8. I WANT TO BE UMMA

My next few days were spent playing and laughing with Minki who stayed home with me. Since I was free, I took over preparing food and all the housework to give imo some rest.

One morning Minki and I devised a new game while I bathed her. She became me and I became Minki. I smiled at her attempts to be me and talk like me. She put on a serious scrunched-up face while we replayed our usual breakfast scene. As usual we talked in English. She began.

“Minti hurry up. Everyone is waiting for you to finish eating. We don’t want imo to be late do we?”

“I am sorry ummappa. I am eating as fast as I tan. Tan I just have milt and go?”

“No you tannot have milt only. How will you grow lite Soo-jin unni if you don’t eat?”

“Otay I am eating. Two minutes.” I showed three finger to Minki.

“That is not two. This is two.” She showed one finger.

“Pabo. That is one. This is two.” I stopped the role playing to show her two fingers.

“Ummappaaaaaaa. You are me Minti. You tannot tall me pabo. I am ummappa. Now say sorry to me.”

“Sorry ummappa. I am very sorry. I love you.” I took advantage of the situation and gave her a big kiss.

“Minti don’t try to fool me with your tisses. You are betoming a very naughty girl. What will everyone say when you marry? They will say ummappa did not raise Minti well. You must be a good girl and mate ummappa proud of you.”

“But ummappa when will I marry?” I carried the game forward wanting to know what she thought.

“When you grow up?”

“When will I grow up?”

“After two days.” She again held up one finger.

I made the sign of time out with my hands and kissed both her cheeks. “So you are going to grow up in two days and marry and leave me? You know I will cry a lot.”

“I will tate you with me. You will not try then.”

“Oh baby your husband will not allow you to bring ummappa with you.”

“I will marry a husband who will let me tate you. You will be with me always.”

I hugged my innocent baby tightly to my chest. I controlled my tears that wanted to spill over. “What do you want to have for breakfast today?”

“Timti mandu.”

“You know when you were in my tummy, I ate kimchi mandu for a long time. It was the only thing I could eat.”

“Ummappa how tould I be in your tummy? I am so big. And your tummy small.”

“You were also small then. You were only this much in size.” I put my fingers about four to five inches apart to show her.

Her big eyes opened wider. “I was so small ummappa?”

“Yes. You were only the size of the pin head when you were put in my tummy to keep you safe and to make you grow.” I showed her the end of her hair clip to indicate the size.

“I was so small ummappa? Tould you see me?” Even had opened wide.

“No, I could not see you then. I could see you when you were the size of the hair clip. After that I saw you every week till you were finally big enough to live outside. You were this big then.” I put my hands about a foot or so away.

“How did I tome out of your tummy ummappa? Where is the door?” She touched my tummy to locate a door in it.

I laughed and showed her my surgery scar. “There is no door in the tummy so the doctor created one for you in my tummy. Then they closed it so you do not go back. They want you to grow big and become a doctor like appa.”

“No, no I don’t want to betome a dottor. I want to be a umma.”

“You can be both you know.”

“Only umma.”

She was going to kill me one day with her cuteness. I stored away these memories to remember her childhood by.

I began putting together dumplings for her. She insisted on helping me with them. I would not let her.

“How will I betome a good umma if you do not let me toot. What will my baby eat?”

I laughed and pointed to myself, “Halmeoni will cook and send food for your baby.”

She shook her head vehemently, “No! You teat me to toot. I will mate food for my baby.”

We finally made mini dumplings that her small hands could hold easily.

“Baby should we make for everyone so they can eat them in the evening? If your hands are tired, it’s alright, I will make them myself.”

“No umma Minti will mate them.”

We made more than required so everyone could have them in the evening as Minki’s first cooking effort. I steamed some for our breakfast and for uncle’s mother and put the rest in the freezer.

After breakfast, I gave aunty her medicine and Minki and I cleaned the kitchen and the house. Minki insisted on doing her share of work. Then I sat her down with her coloring book. As I was helping her select the color of sky, I received an unknown text message on my phone.

Jonghyun sends you roses to thank you for the coffee.

There were dots in the shape of roses to form a bouquet.

I was too shocked to react for a while. Minki took the phone from my hands and looked at the message. She smiled and pointed to the image. “Ummappa roses.”

I nodded and took the phone back. Minki continued with her coloring. I replied to the message.

How did you get my phone number?

I didn’t have to add the name. I was sure the message was from Officer Jonghyun.

You have to ask that?

Are you not abusing your position?

Only to know more about you. Or you can tell me in person.

I have nothing to tell you.

But I have a lot to tell you. I have 22 years worth to tell you.

I don’t want to know. Plus, I don’t accept gifts from strangers.

Then let me know you. I want to give you lots of flowers. Which is your favorite one?

Yellow flowers & red roses.

So I sent you the right flowers.

How did you know?

I guessed. Maybe I dreamt. Every night when I close my eyes I see you surrounded by red roses.

What? You are crazy.

"Ummappa what are you doing? Why are you smiling at the phone?"

"Just talking to a crazy person."

"I also want to talt." She grabbed the phone and pressed the 'call' button.

I tried to take back the phone, but she ran away with it. I listened to her side of the conversation. She was still speaking in English.

"Hello. Are you trazy person?"

"I am Minti."

"Minti. Not Minti."

"I am ummappa's daughter."

"You don't know my ummappa?"

"You sent him pretty roses."

"Yes my ummappa's name is Jinti. What is your name?"

"Jonghoon?"

"Why do you have so long name?"

"Betause you are short. What is short?"

"Otay I will ast ummappa."

Minki shouted to me, "Ummappa what is short?"

"You are short and I am tall." I demonstrated the height difference with hand gestures.

She nodded in understanding.

"Are you also three?" She asked on the phone, her baby logic at work again.

“What do you do?”

“Police?” She threw the phone in my lap and went to hide.

It took me a moment to realize the reason. Kibum scared Jongin all the time that if he misbehaved police would take him away.

“Hello!”

“You have a very cute daughter.”

“Thank you. Would you hold for a few minutes or call back later. I need to go and find her.”

“Where did she go all of a sudden?”

“She thought you will take her away from me and has gone to hide somewhere.”

“Okay. I will call back in five minutes.”

“Thank you. Bye.”

“I will call back. Bye.”

I forgot that I did not want to talk to him at all.

“Minki where are you?”

“Ummappa I will be a good girl. Don’t let him tate me away.”

“Silly girl. No one is taking you anywhere. He is someone I know.” I located her under Soo-jin’s blanket. “Baby no one is taking you away from me. You don’t have to hide. Give me a big kiss now. You are my very good girl.” I gave her lots of kisses and hugged her to me. I carried her to the family room to help her put away her coloring stuff. “Do you want to have some ice cream?”

I checked on aunty. She was sleeping. I made sure she had everything she needed near her and we left to have some ice cream.

I was driving when Jonghyun called again. Minki answered the call before I could do so.

“Hello. I am Minti.”

“Oh! It is you. Police. Ummappa is driving.”

“We are going to have ice tream.”

“Near our house.”

“I lite orange. You?”

“Not eat ice tream? It is so good. You tome eat with us.”

I was shocked. Minki did not open up to strangers easily. She was a shy child.

“Ummappa, where are we going?”

I told her the name of the local ice cream place. And she rattled it off to Jonghyun on the phone. I knew that we could expect him to show up. I had mixed feelings about it. But Minki was definitely excited.

We reached first and ordered a mini cup of Orange flavor for her. She dug into her ice cream and ate it with relish. Ten minutes into my watching her eat, Jonghyun arrived in civilian clothes.

We bowed to each other and he seated himself across from us. Minki was sitting beside me.

“How are you Jonghyun-ssi?”

“I am as well as can be expected Jinki-ssi?”

I raised my brows.

“You dropped a bomb before leaving that day. Took me a full day to sort it out. So this is the girl. She is pretty. As pretty as you.”

Minki was looking at him with her big round eyes.

“Minki, say hello.”

She hid her face in my side and peeked at him.

He handed one bouquet of red roses to me and a mini bouquet to Minki, immediately winning her over.

“Pretty roses.”

“Minki, say hello.”

“Hello ajeossi. Thant you for pretty roses.”

“Hello Minki. I am glad you like them. You are prettier than the roses.”

She blushed. Then looked at me. I nodded. I knew she wanted to ask Jonghyun something.

“You will not tate me away from ummappa?”

“I will not. Promise.”

“Even if I am a bad girl?”

“If you are bad girl, my friend might take you away.”

Minki clutched me tight.

“Jonghyun-ssi please do not scare her. I want her to behave because it’s the right thing to do, not because she is scared.”

“Okay Minki, if you are a bad girl, no one will take you away. But your ummappa will be very unhappy with you.”

He raised his eyes in question as he mouthed, “Ummappa?”

“I will tell you another time. It is umma appa combo.”

“I will be good. Promise.” Minki held out her little finger to him for pinky swear. She taught Jonghyun our pinky swear.

I didn’t know what to do with my bouquet. Thirty years old and receiving red roses or a bouquet for the first time in my life. No one even knew my favorite flowers till Jonghyun asked. I touched the velvety roses once and then handed the bouquet to Minki for safe keeping. I knew she would guard both bouquets with her life.

“Would you like to have some ice cream?” I asked Jonghyun

“I don’t like to eat processed food or sweets. How about you? Should I order something for you?”

I shook my head. “I rarely eat ice cream.”

“What is your favorite food then?”

Minki spoke up for me. “Titen.”

He was totally confused.

“Chicken.” I clarified.

I was glad he did not laugh at Minki. I would have hit him on the head if he had.

“And yours Minki?”

“Milt and ice tream. Ajeossi?”

“Anything with meat. No favorite type. Anything healthy. Would you like to have lunch with me?”

I opened my mouth to say no, but Minki was quicker with her yes. I mentally face-palmed myself. I didn’t want to encourage this young man. Having lunch with him would give him false hopes. Even this meeting was giving him false hopes. I should have ignored his text message. If I had not responded, there would be no lunch to worry about.

I sent Minki to select another ice cream for herself. I moved to her seat to enable me to look at Jonghyun and keep an eye on Minki at the same time. She’d forgotten about ice cream and was talking to another boy her age. I knew soon she’d begin playing with him.

I made my position clear to Jonghyun.

“Jonghyun-ssi, please do not get your hopes up. I am not interested in a relationship. I am happy the way I am.”

He spoke in a rush then, “Can I interest you in friendship? I am not seeking a relationship either. Honestly, I like you. I find you very interesting. I want to know more about you. But I am also unsure. You are way older than me, and I have dated only girls till now. I don’t know why I am dreaming of you. I went on a date last night but kept comparing her to you. It totally freaked me out. I don’t know what to call this feeling I have for you, it is too strong to be a simple crush. But I don’t believe in love at first sight. Especially, since I have been involved with girls only till now. Can we just be friends?”

I stared at him. “Since when did you have this speech ready?”

“When I am with you, words spill out on their own. My brain seizes to function fully. I keep seeing in my mind the way you looked when I first saw you. By the way, you are looking even prettier today. I remember your smell. When I go to sleep, I can smell you. I find myself reaching out for you at night. My mother tells me I call your name in my sleep. I don’t want this Jinki-ssi. I am only 22. I want to date many girls. Please help me. Only you can help me.”

I kept staring at him. It was refreshing to meet such an honest person. I could not find any trace of artifice in his answer.

“You gave me a strong impression that you were gay the first time we met.”

“When I saw you, I forgot I was not gay. I did not remember till a long time after you’d gone. I tried to put you out of my mind. But failed. Today is my day off. After my disastrous date last night, I decided to do some research on you. That’s how I found your phone number. I apologize if I offended you with my text messages. My brain stopped functioning when I began to type the first message to you.”

I started laughing softly. This man was too innocent for the likes of me. But I wanted to be friends with him.

“I fell in love with Minki’s father when I was 18. I had not thought of either girls or boys before that. He was my one and only interest. I married him at 22. Minki came into my life when I was 27. I left my husband when I was 29. I am 30 now. I have never dated anyone apart from Minki’s father. I have never even thought of anyone apart from him. I have never flirted with anyone in my entire life. Not even him. Yet, I sort of flirted with you when we first met. It felt nice in a way. I have not thought of you since then. I am not interested in a relationship. I don’t know if I will make a good friend. I have not had any friends since I met Minho. If we become friends, I think I might flirt with you again. I am not sure what to do.”

Jonghyun remained silent, deep in thought.

“You are straight, yet you are interested in me. I am not interested in a relationship, yet I flirted with you. What kind of friendship do you think we will have?”

“The very best. If right now is any indication, we will be best friends. We are honest with each other. I told you I dream about you. You told me you flirted with me and might do so again in future. I told you what was on my mind, not caring about your reaction. You told me your thoughts. Friends Jinki-ssi?”

Jonghyun extended his hand to me.

I shook his hand. “Friends Jonghyun. And call me Jinki.”