Title : The Golden Eyes

Reviewer : Hyeong
 

First impression: It's been a while since I've read a fantasy-type of story, so I'm really excited when your fanfic was the fanfic I was going to review. I'm a er for fantasy stuff (as well as sci-fi). 

Story title: Simple. Not too long, just the way I like it. I guess you could omit 'the', but it works with the story either way. 

Graphics: Again, the graphics are A+. I don't know where you guys get these graphic artists but I would want them to teach me how to photoshop. 

Description and foreword: Although you have some grammar mistakes here and there (I'll get to that shortly), I must say that you definitely have this skill where you describe things and make the readers imagine it. This is what I like about fantasy fics and stories - you think that fnatasy stories are for kids but then you read it and you're just transported to that universe created by the author. With more practice with your sentence construction, I think this fic would be a perfect 10.

The only thing you could have done is to transfer your author's note in your foreword, and then the character descriptions and glossary in the description. Authors' notes in fics are usually found in the foreword, but if it works for you, you can just leave it as is because it's good just the way it is.

Now for the technical part.

Aside from having different sentences in your first paragraph, try this one:

"She imagines a world besides ours, filled with magic and different fantastic creatures, a world that has always been a place that she always wanted to live in, which is the opposite of our world."

It creates more mystery, and the readers will ask "who is this 'she' that the author is talking about?