Title : Everlasting Sunset

Reviewer : Taehyung (christine3006)

[ caution : this reviews may be kinda harsh but this is the longest review I've ever done:3 AND LOTS OF PRAISES! OHO. I hope it'll help you to improve, mianhe T^T ]

First impression 

Your foreword didn't really impressed me, maybe you should add more quotes or plots in da foreword? and maybe you should use an angst font for your story~ But this is still first impression so.. yeah~

Story title 

Everlasting Sunset, your title is quite good but I've seen so many stories with this title. And you should change yor title to "The Everlasting Sunset" since its plural noun. Firstly, I don't know what the title means but then after I finished reading your story, I know whats the meaning of the title /sobs

Graphics

Well, I have to admit it that your poster doesn't really match to the story, it was too bright for me. But its okay if you like the poster~ 

Description and foreword

This section is one of the most important part since readers will see your foreword first before reading your story. You can also use formal fonts, like: Times New Roman or Georgia and you also capitalized some of the word that aren't supposed to be be.

original :  Yura is an every boy's dream girl, She got the beauty and brains. But unfortunately, Yura never looked at any boy. Why? Because she already settled her eyes on a peculiar guy. A quiet and mysterious guy, A guy that was never paid attention by society. A guy who is handsome in her point of view. A guy that she thought was perfect for her. Her Destiny. A guy named Lay.

correction : Yura is every guy's dream girl, she got beauty and brains. But unfortunately, she never looked at any guy because she had already settled her eyes on a perculiar guy. A guy who was quiet and mysterious, he never paid any attention to the society. He was perfect in her eyes. The guy who named Lay, is her destiny.

note : handsome is included in 'perfect' so lets just write perfect

original : What will happen if fate decided for them to meet?

correction : What will happen if fate meet them up?

original : What will happen if they fell inlove?

correction : What will happen if they'll fell in love?

original : What will happen if there's a boundary keeping them from being together?

correction : What will happen if there's a boundary, keeping them away from being together?

Plot / flow / originality  

Your story is more into flashbacks and its quiet good tho. But there's some part that confuses me. In chapter 2, Yura and Lay were going to had their study date, so it means that Yura will have to go to Lay's house. But then, "I ran outside of my house then walked on the streets.", you should tell the readers that Lay will fetch her or anything else. Try to clarfy things clearly so the readers won't get confused. I never read any stories with this kind of plot before, you know, usually the OCs are the one who died or sick or etc. But you made Lay died TAT/ (You're lucky since my bias isn't lay xD)

Grammar / writing style

Your stories is kinda messy but yes, I'll help you to arrange it xD and one advice for the flashback's stuffs, use past tense because you were talking about her past (it had happened). There are so many grammatical error so I'll be only pointing out some of it (I'll take like 10.000 words to correct it all xD).  I highly recommended you to hire a beta-reader tho~ but I'm not quiet sure if the contest allowed it so, yeah~

original : " Im 14 noona... " The boy cutted.

correction : "I'm 14 noona..." the boy cutted.

^ you need to put an apostrophe if you are shortening "I am" and "it is", it'll be "I'm" and "it's".  You need to blend the dialogues with the double quotation marks, no spaces required. And please remember to capitalize "I" since you forgot to capitalize some of them

original : "...version.I carefully crept out from the sight."

correction : "...version. I carefully crept of from the sight."

^ do remember to put a space before starting a new sentence/s !

original : " Arraso.. But, Atleast take these flowers... jebal? " 

correction : "Arraso... But please at least accept this flowers" or "Arraso... But, at least accept this flowers... jaebal"

original : " Y-yura, You dont have to.. " 

correction : "Y-Yura, you don't have to..."

^ always capitalize someone's name and you don't have to capitalize the 'you' because its still the same sentence. You only capitalize the first word if you used a full stop before. And usually, proffesional authors used 3x fullstop to end a sentences like that (otl im bad at explaining this topic)

original :" Lay.. Why am I inlove with you? "

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