Title: Perfection

Reviewed by: AzHiie

I’m not gonna go easy on you just because we’re KrisYeol pals and that you’ve read one of my stories before, but don’t take anything to heart if I seem harsh, okay?

First impression:

I think it’s a little too clean and simple, compared to the usual long stories I read. But it’s not all that bad, I happen to be one of those authors who don’t bother putting up a background image or even a poster.

Story title:

Of course, it’s considered cliché. A hundred percent relevant to the story, but you could have added a few other words to make it original or stick to a single-word title, only a deeper, more unique word.

Graphics:

I don’t personally think the theme of the story matches with the poster; specifically, the color. Your story is more suitable to a dark or/and light-colored poster; preferably black, gray, white, blue and others similar. Basically, it has to have cool colors but most of what I saw were the complete opposites - every single shade of the sunset. Sunset-themed posters are normally for stories (mostly one-shots) that involve summer, beaches and everything else in the picture you would think of.

Description and foreword:

For a chaptered story, you lacked here. The description is the first thing that readers would see while going through tons of stories, so you have to change that to the plot itself if you want your story to gain attention – the description you gave in your request form, for instance.

I, for one, don’t fancy putting up character introductions in the foreword of my long stories, so yours is fine without them. Sometimes, it’s more intriguing when you find out the characters’ personalities as you read. In your case, however, you technically did include character introduction, only indirectly, but I like it better that way than seeing all those sickening ‘18 years old’, ‘son of the richest family in Korea’ stuff.

Plot / flow / originality:

The plot is cliché, so in terms of originality, you’re a bit lacking. I found these parts very common; where the first thing Sehun saw of Kai was that he was nearly and where Kai and Sehun saw Luhan and Xiumin together at the same place.

But the flow is perfect. You asked me to focus on the characters’ developments, and they’re all in a nice and steady pace so I don’t have much to say. The flow is perfect – as long as it was only a mistake in chapter nine where Kai mentioned that their three months will be ending soon because it was already (but only) two weeks.

Something’s been bothering me, though - I don’t see your purpose in inputting the chapter and number in every odd-numbered chapter’s titles. If you think it’s some sort of design or style, I suggest you take them down and just put the title.

Grammar:

Now, here’s the big problem.

I apologize for not focusing much on what you wanted, but this needs much more improvement to make your story better.

You have typographical error, trouble in tenses, misuse of words, lack in punctuation marks (especi