Title: Inexplicable

Reviewed by: AzHiie

I personally think this isn’t going to make you cry, but I did everything I could to be harsh on you like you wanted. This was a little longer than I expected, but it’s not a bad thing! I believe it takes more time reviewing a story with almost perfect marks because you have to be more specific and detailed than reviewing stories from beginners.

First impression:

This is the best first impression I’ve gotten since I started reviewing in our shop. I’ve only read the foreword and I thought, “Does this story even need reviewing?” and “Wow, I think I want to read this”, even when I’m supposedly a fic reader.

Story title:

Your one-word title is simple, but it’s not very common and it was easy for me to think that your writing style is going to be something I liked after reading it. But I don’t see the relevance of the title to the story just yet.

Graphics:

The poster is nearly perfect. I’d give it a perfect score if the first letter of the title was capitalized and Baekhyun’s picture was less sharp, because I think his was sharper than Taeyeon’s and a bit darker - but that’s no big deal at all compared to the title. Your poster is a 9.5 out of 10.

Description and foreword:

Your description and foreword is nearly perfect too, only needs a little rearrangement. The dialogues in the foreword should be placed right before the characters’ introductions and after the description while the characters should be moved down to the foreword. The part of Taeyeon’s choice being a matter of life and death is slightly misleading, unless there’s going to be a part in the story where they run for their lives or the like. Nonetheless, it’s neat, it has no typographical or grammatical errors and it’s very inviting.

Plot / flow / originality:

The plot is cliché, so it’s a minus in terms of originality. Your familiarity in writing properly along with the steady flow of the story made up for it. Although, I think you needed a few little scenes where Baekhyun appeared in the first few chapters even if it’s just a small cameo appearance, because readers tend to get bored if the male main character isn’t around.

There was angst in your story’s tags. I’d take it down and replace it with the complete opposite of it - comedy. If your story was angst, it’s not supposed to seem so bright and cheerful all the time. I never read anything in those six chapters that could be considered angst. I understand if you’re planning to post chapters with that genre, but it doesn’t make the whole thing an angst story because I would make the readers feel the depression right from the first chapter if I wanted it to be angsty.

Grammar:

Reading your foreword made me think your writing style was already perfect, indeed, but I suppose this is where I can actually point out real flaws.

In a story, never use the numbers’ symbols especially in dialogues unless it's some sort of freaky code, an age stated in a portfolio, a part of a title of anything and the like. Here are a few sentences I took from the first chapter:

I didn't have that much left on my credit card, only about 800 000 won.

Tiffany even lent me a few 1000 wons to satisfy my shopping desires.

A year ago, when I turned 16, I asked for a raise in pocket money.

I was to save at least 200 000 won in case of emergencies.

You must change every single one of the numbers into words, and do not ever use ‘wons’, it’s not a word. In numbers starting with ‘1’ (except the number itself, of course), use ‘a’ instead (e.g. 1000 won = a thousand won, 100 people = a hundred people).

In dialogues, you don’t always have to use the comma.

"School," Hyoyeon snorted as we walked into the cateferia, the stuffy atmosphere hitting us instantly, "Who likes