“Filling the Gap”

I like the title, it’s simplistic and draws people in :)

Description and Forward/Graphics- 4/5

Description: I like the style of your description, although it’s a little awkward and some word choices makes the rhythm of your description a little choppy. My advice is to read your writings out loud, and see if it flows, or not.

"During their almost two years of military services, Donghae and Hyukjae met many times, under various circumstances, with or without people around them. But their first meet in that cold December evening was the one Donghae can never let go of- not from his memories, not from his heart. “

So a better way to put this might be:

During their two years of military service, Donghae and Hyukjae met many times, under various circumstances. They’ve met in the hustle and bustle with the heat of a scorching July, they’ve met in the cold loneliness of the latest January blizzard. But their first meeting in that cold December evening, somewhere in the clove of seasons, was the one Donghae could never let go of— not from his memories, nor from his heart.

Graphics: I quite like the poster hahaha XD

Conclusion: I liked the layout of everything, and your front pages seems pretty solid, so good job, and it is quite aesthetically pleasing :)

Characterisation: 17/20

Handled really well. I like their quiet relationship and the way everything goes so smoothly.

Plot- 22/25

The plot is very simple but sincere, so I’m going to give pretty high for this one. I think you handled the oneshot marvellously, it’s not at fanfic-classic level, but I do feel the emotions as I go through the text:)

Flow- 10/15

I feel that the flow is great, but then again, this is a oneshot. A way to improve it might be to give it a little bit more backstory, a little bit more on the environment and the description. Using a very famous tumblr way of describing it— remember the joke about how the author writes, ‘the curtains are grey’? The author may mean that the curtains are legitimately grey, but we, as readers, might find that it gives the setting a melancholic air. I feel like your story is basically centred on the characters, so some description of the kind of surroundings they were in might help to convey more feelings to the reader.

Grammar: 10/15

No jarring mistakes. Overall, some phrasings were slightly strange to read so I would advice you on reading more and honing your writing style into something more intricate and familiarise yourself with the language:)

Writing Style (originality/author's voice)- 10/15

You do have a unique writing style. Just that maybe you can improve a bit more and make it boom:)

AsianFanfics

“Filling the Gap”

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