8 years later

All_Time_Music

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Cover: [1/1]

The title is representative of the main idea; couple it with the tags and it’s the perfect click bait. Your poster is really nice but for some reason intimidating. But maybe it’s just because of Kris. Haha. The story description is appealing to your target demographic. 

Grammar and vocabulary [0/1] 

You need to work on this if you plan to write more. Grammatical mistakes were present here and there, and vocabulary was occasionally tangential/not appropriate to the idea you want to convey. You also made lots of run-ons and fragments, and you went from chapters with 2-3 lines in a paragraph to ones with huge chunks of text. 
This is understandable if (and since) you’re not a native English speaker; but since you’re writing in English, it’s something you should have considered in the first place. Think of it as a way of showing respect for the language’s rules. 
My suggestions: Get a beta reader, read more (actual books that have gone through complete processes of proof-reading and editing), and/or study up on grammar.

Plot [1/2]

The overall idea of the plot is very interesting! As a fan of EXO (who seem to be the target demographic for this fic), I was quite eager to read the rest of the story as it went on; but it seemed to progress into a story about Sehun’s family than EXO’s reunion. Also, the second part of the epilogue (last chapter that was not special) being in Jaehee’s POV seemed out of place. I know you wanted to add something that fans could relate to in the story; but the fact that all throughout the previous chapters you either used the third person POV or Sehun’s POV but ended the [main] story with Jaehee’s POV made it seem forced. Otherwise, the story, which was quite short in itself (excluding the special chapters), was paced well and was almost always quite realistic.

 
Characters [0.5/1]

The members were in-character most of the time; but maybe because you were focused on Sehun’s character, you were not able to allow the other members’ characters to develop. That is despite the fact that they were supposed to play major roles in the story. Case in point, it was quite unbelievable that none of the other EXO members had families of their own. This is something readers would assume even if you didn’t state this in your story because: how else could they have babysat Jaehun without worrying about/bringing over their own kids? On the other hand, I thought that Jaehun’s character was written nicely. He wasn’t the perfect child yet he was adorable enough. 

To end this, I would like to say that this was a nice feel-good story with a very good theme! I was happy that I read it, despite all the criticisms I made, and I hope I helped you some way or another by doing this review.

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