Who Are You?     

 

 

              == REVIEW  ==            

 

Reviewer: Pikakaehimesama 

 

 

 

 

AUTHOR : mcxminnie 

 

 

 

GRAMMAR AND SPELLING : [17/20]

• Okay, i’m going to point this out but in Chapter 4, when Kai and Kyungsoo have oral , you state, “Kyungsoo gasped when he felt a finger at his opening” ,scientifically this is not correct, unless you meant that Kai shoved his finger up Kyungsoo’s . Or is Kyungsoo suddenly a female where Kai is shoving up his finger up Kyungoo’s now ?  

 

• You also need to watch out for your description of characters in your story. In these beginning development of your story, your descriptions are extremely vague with each character introduction. It’s a good concept, but you’re introducing so many different characters, it’s getting jumbled up in between. As a reader, you are introducing so many characters with a vague description of who they are, it’s hard for some readers (from personal experience) to keep up with a style like this. 

 

• Overall, I did not notice spelling/grammatical errors in your story, which is an extremely good thing. Kudos to you~! 

 

 

 

 

 

Plot : [16/20]

 

• Your plot so far is extremely elaborate, but you’re a point where it can go two ways. One way is where your different plot lines between: Kai & Kyungsoo, Jongin & Sehun, Kai & his underground business, Kris & and business with “Black Pear" will flow nicely together to create a wonderful storyline. OR it can go into a path where you are going to be forgetting about different plots, and some characters are going to be dropped, and there are going to be too many plot holes in your story. Creating a story with an intricate plot like this is a wonderful idea, but you must not forget about small details otherwise things will NOT make sense in the end. As of right now though, because as a reader we are still in the dark about a lot of things, I can only give you a score of 16 out of 20. I feel as the story develops further the score could possible increase to full marks, but as of right now, since I’m the dark with the plot, and confused as a reader, I will stick with my score of 16 out of 20. 

 

 

 

 

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT : [8/10]

 

• I like that twist on how Kai & Jongin are twins instead of Kai/Jongin having something like DiD. There has not been that much character developments for your characters because your story is in it’s early stages of development. I’m also foreshadowing that there will be amazing development between Jongin and Sehun. Personally, I’m excited for that.

 

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Other notes

(These comments of course is just my personal opinion, and you do not have to change it if you are satisfied with it. These comments do not affect your score in any way, but they are my tips on how to make your story amazeballs.) 

 

• Your graphics are good, and the enhance your story’s vibe. Your dark and mysterious poster is nice. I would suggest changing the style of the background.The “Who Are You?” does not flow well with the graphics. The words look more like something you would see in a story involving jail.

•  Your Forward/Description matches well for this type of story. I can see used the typical mystery style of Description/Forward which is good, because it also helps sets the mood for the fanfic.

• Take this as a heads up. There is another fanfiction on AFF called, “Who Are You?” it was a featured fanfiction and your stories are running along similar plots with the whole "mysterious Kai/Jongin" story. Just be extremely careful, because I’m not saying the author would, but they might call you out on Plagiarism so you might want to rethink the title. 

• If you want, I can do a follow-up review once your story finishes. It's hard to review a story that's in the beginning stages, so this will be something that will be free. Just let me know if you want to go through with that. 

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OVERALL Rating :

 

• To sum it up, your story is good for now. It’s in the beginning/developmental stages of the story so it’s extremely hard to determine how well your story is. For now, it’s good, and if you keep up the good work, you can have an amazing KaiSoo fanfic! 

 

 

 

 

FINAL SCORE :         41/50

 

 

 

 

 

 

REMINDER:

 

Do not forget to credit the shop!

Please do put up this banner or if not, please do put a link
on your description :)
 

Thank you!

 

http://i.imgur.com/E4HXhPP.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you and good luck on your journey as you write your story~!

 

<3~ pikakaehimesama