbing. ♥ My only question is how it relates to the story. O_o

› Description and Foreword [ 10.5/10 ]

Beautiful. Absolutely stunning. In all my time here on AFF, I have never seen a foreword of such exquisite beauty and I would give you a 100 out of 10 if I could, to be honest but I’ll settle with giving you a little more than 10 even though that’s not mathematically possible~ But seriously, the first glimpse I caught of the foreword made my heart skip a beat; it was a breath of fresh air! In addition to how neat and well-organised the layout is, the description was also rather intriguing and made me quite curious as to what would happen next. Well done!

› Plot [ 12/15 ]

It’s always nice to have an air of mystery in a plot, isn’t it? ^^ However, for the first few chapters, I didn’t really know what was going on so I felt a bit bored until Jongdae and some minor characters began doing suspicious things. I just felt like the build-up to the mystery took too long and even after the readers start questioning Nami’s true background, there are still some scenes throughout the story that are a bit unnecessary and tend to drag on a bit. I know that Nami is the main character but try to focus on some of the supporting characters too and maybe even throw in some minor storylines to keep the readers interested! You have a somewhat unique plot here and I believe that there’s always room for improvement! :D

› Character Development [ 8/10 ]

I liked the way each character was presented because you allowed us to get to know them through their actions and the way others perceived them. The only thing that bothered me is that Nami is so mean without any good reason which doesn’t really match the way her personality has been shown to us. :c And another thing, there are so many characters but some of them weren’t introduced to us properly which is confusing to us readers. Who is this person? What is his or her relation to the main characters? Is he or she relevant to the plot? I hope that at some point, all of these questions will be answered for each character. :3

› Writing Style [ 10/20 ]

Your style of writing was a bit plain but it was satisfactory. You did provide details in your description every now and then which helped me mentally picture the scenes so I had a cute little manga playing in my mind. >3< What I think would improve the chapters would be if you tried to provide thoroughly detailed descriptions in as much of the scenes as you can. It could be anything from Jongdae’s facial features whenever he expresses himself or the colour of the sky as Nami walks around. We aren’t able to see the exact vision you have of this story so it’s up to you to convey as much of your bright imagination to us as possible. Good luck!

› Spelling, Grammar and Diction [ 15/25 ]

I don’t recall any mistakes in terms of spelling or punctuation which is good but I did notice that your grammar itself needs a lot of work. You often used the wrong tense for the situation and some of the words you used were incorrect with the surrounding context so I often had trouble understanding what exactly was going on or being said. However, I think you can solve this problem by getting a beta reader and practicing by writing a lot. ^^

› Personal Enjoyment [ 5/10 ]

› Final Score [ 70/100 ]

Thank you for sharing this story with me! I believe that you show some potential and I wish you the best of luck with your writing~

Please, do not forget to credit us (with our banner, if possible) pn the foreword of your story. Thank you and do request from us again! ^^