FEARLESS VOYAGE - BusyBaozi

 WRITING - I'm not sure if this is the author's first language or not, but exhibited a good sense of what needed to be conveyed; there are several places where words are either misspelled or a wrong word has been entered but I think a good, thorough re-read would improve it greatly.

 I need to state that I am not a Seventeen fan and Woozi is literally the only member I recognize by sight - if only because he resembles Yoongi/Suga so much. Anyway, since the author so generously stated that she didn't have much knowledge of the Seventeen either, I felt that I was in an adequate place to review this story.

 As far as the plot goes, the story was quite well mapped out. From the start to the end, there was no place where it felt that the story was lagging or going off on a tangent; it kept to the story line and moved at an adequate pace that was enough to keep me engaged in the story.

I liked the premise, the idea of being able to see other people's dates of death. Sad and disturbing at the same time, made more so by the reaction of the people around them. I don't know who Seokmin is but I was really, really sad about his death and honestly, he has my sympathy. I hope he's fine and healthy wherever he is because that was one cruel twist of fate. And what made it more tragic was... well, the fact that Hoshi is still just a child. And for a child to have THAT kind of responsibilty on his head? I mean, being able to see that his friend is fated to die that day... and faced with the decision to help him or not? I wouldn't wish that kind of choice on a grown man, let alone a child. I am assuming, from the story, that he had always been able to see people's dates of death but he only came out after Seokmin's death? I dunno, that's how it came across to me. Anyway, his mother's reaction was obvivously undesirable and it was quite upsetting. I will say this for the author - you set up quite the back-story to create the angsty-hero here and I, being the er for angst and tragic back-stories that I am, am very appreciative of the fact.

 As for Woozi... this is my second SEVENTEEN story and in both stories, his character has been quite... well, let's just say he suffered a lot, which makes me sad because Woozi is one cute kid, okay? I think he deserves to be happy. Anyway, I quite enjoyed how he was introduced - his voice is indeed beautiful and even though he had such a grave condition, I was glad that Hoshi got to hear it.

I really admire how his condition is described - Odine's curse - it is well explained and expounded on without getting into the technicalities of the disease; and more than that, I appreciate the fact that it wasn't some mysterious, unnamed disease that ate him up; clarity is always good and I'm glad the author explored enough of the disease to help the reader understand his condition. What I like even more, though, is that even with all the handicap, Woozi is much more than just his disease.

 I think that it was an interesting play - how they both perceived themselves to be different and a bad sort of different at that and how they led each other to accept themselves. That, in my opinion, was the most important lesson of the story and using Woozi and Hoshi, who're essentially children, to convey that point makes it all the more poignant. The adults around them are ones who cannot look beyond the differences to see the children who lie underneath. I think the saying 'It takes one to know one' really conveys it here - they're both so different from 'normal' people and that enables them to accept each other and by providing that unconditional acceptance, inculcating a sense of worth in the other.

And it saddens me that after building it like this, creating such a sweet relation between the couple, the author went and offed them (Spoiler, oops?) But honestly, I can't complain since it was sort of hinted at since the start. Woozi's condition was terrible enough that his survival was difficult and Hoshi... well, Hoshi was also suffering and he KNEW... he completely KNEW he was going to die. It was conveyed subtly but it was clear and really, the entire story is a race towards the inevitable. I was really sad because they'd both found someone worth living for but fate had other plans for them.

 Essentially, both the main characters are victims of something they have no control over and they are being swept away against their will. They put up an admirable fight but it was futile, fated for failure from the start. I think that there is a bigger message here, if we look beyond the story - the futility of man struggling against fate - but the fact that they are children just makes it all the more sad.

 I really appreciated the song the author had inculcated in the story - the lyrics were beautiful, as was the melody and I liked how the motif was weaved into the story. The idea of being someone's kite was beautiful and I would like to read something along those lines again... just maybe not something this angsty/tragic.

Anyway, the only real criticism I have for this story is the number of misspellings and misuse of certain words - 'scare' instead of 'scar', for instance. Since this is a submission for a competition, I really think that it would be a good idea to re-read the story and correct the spelling mistakes and have the story beta-ed as well. It is pretty clear what you are trying to say but the written words are wrong, so it changes the meaning, breaks the flow and in a competition, that is going to go against you.

 So overall, it is a good story, worth a read but really, have it beta-ed and rechecked for spelling and grammar so that these basics don't detract the reader from appreciating your idea. Other than that, good work :)