A more advanced form of teasing

MirreRover

Title - 3/5

The title is a bit lengthy but that wouldn’t be a problem thought I personally think that there’s nothing special about it, seeing how it feels kind of empty, lacking in the sensual and fields, for the story is rated. I expected a more daring or provocative one, but I’m not suggesting any changes since it is well suited and fits the story but still, if I put deeper thoughts to it, I wouldn’t even thought that the story will contains adult theme at first glance but what’s important here is how the title is related to the story so no worries about that here. It has good points in originality and I can assure you that it’s certainly not even close of being a cliché title.

 
Description / Foreword - 7/10

As always, let’s start with the description first. The only thing that I am not satisfied with it is that it couldn’t give me a vibe of feeling to know more about the story. The description is where readers will either go ‘I can’t wait to read the first page/chapter!’ being in a situation where curiosity kills the cat or ‘So that’s it?’ and you’ll get a poker face instead of an anticipating one. I’ll be honest here, I see the great potentials in you as a talented writer, and my first impression of the story is definitely a positive one but in between these lines;
…He soon discovers Kai has moved on to a new form of teasing and Sehun is still his favourite victim. Dare Sehun say he might even like it?

It feels like something is missing because you see, the elements of mystery being put off to attract readers aren’t enough and it’s quite unfortunate because I do believe your story should be featured by now. The rating of your story seems high enough considering the number of up votes. And nope, I am not going to discuss about the numbers of subscribers here since the story is subscribers-only and as I’ve mentioned before, rated stories though not as well-known as others are still gaining more attention because people are into the bed scenes, if you get what I mean.

It’s like the story doesn’t have enough teasing in contrary to the story’s title. Well, that’s what I could say for the description and surely the first chapter would say the opposite.

Moving on to the foreword, I think they are alright since its normal to find the author’s note there and the credits, etc. And I also noticed how you requested for reviews and the number is quite a lot but that’s only random for what I’m trying to point out is how I think you putting the excerpt is a good thing because to let readers be introduced even only briefly about the story is a well done effort plus the last line, ‘His name was Kim Jongin, otherwise known as -on-legs.’ is a cool ending.

 
Plot(s) - 25/30

I liked the idea of how you put in your own experience of being in college into the story, making the story alive and obtaining better marks in originality. Nowadays, we could read a lot of bullying stories where the lead is the bully and the other lead would be the victim, not a very new concept since the ending will always or usually be where they would fall in love with each other. But I must say that your story is a fresh one even with the same concept, standing out in a brighter way.

The settings, though, since this is a story with Korean idols, I expect it to be somewhere we don’t know yet still exist in the country itself, but somehow it doesn’t seems to be that way with yours. It’s like they’re studying in a different country, where is what in everyone else’s mind, that kind of feeling. You might want to make it more realistic next time though because I find it a bit off when the seemingly famous café where you make it always busy to be empty after the exam and unless all college’s student throw wild party and none will be hanging out in cafés or some other places only we know, then it doesn’t really make sense. That thought occurs to me but of course everyone would be thinking differently.

And I don’t really expect Kai to be bullying Sehun right after they meet again since people grow up and we can expect something to change so he could probably be maturing, but for Sehun waiting for Kai in chapter two if I am not mistaken is out of it because trust me, no matter how strong you’ve become, the effects of being a victim would still be there. But here, the conversation is more like it’s happening in between a guy and his next door neighbour which happens to be a jerk. It’s too casual at times.

There are over forty chapters to be talked about, so I’ll just make it short here. Unless stated otherwise, I think it wouldn’t be a problem for readers to think that Sehun has a crush on his bully, even before he got bullied maybe, for all the ual attractions are really strong. And as for Kai, I didn’t think that as someone who used to be a bully, he would turn to being someone so dirty minded and try to go for Sehun after all that times are really absurd but as I went through the story, it’s very impossible not to believe in their love journey since you managed to make it realistic, and you did a great work in elaborating the plots.

In terms of being cliché, I’d say no to it because the story to me could be considered as ‘one of a kind’ for the way you write is impressive. Overall, the plots are clear and steady and you deserve an A for the bed scenes, I believe you are really natural in writing .

Grammar / Spelling - 27 /30

To think that you’re not a native speaker of English would be insane, because I truly thought of English being your first language, hence the great usage of grammar. There are not many same repetitive words which clearly show how wide your range of vocabulary is and I especially love it when you stress out some words by making it into bold or italic, giving deeper feeling to the sentence itself. As for the spelling, it’s rather flawless. Going through the chapters, I hardly find any spelling mistakes and I think that’s about it for this section.

 
Characterization – 13.5/15
 

Except for the part where I think that it’s quite bizarre about Sehun and Kai as said in the plot(s) section, I’d say you succeed in making the characters alive and real, the way they grow and develop in every chapter, showing how it is of and ups and downs in someone’s life. Plus, the side characters make it even way better. And I really want to tell you that I think Baekhyun’s and Luna’s personalities have been made of a real great character alongside the mains. Most author focus too much to the leads, leaving out the minor characters to be a great mess, but to concentrate on building both personalities aren’t an easy job either so I can clearly see how hard you’ve worked for it.

 
Flow - 4/5
 

The story is moving in a right pace, sometimes slow yet still satisfying so readers wouldn’t have to wait so long or read so fast. And really, I think it’s only normal for the kiss to not happen too quickly, so about four chapters before it would take for a single kiss to happen is a good decision.

 
Enjoyment - 5/5
 

This is the first SeKai story that I actually enjoyed since I am a big fan of HunHan and will only ship the mainstream couples, but yours was too great to be ignored. I enjoyed the way you write, and the story itself is a gem hidden between plain rocks, shining in its own way. I can say the same to all of your readers, for how you affect and move the readers with the story is simply amazing. This story could even make its way to my Must Read Fictions.

 
Final Score – 84.5
 

Reviewer’s Note(s): Look at that score. It’s rare of me to give out high scores and well, since you deserve it, you should have it. I truly and really do enjoy the story and yes, I read all forty seven chapters, so thank you for writing it and for letting me having the honour to review it. I don’t like giving out compliments, but I wasn’t lying when I say that it was a good read. Anyway, thank you for requesting, for waiting patiently for me to finish this review and I’m sorry if I hurt you or offend you in any ways, I don’t intend to but of course, as a human, I make mistakes. I hope this review helped you in any kind of manners and I hope to see you in this shop again and if you have any inquiry about the review, you can just directly message me, alright? Once again, thanks for everything and I’d be glad to help again if you ever need any reviews.

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