Title: The Last Day

Reviewer: XOEXOSupFanFan

First Impression: To be honest, I wasn't that interested when I read the description and the first thought that popped in my mind was, "she has grammar errors." English isn't considered my first language, since I started learning it at 5, but I do know some stuff :P I'll try my best to help you and point out some grammatic errors that I see. 

Title: Your title is very simple, but it has this intriguing effect to it, so I was drawn to the story when I read your request. 

Description and Forward: Your description and forward is quite cliche, which isn't bad all the time. A little back track to cliche stories are good sometimes :) I understood what you were trying to say, however, it is written a bit awkwardly. I will get to that in the grammar section.

Plot/Originality: The plot is something that is used often, "nice guy falls in love with a sick girl and she ends up dying." So it is one of those tragedy love stories, but the ghost and reincarnation concept is definitely not cliche. You had your own little twist following up to the story which is good :)

Flow: To be honest, I felt like many things happened too fast? Maybe your concept of the story was to show the process of Baekhyun and Ari, but in order to do that without it feeling rushed you need to make it more obvious. Like instead of saying Jae Min lost weight in a short perio of time, you could have said something like, "As my relationship with Baekhyun progressed over these past months, Jae Min had slimmed down to the perfect size." It doesn't have to be exactly like that sentence, just an example :)

Grammar: You have a lot of improving to do when it comes to grammar. This isn't something to be upset about though, because a lot of people have a hard time with English, even Americans themselves :P Let's sart off with your description shall we?

Orginal

Ever since you were young, you suffered from an unusual disease. Your family doctor have been trying to help you find a medicine that will help you to live longer and healthier. When you were 5 , your family doctor found the medicine and you have been taking that medicine since then.

On the very day you turned 8 ,your parents met with a terrible car accident and died due to the lost of blood , your family doctor decided to take you into his family and raised you as if it were own child.

You are 18 years old this year and you were told that you are going to transfer into a new high school. What will happen after you meet a handsome guy name Baekhyun and his 11 good friends in your new school??

Fixed

Ever since you were young, you suffered from an unusual disease. Your family doctor had been trying to help  find a medicine that would help you live a longer and healthier life. When you were 5, the doctor finally found the medicine and you have been taking it ever since then.

On the very day you turned 8, your parents got into a terrible car accident and died due to loss of bl