Title: A Heart Made of Ice

Reviewed by: AzHiie

Before anything, prepare your heart. Because I'm not your typical kind reviewer who would sweeten up her words just to make you continue your work without improving because you were flattered by how you originally wrote.

Now, let's start, shall we?

First impression:

Firstly, I'd like to say I'm a full-time reader so I don't read fanfiction like yours. But after taking a look at your foreword, I would have given it a try even if I wasn't reviewing it, and that's a compliment. And hey, first thing that popped into my mind were movies; I personally think that it's a nice idea to use lines from them because even if it's just a little bonus, if the readers knew the movies, they would know how to imagine how those lines would have been said by the characters. Two thumbs up.

Suggesting songs for the story to listen to while reading it is a very nice way to make your story remembered if your readers do, in fact, listen to them, too. I like that.

Story title:

Typical. A very common title everyone else would use for a plot much like this, so it tells how the story works just by the title. A minus for me, because creativity in titles is very efficient and it would have been better if it had a title that would make the readers curious. For example, if I was the one going through these latest updated stories, I'd read the title and be 'meh'.

Also, instead of A Heart made of Ice, it should be A Heart Made of Ice, because the only words in a title that shouldn't have their first letters in capital are the conjunctions - linking words.

Graphics:

It's perfect. And that's enough said.

Description and foreword:

It's very neat and easy to read. I like how it's almost like those little trailers you can watch on television even when there were just words and pictures.

One teeny tiny mistake at the description; when you shorten 'I am', never ever forget the apostrophe( ' ).

Plot / flow / originality:

The plot is undeniably ordinary, but then again, if I was like one of your readers, I would still read it because stories like that are better than stories where the girl is a downright .

The flow is just perfectly fine, I honestly like how the chapters are short but never loses the interest of the readers because it was never boring.

Grammar:

You lack in punctuation marks, you still have typographical errors and most of your sentences are too short. In emphasizing words, using italics is a lot better than putting everything in capital letters. Using too much capital letters makes the story obnoxious and makes the characters seem overreacting.

The thing that disappointed me most, though, was when I was looking forward to the story after reading the foreword, and then I clicked the first chapter and sighed, because telling the story in a way you're talking to the reader and telling her what she's doing is just a big no to me. The first paragraphs were how I wanted it to be.

In writing a story where there's a fictional character, you should either write as if she was you or just basically write in a narrator's point of view like any other story.

In chapter one, though, there was a mistake where you forgot to write how you were supposed to.

You smiled at her before hugging her like a little girl. Mrs. Kim chuckled at her daughter and her hair.

Do you see the big difference? In that kind of case, it should be:

You smiled at her before hugging her like a little girl. She chu