afflicted

vigour

Title – 3/5

First and foremost, I don’t really see where the title is related to your story. When I read the description, it seems like the title was like a short summary of the characters all in one word: afflicted. However, when I look up to the meaning of the title, it is defined as a problem or an illness, one that can cause suffering, to affect or to trouble, and they usually refers to people who is mentally or physically unfit which doesn’t really makes sense since your characters are perfect in both. Unless you were trying to tell that their relationship here is a problem or something that will cause suffering to the two of them since the word afflicted itself can be expressed in many ways, then I guess we’re good.

Next, I don’t think that the title is cliché or common since one word title are not really hard to find but are rare to be seen because we all know how hard it is to find the most suitable title for a story. I don’t have the vibe of the title being an attractive one, but it is worth to feel like I need to read it at the first glance. Furthermore, the title is quite appealing to the readers. But I’d like to kudos you here because yes, the title is very much suited for an angst story.

Description / Foreword – 6/10

Since your story doesn’t have a foreword, then I will have the marks for the description part only. When I first read the description, I wouldn’t even think that it would be angst, but rather another romance story with an addition of fluff here and there, the common. But, turn out it isn’t what I was thinking it would be. Angst is a feeling of deep anxiety or dread, typically an unfocused one about the human condition or the state of the world in general as I’ve looked up into the meaning and angst stories usually include tragic past or dreadful childhood, bad experience in relationships (either it’s with a lover, a friend, or a family, or anyone in general) or an incident that could haunt or bring someone down. I don’t find any of the hints in the description, unfortunately.

The description doesn’t reveal too much and I like how you managed to make it filled with mystery, making the readers curious of what the story is offering with the spices of thrill, like a very brief trailer, so that it could stand out in its own way.

Plot(s) – 24/30

Truth be said, I see that you have created a solid, steady and good storyline which isn’t lacking in originality though there are a few bartenders centred stories out there in this site, but a female bartender? That’s certainly new, at least to me. It isn’t the typical weak girl who will fall for the powerful male lead, but a strong headed one which is my favourite because finally someone realize that not only guys can be the dominating one here, but also the girls.

The story is made believable, for you write the scenes very carefully, and it certainly is interesting of how you can make a female bartender comes to life, with the skill and the ingredients being mixed to create a special feeling, making the plots even stronger. Unique is a yes because we all have to admit it that we don’t and rarely see any stories featuring a female assigned to the job. The plots are also organized so it doesn’t confuse anyone that’s reading it.

However, in all fairness, there are some parts where they don’t really get into my head and seems to be pretty unrealistic. For an example, I don’t really think how it makes sense that two person can be that close in a few hours. Yes, secrets are limited but the relationship is going a bit too fast here. Believe me; you don’t really get to stay in someone’s house after meeting them in a short span of time, even if it’s in a case of emergency. This is probably understandable seeing of how Jina’s personality is (she’s a bizarre person in a good way) based on the chapters written, but I don’t even sense hesitation or doubts. This kind of case normally ends up with a one night stand which once again, went out of my expectation because I personally think she would’ve find another way to help in the third chapter but she just willingly offer for Baekhyun to come over to her place. People’s mind work differently, and I don’t know if it’s really acceptable but I am quite bothered by it.

The story does develop in each chapters though considering how they doesn’t stay at the same stage for half the time and other than that, I think the rest is all right. The settings don’t have any problem to my eyes for now, and I supposed it could’ve been much more improvised in making the story a real angst one, but since the story only has six chapters so far, I’ll leave it at this.

Grammar / Spelling – 27/30

Everything is almost flawless. The grammar isn’t displeasing, and I really don’t see any kind of spelling mistakes since I read the whole story prudently. For most of the times, your grammar usage is very appropriate and some of the errors should be caused of carelessness and your vocabulary certainly is very wide in range. You explained every detail and that should be obvious for the long paragraphs, and I like how you can use various types of words to express something or to show actions.

Characterization – 9.5/15

I don’t know much of the characters but I think you’ve succeeded in bringing the characters to life and making it very much believable. I especially love it that your main female character isn’t the typical ‘I am poor but pretty, so I’ll marry a man that would make me happy and he must be perfect in every aspect’ kind of person, and how Baekhyun still have his flaws unlike any other character that basically has everything that someone could ever wanted. I’m anticipating of how you’ll reveal Jina’s life story and though it still hasn’t come to my liking that she was being too unaware that Baekhyun is a man and still invite him to come over to her place, I can say that you’ve did a great job on this section and I won’t be saying anything about the characters’ development since the story is still in an early stage but I’m sure it will be visible once there are more chapters to read.

Flow – 2/5

Everything seems to be almost at the right place but the flow of your story is going a bit too slow in the beginning since we have the same one day for over three chapters if I am not mistaken, but the progress in Jina’s and Baekhyun’s relationship is escalating too quick which makes it too good to be true. It’s like they’re going all out, not even wasting a single second for the stages in their connection to immediately develop in such a short amount of time given, also being a contrary of how the story is going in a rather sluggish speed. My suggestion is for you to lower the pace in between the two of them or else, I think it’ll make things even more unreal.

Enjoyment – 4/5

It’s a good story, so it should be well enjoyed. I don’t know why your story doesn’t really have that much number of subscribers, but now that you’ve make it a subscriber-only, I think you’ll gain even more recognition in addition to your hard effort in writing. It’s a story worth reading, so I hope you’ll continue writing and gets successful with the story.

Final Score – 75.5/100

Reviewer’s Note: Thank you for choosing me as your reviewer and I hope the review is up to your heart content. I’m pretty sure you’ve known of how cruel I am, but still request from me so I’m really grateful for that. I apologize for any kind of unintended offense or if I did any mistakes, I’m only a normal perfectly imperfect human, and hope to see you requesting from us again!

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