29. SPECIAL PERMISSION

“Who the hell do you think you are? He is my son. I am his mother. I am his next of kin. Not a like you. You keep away from him, you hear me?” Jonghyun’s mother began screaming at me as I wept in relief that my puppy was alive and uncle held me.

Hearing her words, I wiped my tears, sniffed a couple of times and looked at her. This woman called herself his mother, but she did not ask me how he was doing? She did not want to know his status in the ICU. She just wanted me to keep away from him. She might be his mother, but I was the one who loved him like he had never been loved before and would never be loved ever again.

I looked her in the eye and went to the nursing station to know when I could visit Jonghyun inside again. His father and brother followed me silently. At least some people in the family knew when to remain silent. I was informed that general visiting hours were for half hour twice a day, morning and evening, when one person at a time could visit the patient. I turned and informed Jonghyun’s father and brother about the next visiting time when they all could visit him one by one. They went to talk to his mother.

I then made my special request to the nurse, “Can you please allow me in more frequently. I won’t be any trouble. I won’t ask any questions. I just want to see him and reassure myself. Please.”

She looked into my pleading eyes and asked, “How are you related to him?”

I remained silent. Jonghyun was a police officer. I was not certain how the reality of our relationship would affect his work. Not in a good way for sure.

“If you tell me, I will allow you in for five minutes every hour, and ask the night nurse to do the same.”

I remained silent. I badly wanted the time with him but I didn’t want to hinder his career either.

“Lee Jinki-ssi, you have my solemn promise that I will not tell anyone. I am just curious.”

“He can lose his job if you break your promise. I cannot take the risk.”

“His mother is screaming about it to everyone who would hear, to be allowed in. I just want to know the truth from you.”

“What do you think is the truth?”

“You are his lover.”

“I am not.”

“Then why is his family telling everyone that you are lovers?”

“We love each other. But we are not lovers.”

She smiled at me. “He will be alright. Our best doctors are attending to him. I will ask the nurses inside to allow you in every hour, except when the doctors are visiting the patients. Thank you for telling me.”

I nodded back at her and bowed, “Thank you for this special permission. It means so much more than words could express in thanks.”

I went back to uncle who was trying to calm down Jonghyun’s mother with the help of his father. His brother was sitting away from all, playing with his phone.

I lied, “They will not allow anyone in anymore till the visiting hours. If we make a scene, they will evacuate us not only from here but from the hospital also. Jonghyun is sleeping still because of the anesthesia he was given. It will be many hours before he regains consciousness. Even that would be very brief. He would be sleeping mostly for at least a week if not more because of the pain killers. Nurse suggests going home and coming back during visiting hours.”

His mother went to talk to her older son. His father remained with uncle and me.

“Uncle you should go home. You have not slept all night. Imo also would be very worried. I will stay here.”

“You should listen to the nurse Jinki. Come home, freshen up, eat something and then return here.”

“I am not leaving the hospital till puppy is here. I will go home only when he is ready to go home too with me. I will eat in the cafeteria. Get change of clothes for me when you come again. I will use the washroom here to freshen up.”

Uncle nodded. Jongyun’s father spoke up. “I will be here too. I will leave only when someone comes from your home.”

I asked uncle to bring me some sandwiches from home, something simple like plain bread and butter which would keep for a long time without spoiling, and some packed juice or milk. I made it clear that I was not going to move from the ICU visitor’s area even to have any food. Uncle gave me a hug and left for home.

My phone vibrated. It was Jonghyun’s Superintendent calling to ask for updates on his status. I gave him all the info I had. He informed me that his work colleagues would be stopping by through the day to talk to me. He told me that he would come himself too.

When I turned to take a seat, I found only Jonghyun’s father sitting in one of the chairs. He must have sent the others home. He patted a chair next to him, and I accepted his silent request.

“So, you are the one my son left us for.”

I remained silent.

“I apologize for my wife’s behavior. I hope you understand that she is upset due to his hospitalization.”

I bowed my head in acceptance.

“I love my son very much. And my son loves you. I don’t pretend to understand how my son who was dating girls one day suddenly fell in love with a man the next day. But I trust him. He is young, but he is wiser than my older son. I just want him to be happy. If he is happy with you, I accept it.”

Finally I whispered, “Thank you. You will not regret it.”

“Jongie told me you have a daughter. Tell me about her.”

“Her name is Minki. She just joined kindergarten. She loves Jonghyun as much as she loves me.”

“I would like to meet her one day.”

I nodded.

We passed the remaining time in silence. After sometime I went to the nursing station and asked if I could read Jonghyun’s reports. Since there was no one else around, she passed them to me and asked me to be quick about it. I went through all of it then went to visit my puppy again. He was still unconscious. I preferred to use the word sleep instead. True to her word, the nurse allowed me a visit every hour.

I called Minki before she left for school.

“Ummappa why are you not home? Imo said you are in hospital with ajeossi. When will you come back?”

“Ajeossi fell sick suddenly last night baby. We both will be back as soon as he is well again. Be a good girl for imo till then. I love you baby.”

“I love you too ummappa. I am a good girl. I miss you. Come back soon.”

“We will be back very soon, baby. Once doctor allows, you can come and meet ajeossi. Would you like that?”

“Yes ummappa. When?”

“Very soon baby. Do you want me to pass him any message for you?”

“Tell ajeossi I love him and give him a very big hug from me.”

“How big a hug?”

“A very big hug ummappa and a lot of kisses also.”

“Okay baby I will give him your love, a very big hug and lots of kisses. You know he loves you too. And here are many kisses from him to you.” I blew her kisses on the phone.

She began giggling and I ended the call with her laughter ringing in my ears and a small smile on my lips. Jonghyun’s father was watching me closely. He had paid close attention to my conversation with Minki.

When the doctors came to check puppy, they called me in and spoke with me. They expected him to wake up in the next couple of hours. His vitals were good. There were no further signs of internal bleeding. His x-rays were clear. He was given nearly four liters of blood to replace what he had lost after the shooting and during the surgery. According to the doctors, Jonghyun was young and in very good physical condition. They again assured me of a complete recovery, barring any sudden infections or other complications.

I asked them what complications could be expected. They looked at me trying to gauge my ability to take the truth. They told me a few common complications. It was also possible that his road to recovery would be easy without any bumps. I bowed my thanks to them.

Jonghyun’s work colleagues from the police department began visiting. Since none were allowed inside, they talked with me and his father. When his superintendent came for a visit, his young age was a surprise to me. He introduced himself as Choi Siwon.

He’d brought insurance and other administrative papers for me to sign, and explained the department would be footing the bill for Jonghyun’s treatment. I bowed deeply to him in thanks. I asked him about the kind of work that would be allotted to Jonghyun once he was back on his feet since he would not be able to do active police duty till at least a year. I was told that Jonghyun would be put on desk job till he fully recovered. I smiled and told him that Jonghyun really loved his work and would do his best to recover as quickly as possible.  

After the Superintendent left, I exhaled in relief. I had been silently worrying about the cost of puppy’s treatment and how I would arrange it. I had about a 100 million wons in bank that I had saved over the last year from rent and my paychecks. And I had not included the money I had put separately for Minki. I wasn’t sure if that would be enough to cover the hospital bills and the follow-up treatments. I’d also been worrying about department’s assistance towards his work during his convalescence.

I couldn’t be blamed for not knowing a thing about how the police department or any big company worked. I belonged to a business family and even my uncle was a businessman.

During the morning visiting hours, his family visited him. They brought food for his father who wanted to share it with me. But I refused. I couldn’t eat anything. My puppy was still not awake. I just wanted to sit with him all the time, looking at him, talking to him.

Uncle came bearing my clothes and food. I freshened up while he visited puppy. I requested the nurse to keep my bag somewhere in her station. Uncle had brought a charger for my phone and I used it. Soon it was Jonghyun’s father and me again in the waiting lounge.

And I waited for Jonghyun to wake up. I’d no idea how many times I chanted my love for him under my breath, how many times I chanted he was my life, how much I willed him to wake up for the sake of our love. I kept rubbing my rings and kept repeating our promises to each other.  

Minki called me after her return from the school. I spoke to her as cheerfully as possible so as not to spook her. Imo came to sit with me. Jonghyun’s father went home for some time then. He returned with the family for the evening visiting hours. Uncle came straight from office. Imo went home with him. Both of them tried to convince me to go home to get some rest, and eat or drink something. I refused it all. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. They finally stopped pressing me.  

Doctors came again in the evening and told me to remain calm. It was not uncommon for the patients of severe physical trauma to remain unconscious for that long. I tried to take their advice. I chanted and I paced. I visited Jonghyun every hour.

It was 10 in the night, nearly 22 hours after he was shot, and I was singing one of our songs to him, patting his hair, when his eyelids fluttered.

“Puppy, open your eyes love. Please wake up. I love you. Just wake up for me love. Please, please, please. I love you so much. You need to wake up for me.” I whispered frantically to him.

His eyelids fluttered again.

“Hang on love. I will call the nurse. I love you. Please try to wake up for me.”

I looked to the nursing station which was just a few feet away and motioned the nurse who was looking at me. She came over and saw Jonghyun’s eyes fluttering. She checked his vitals in the monitor and called the resident doctor.

“I am here love, just moving away a little to give space to the doctor and the nurse. I am here only puppy. Don’t worry. I am not going anywhere.” I moved to stand near his feet, giving space to the doctor and nurse to check him.

I saw his lips move a little. I moved the comforter from his foot and rubbed it. His toes moved a little in response. I looked up at puppy. His lips moved to form, “yeobo” without sound.

I softly repeated, “I am here. I am here with you. I am not going anywhere. I will be here always. Always.”

I stood near the foot of the bed and smiled through my tears as his eyelids opened just a sliver and looked straight where I was standing. I mouthed “I love you” to him. He again mouthed “yeobo”.

I wanted to jump and shout in happiness.

I wanted to scream in relief.

I wanted to fall down to my knees and thank all the gods up above who’d heard my prayers.

I wanted to kiss him.

I wanted to tell him aloud that I loved him for eternity.

But I just wept silent tears of happiness and kept mouthing “I love you” that only he could see and understand.

I knew he understood because every time I moved my lips, he moved his toes in response.