42. BABY MANIA

Our doctor’s appointment to sign the agreement went well. Puppy asked the same clarifications on reducing the risks from the doctor. The responses were similar to mine. We got a donor female file to decide. This part made my puppy the unhappiest. He did not want a third person’s contribution for our byongs, but had to compromise at the necessity of it.

For the next week, we all sat after dinner and pored over the file to select the suitable candidates. Entire family participated in it. When imo told umma, she sounded a little sad about missing this part of my life yet again and imo invited her to stay over for a few days.

When she came, her first response was to ooh and aah over the new big screen flat tv, bigger than the one they had at home. Imo told her it was a gift from puppy and me. She looked envious briefly before she covered it up. I made a note to discuss with puppy about giving her a tv for her room as well. We’d gifted puppy’s parents also a flat tv the year before when theirs stopped working. His brother was upset when we purchased a bigger one for imo’s house. That was usual for him.

Puppy wanted both of us to give our , but I did not want to. I really did not think that my genes would do the baby any good. My father was an alcoholic, both sides of my family had strong genetic history of diabetes and high blood pressure, weak lungs, all kinds of allergies and even schizophrenia from my mother’s side. I did not want to pass on all these medical problems to my child. Jonghyun’s family history did not have any major medical problems unless one considered the selfishness displayed by his mother and brother as pathological.

Puppy insisted on selecting a donor who resembled me as much as possible. I laughed at this because the child could turn out like her parents for all we knew. So he insisted on seeing the photographs of the family for the few donors we selected. Finally after a lot of deliberation, we decided on a donor. I think what swayed puppy was that she listed singing as her one of her talents. He said he loved hearing me sing.

Siwon and Heechul came for dinner on a Saturday when umma was there and Heechul got a whack on his head from umma with a serving spoon, “Why are you making Jinki do all the hard work, you lazy bum? Why can’t you have your own baby? Jinki is also a man like you. Do you know how much problem he had carrying the first time? Are you scared that you and Siwon are not men enough to become parents yourselves?” She kept whacking him with every question.

“Omoni I was only joking with him about triplets but he agreed. Ouch! Stop hitting me and let me explain.”

“Better make it good, or I will hit you more.” Umma stood over him in a militant pose with the serving spoon ready to become a weapon again.

Siwon pulled her to sit in his lap and took the spoon from her fingers. “Omoni let me explain.”

Umma waited patiently. Everyone looked at Siwon expectantly. I had never questioned or wondered why Heechul didn’t carry his own baby. But it was clear others had.

“Omoni a few years ago, Heechul was involved in a bad car accident that left him with major injuries. We are scared that his leg and body will not be able to support the pregnancy as it advances.”

“How can you decide that on your own without meeting the doctor first? Do you know I nearly lost him when he underwent surgery for Minki? What makes you think his body can support two babies? He is just a man, not a superman.”

Heechul took hold of umma’s hand, “We are very sorry omoni. Please do whack me more for my selfishness. What if the doctor also says no to us, like he did to Jjong?”

“Then Jinki can help you out. But really, you people. Don’t disappoint me again like this. A man getting pregnant is not a joke. You did not see Jinki when he was pregnant with Minki. I just hope he enjoys this one.”

I simply stared at umma. Puppy got up and picked up umma from Siwon’s lap. “Umma I promise he will not suffer. I will keep him happy and take full care of him.”

“I can already see how happy you make him. I have never seen him smile all the time like this even as a child. I am letting him have his way with this pregnancy only on the force of your love and ability to make him happy, otherwise you too will get this from me.” She waved the serving spoon at puppy as her ultimate weapon.

With a simple question umma changed the course of my would-be-pregnancy. Siwon and Heechul visited the doctor with my referral and returned in a pensive mood. Heechul told me Siwon was very upset with him for placing such a dangerous burden on me.

I shook my head, “It’s not a burden Cinder. I could have said no when you first asked. I didn’t even think of no as an option. Don’t let umma’s words affect you both so much. She is a mother. I am same with Minx. What did the doctor say?”

“He said, I might need bed rest in the seventh and eighth months as my body’s center of gravity will shift, and that may or may not cause problem with my injured leg. He was also worried about my post-delivery care. For two months at least, I will not be able to do much work, including that of the baby.”

I nodded knowing how important that resting period was for our male bodies which were not meant to get pregnant.

“I don’t have anyone Jinx. I have only my father and he is in Seoul, also it is doubtful whether he will even speak with me again after I become pregnant. Siwon’s parents have not spoken with us since we got together. Siwon cannot take leave for more than a month. It is hopeless Jinx.”

“Don’t say that Cinder, you have me, imo and umma. If you decide to have a baby, we will look after you. You are not alone. I think umma whacked the spoon too hard on your head, you have forgotten you have us. Stop moping this instant. We need to make a schedule for our babies, we can’t be pregnant together.”

“Toss a coin?”

“Now I will whack you Cinder. I don’t want my baby’s birthday decided by a coin. I think I should go first. That way you can be with the new baby and finally make up your mind about having the responsibility of someone so fragile and helpless. You love children but a baby is a different thing altogether.”

“I will have to run it by Siwon. He has made me promise I will not say or finalize anything with you without running it by him first. He calls us two crazy fellows. I don’t like it when he is upset with me. It is so rare to see him in such a foul mood. He was literally roaring like a lion at me in the car. I like my Simba purring.”

The happiest person was puppy when I told him that I’d be having only one baby. We knew it was the safest option. Siwon told him their decision to have our byong first. He liked my idea of being around the baby before deciding on Heechul’s pregnancy.

Imo and uncle held a big family dinner to announce our decision to both our families. We got mixed reaction from them. Funniest reaction was from puppy’s mother who couldn’t decide whether laugh or frown and her face was a mix of both the emotions.

Kibum said loudly to Taemin, “Hyung, when are you going to carry Jongin’s sister? We need to complete our family and I refuse to spoil my figure anymore?”

“Oh no, Kitty. I am the father. There is no way you can get me to become a mother. Being an umma is your task. I don’t even know how to change diapers. “

“I will change the diapers hyung.”

“No Kitty. I saw how you were during the pregnancy. There is no way I am putting myself through it. If you want another baby then you bear it again.”

“Go for surrogacy,” Uncle suggested just to stop their bickering. “It will be much cheaper as well Tae. You can save more money as compared to Kibum bearing one.” Uncle had hit the nail right on the head.

This was the first time puppy’s family was meeting mine and I could understand their bewilderment. There were three ‘normal’ older couples and three ‘same gender’ couples of my generation. They looked at puppy’s older brother wondering which way he swung. His mother had a hard time digesting the normalcy of our lives. We had kids and were planning more kids and my family was totally okay with the concept. We must have looked like aliens to her.

“Ummappa can we ask Sehun to come and play with me and Kai?” Minx diverted my attention. She had joined Chinese classes with Jongin in the hagwon and the Chinese teacher had named him Kai for always topping the class. The name stuck to him at home as well.

I nodded, what was one more guest when we already had so many. “Kai go with Minx and ask his mother if he can stay for dinner. I she wants to talk to me, I will take the call.”

“Jinki hyung, Minseok hyung is getting married next month. My parents will be coming to invite all of you. Just letting you know in advance,” Kibum announced to me about his elder brother’s marriage.

“Arranged or love Kibum?”

“Arranged hyung. The girl is from appa’s village. You will have to speak with her only in Korean. She does not know any English. Joon-myun is jumping in joy because now he can marry. I don’t know why umma won’t let him marry before hyung.”

“Is Minseok still with the same computer firm?”

“No, he switched over to Sony. You know hyung, he is short and the girl is even shorter. Umma is worried how short their children would be. She is fighting daily with appa for showing that girl to hyung. According to her they will be a family of midgets. She is already after Joonie to marry a tall girl.”

Heechul came to listen to our gossip and began teasing me, “Jinx are you sure you want to have a byong? Just imagine how tiny the baby will be on growing up.” 

“Don’t worry Cinder, the donor girl is very tall. Hopefully that would compensate for puppy. I can’t imagine I am going through the whole rigmarole again. I need a whack to come to my senses.”

Both Heechul and Kibum whacked me. “Ouch! Not so hard. And no it did not work. I am still going through with it. Kibum if you still have those pregnancy clothes that I returned, I’d need them again.”

“Hey you two why are you hurting my tokki?” Puppy came over to rub my head.

“We were just telling him how tiny the baby will be considering he will be your product Jjong,” Heechul grinned at him. “Instead of byong for baby dragon Jinx should name the child jageun yong, jyong for tiny dragon.”

Puppy immediately looked worriedly at me. “Don’t worry puppy, the girl we selected is as tall as me. Our baby will not be tiny. And no you are not short either. Don’t pay any attention to these two meanies. They are just jealous that we are having a baby while they aren’t.” I poked out my tongue at the two gaping Divas.

“Hyung I want a baby right now.” Both Divas cried out together.

Taemin and Siwon hurried over.

“Kitty didn’t we decide to go for surrogacy earlier? It will take time. How can we have a baby immediately?” Taemin tried to reason with a pouting Kibum.

“Cinderella it takes time. Didn’t we decide to wait for Jinki to have one first before taking our turn? Now don’t pout like that at me. It was your decision.” Siwon pointed out to Heechul.

Then they both turned to me with accusing eyes to stop my laughter. I just laughed harder and hid behind puppy to stop myself from getting whacked again. Puppy diverted their attention by inviting them to see the donor profile.

It was nice to have good fun time with our near ones. I basked in my feeling of happiness, living only for the moment. The past didn’t matter much at that moment and the future will take care of itself. Puppy would be by my side always.

Next week I began my hormone cocktail to prepare my body for the implantation.

“Yeobo I really like you on the hormones.” Puppy told me a few nights later.

“Why?”

“Your body is more sensitive to my touch. Your s are bigger.” Puppy teased my with his finger tip. I felt the tingle all over my body.

“How are you going to survive the weeks and months once I am pregnant?”

“By imagining that many ways of making love with you. Even if we can’t go all the way, we can still touch right?”

“Hmmm. And if I lose interest totally till the baby is born?”

“I will just hold you in my arms then and kiss you and talk to you. I will learn all new changes in your body and enjoy each one. We will still have our fun yeobo. Just differently.”

“Jagi are you sure about going public with my pregnancy? I don’t want it to hurt your career.”

“I am not going to hide our love and our baby yeobo. I am proud of you, not ashamed. There is no question of keeping your pregnancy secret. If necessary, I will change my profession.”

I kissed him. He was the sweetest love. “Should we have paid for the procedure? We can afford it. Maybe we shouldn’t have signed the papers for making everything public. They will record everything and we will lose a lot of our privacy.”

He tickled me. “My yeobo will be a star. Maybe one day we will record our lovemaking. My yeobo the star.”

I blushed beet red. Who knew with this crazy puppy? He just might do what he said.

“The way I see it is different yeobo. It is not the loss of privacy or money. Just think how many childless couples are out there. If they want the husbands can carry the baby.”

“They should make you minister for social welfare and family planning.”

We laughed and talked deep into the night. Puppy had taken a week off from work. We were going for embryo implantation next day.

Imo and umma accompanied us to the hospital. I realized I was still scared of big needles. I had requested that puppy stay with me through the procedure. He rubbed the back of my hand to keep me calm. As expected, they were filming everything. Kibum and Heechul both had wanted me to put on some makeup. But I had balked at the idea. Puppy assured them I was already handsome enough and did not need any artifice.

It was only a few minutes and then the four of us were alone in the room. They kept a steady banter of jokes and teasing to keep me entertained. When it was night time, they played rock paper scissors to see who would stay. I grinned at their weirdness. Imo won and puppy pouted and whined at her.

“Imo I promised him I will always be with him. I have never spent a night apart from him, not counting the nights I have to work. Are you really sure you want me to break my promise to him by leaving him alone in the hospital?”

“Hush puppy. He won’t be alone. I will be with him. You both need to learn to spend your nights apart. Too much togetherness is not healthy. Go home.”

“He will be alone imo because I will not be with him. You cannot be so mean as to separate me from my tokki. I will cry the whole night without him. I will be so alone and lonely and worried. Have pity on my poor eyes imo.”

“Dae Hei let him stay. Just stop his whining.” Umma finally declared. “Jinki where did you find him?”

“Sweet umma. Thank you.” A very happy puppy kissed umma and imo. “And he didn’t find me. I found him. When I first saw him, I just wanted to tuck this adorable bunny under my arms and run away to a remote island.”

I blushed and held out my hand to him. He sat near the bed and wrapped his fingers around mine. Umma kept asking him for details about our family dates. She wanted to know how and where he confessed. We didn’t realize her tactic till after she had gone home. She had very successfully diverted our minds from worrying about the implant.

She had set the mood for the night. Puppy lay down on the bed with me and we talked, smiled and softly sang. He sang the songs we had sung together in the park and I joined him. They were our songs, our promises to each other. Both of us kept our twined hands on my abdomen above the implant site.

It was 20^th June, 2003. We calculated when our byong would be born. Anywhere from Jan end to Feb end next year.

We smiled and gently kissed. The hospital couldn’t have found a happier couple than us who slept soundly wrapped in each other’s love.

Seeing our well-rested and smiling faces, the doctor sent us back home next day evening. I lay down on our bed. I was supposed to move as little as possible for one week when the ultrasound was scheduled to check the viability of the implant.

Minx and Jiyeon immediately climbed on the bed on either side of me and insisted on seeing the place where the baby was put. I lifted my shirt and showed them the spot where puppy had drawn a red circle earlier in the day. They touched and exclaimed happily. Soo came to see as well. Minx ran out and called Sehun to see the new baby.

I looked at imo for guidance. Family was different, but Sehun?

Sehun and his mother both came, bearing a huge bouquet of flowers. I felt really blessed with such wonderful neighbors who did not find us weird. Mrs Oh had even brought food for me. She insisted on seeing the implant site. She oohed over it and winked saying maybe Mr Oh would like to present her with a baby too.

She stayed and chatted with us for some time. She became a regular visitor to our house after that.

A week passed in the blink of an eye. I had no time or inclination to worry. We had our scheduled weekly ultrasound. One good thing that happened when I fell before my surgery for Minki was that placenta got separated from my abdominal wall and there was no residue left inside me after the surgery. This was the main reason, doctor allowed me to get pregnant the second time. Kibum was not allowed, because his placenta had remained inside after Jongin’s surgical birth.

Doctor carefully checked for the placement of the embryo as the placenta would grow there. He cheerfully announced that it was in the abdominal wall as before, but at a different site. I whooped in joy. We checked all my hormone levels, especially the hCG. The results were normal and good for the time of pregnancy. Doctor asked if I remembered all the precautions. I nodded and began counting them off my fingers. No heavy work, no heavy lifting, plenty of rest, no drinking, no smoking, no bending only from the waist with knees straight, no eating heavily spiced food, no heavy duty . I looked at him to see if I had missed out anything. He laughed and shook his head. We scheduled ultrasound for next week.

I returned to work and there was a big banner of “congratulations” for me. All the mothers who were present hugged me. Many pressed on me gifts of food. One mother of seven was very upset that her husband wanted her to have another child when he could carry it himself.

Heechul grinned at me. My fears of rejection by the society were proven groundless at least for now. I sat down to work with a light heart and a huge smile. I was determined to enjoy my second pregnancy and cherish every moment of it.