growing pains

Miechan

GRAMMAR AND SPELLING : [18/20]

“[t]hen pulled out a familiar purple can. Pain-spray.” (Chp. 2) I would insert a dash between can and pain-spray. So it would be, “then pulled out a familiar purple can - pain-spray.” Knowing when to use a dash is a tad bit more advance, so for more information about dashes and when to use them: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/3/7/98/

“[I]t has long since become dark outside.[...]” (Chp. 6) I would reword this sentence, it sounds awkward. 

Overall, I actually did not spot any obvious grammatical errors except for the couple I listed above, so props to you. However, I did catch a few misspelled words, so do remember to proofread thrice if needed. Overall I think you did a good job on that, just make sure to double/triple check your work. Double/Triple checking is also a good habit to get into, especially when you get further into your schooling career. 

Plot : [16/20]

Your plot is simple, but it’s not bad at all. You take the simple plot of, “two people who hate each other eventually fall in love” and mold it to make your own story. It does fit the prompt that you were given (or chosen I don’t know how that contest works), which is good. 

I do think you could have explained Sandra & G-Dragon’s relationship a bit better in the beginning. The first couple of chapters have nothing to do with how their relationship is, it just shows how injured G-Dragon got for being reckless. 

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT : [8.5/10]

This is just a minor error, but make sure for characters like Taeyang to stick with either his stage name or regular name. In chapter 2 you were switching between Taeyang and Youngbae, his original name. 

I like how you brought the biggest fanboy of G-Dragon into your story. You used Kwanghee as a comic relief which was good, because some stories do need that one comic relief character. 

Other notes:
(These comments of course is just my personal opinion, and you do not have to change it if you are satisfied with it. These comments do not affect your score in any way, but they are my tips on how to make your story amazeballs.) 

This is something I’m recommending not just you, but everyone who is a here, is a website that ALL my English teachers have told me to reference if you need help, and it’s an extremely useful site: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/ This website has saved me from making so many gramatcial errors in my sentences and helped me fix my writing a lot.

This is just my personal preference, plus it looks a bit better, but try to stay away from Konglish terms like: oppa, unnie, hyung etc. It’s cool and all you know all these words but it looks weird in stories sometimes. 

Try to keep the formatting the same for all the chapters. So use the same font and size of the font for every chapter. It just helps with the whole visual part of the story, but I do not let that affect your score. 

OVERALL Rating :

Your story is an extremely refreshing love story. I have never shipped G-Dragon & Dara together, but reading your story, they seem like such a cute ship :)

I honestly thought the story was going to involve SJ because of the title “Growing Pains” and that is one of Super Junior’s D&E title songs, so to see it was about YG artists was a refreshing surprise. 

I think your story is well written considering you wrote it in about 7 hours, however I think you could have put more development into the plot if you took a bit longer. I do think you have a bit more time before the contest ends, so you might want to consider that.

Also good luck on your contest :) hopefully you can win!

 FINAL SCORE: 
18 + 16 + 8.5 = 42.5/50
85/100

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