Day Fourty-Two

   
~ 블락비 ~

"It's your turn." P.O mumbled to me as he walked into the living room after he finished his session with Chocolate Man.

I sighed and stood up, making my way towards Chocolate Man's office. Why was he making us go through this anyways? I'm not in this program to spend my time talking to some therapist-wannabe, not that I wanted to be in here in the first place just so we get that part cleared.

When I entered the room and walked towards one of the vacant chairs, I could feel him stare at me. Seriously, it's not that creepy if you don't think about it. However if you do, it's really, really creepy. Creepy to the tenth level of creepyness.

"Take a seat Jaehyo, and then we'll start." I heard him say. I decided to obey and sit down in the chair. I stared at him in silence as he was jotting things down on a notepad for several moments.

Hm... What is he writing? I surreptitiously peered over and tried to see what he was writing but he picked up the notepad and put it in his drawer. Darn, so close too.

"Let's get started." He said, making eye contact with me.

"With what?" I asked even though I knew why I was in here.

"I'll just start by asking you some questions then." He nodded to himself. "Have you been affected by Taeil's death?"

"Of course I have." I scoffed. "I've known him for a while now. Why wouldn't I be?"

"How have you been affected?" Chocolate Man continued on. "Do you feel sad? Or maybe frustrated? Maybe even a little angsty?"

Damn, so many questions. "Why is it that every time I come in here we always play 20 questions?"

"Look Jaehyo, I'm only doing my job. I get paid by the hour." He sighed. "I'm supposed to be asking you questions and making sure that you're on the right path in life. We don't want you to be making wrong choices after all this time you've spent in here, if you get what I mean."

"Look old man, I'm not going to go commit suicide or anything." I rolled my eyes. "That was just a one time thing. I'm all good now."

"Since you feel like you'd like to talk about it, let's move on to that subject." Great. Why did I even bring it up? "Do you feel as though the problem that caused you to attempt suicide has gotten better or even worse?"

"I have no problem."

"Still denying it I see. Would you mind telling me why you decided to harm one of our patients yesterday then?" Chocolate Man questioned as he stared intently at me.

"I see you heard about that." I chuckled. "It's not my fault he started insulting me."

"He insulted you? Would you mind telling me what had occured?"

"He was being an idiot and calling me ugly, hideous, and all those other words that clearly do not describe me. He even compared me to a mudskipper!" I replied, completely outraged at the unpleasant memory.

"Oh, it seems as though you care alot about what others say about your physical appearance."

"Of course!" I told him like what he said was the stupidest thing in the world. "Why wouldn't I?"

"How do you feel if I said someone looked better than you did?"

"Like that would happen. No one can be better looking than me." I laughed at what he asked me. It was clearly a joke... Right?

"I see..." He mumbled. "I think I have found the source to why you have attempted suicide Jaehyo."

"Y-yah! Who said you could do that!" I inwardly cursed myself at how I answered all the questions he asked me. Wasn't I supposed to ignore them as usual? Why did I end up answering?

"Let's talk about it. Let out your emotions so we can find a solution to the problem. Do you happen to know how this problem had aroused?" He continued on despite my protesting.

"Damn it, I say just a couple things and then you decide to ask me more about it. Why do you think I never said anything before?" I groaned. "Besides, how the hell am I supposed to know how all this stuff happened?"

"So you admit to having a problem. Did something trigger it? Or maybe someone?"

"I don't know!" I glared at him. "Anyone that thinks they look better than me makes me pissed off. Especially that Kiseop guy."

Chocolate Man nodded wisely. "Ah... So he could be the source of your problem."

"Aish. Let's stop talking about this. Weren't we talking about Taeil?" I waved off the topic.

"If you'd like to talk about that we could do so." Why? I can never win! "Now, are you sad? You don't feel like you need to do what he did right?"

"I'm not going to go kill myself! Didn't I say that already?" I shouted at him. Why does he always repeat things over and over?!

"That's good then. Let's talk about the letter he left you then. What did he mention in it?"

I bit my lip as I stared at the ground. Why should I be telling him? It wasn't his letter. What if Taeil didn't want me to say anything?

"Don't be afraid to share things with me Jaehyo. I'm only here to help." For some weird reason, I felt as if I could trust him. I was able to accept the words he just spoke, like they were the truth. Do you know how weird that is? I've usually never trusted this man.

I sighed and took out Taeil's letter from my pocket and decided to read it to him.

"Dear Jaehyo,

By the time you receive this letter and read it, I'll probably already be long gone. Thanks for being a great friend for me all this time. I needed someone like you to keep me going on. Unfortunately that had to end. Your efforts weren't useless. In fact, they helped a lot. It was my own fault that I had to end my life. I'll assume that Zico has told you about why I'm dead. It wasn't anyones fault and no one could have stopped me so don't feel bad or anything. I felt as though what I did will let me be in peace. I can't live with all this guilt. I won't be there to see you in your last days in this institution but I hope you enjoy it as much as you can. I know how much you've hated it, but now you can almost finally leave. You can be free. That's probably how I'm feeling now as well. If ever you see my sister and my parents, tell them I'm sorry. I've put a picture of them in this envelope as well. Maybe someday I'll see you again.

So until then,
-Taeil"

I felt my hands drop in my lap as I let my tears run down my face. I didn't even know that I started to cry until I felt my hands getting wet. "Let it all out." I heard Chocolate Man whisper as he handed me a box of tissues.

"Why did he have to go do that?" I clenched my fists. "He didn't have to be so selfish. Couldn't he see that he had friends that could help him? His family wouldn't be so happy about this either."

"It's just like your situation."

"H-huh?" I looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"

"You both tried to commit suicide for a reason. It had to do with another person." He explained. "Let's reflect on it."

"How do you want me to do that?" What nonsense is this man spouting?

"Let's get back to your situation. This Kiseop person seems to play a big part since you dislike him so much."

"Correction: I hate him."

"Anyways, since you dislike him so much, I want to know what he did to make you feel this way."

I thought about it for a bit. It's been a while since I actually thought about it. Well actually, I never did. So why do I hate him so much?

"Well..." I started. "I was on this TV show once. We were competing against each other. He ended up winning the title in the end when I believe that I should have. After all, I'm the hottest person aren't I?"

"Ah, I see what's wrong." He concluded. "Your problem, Jaehyo, is that you can't accept that there are other people in the world that might surpass you in physical character. It's not just you in the world."

"What the ?" I looked at him like he had a shuriken tree growing out of his head. "Yeah right. That isn't it. I just hate the guy because I deserved to win but I didn't."

"Really Jaehyo, if you'd just accept it—"

"That isn't my problem!" I slammed my hands down on his desk as I stood up, being very frustrated at this point. "I'm out of here."

I started to leave and waited for him to call me back as usual, to tell me that our session wasn't over yet like he always does. When he didn't, I looked back to see him smirking. I rolled my eyes before my gaze landed on the name plate on his desk. I stared at it for several seconds before leaving the room and slamming the door.

"Really, that man." I mumbled as I strolled down the hall.

"Are you feeling okay Jaehyo?" Ricky popped up.

"Eh." I mumbled as I slumped down to the ground.

"If you don't want to talk to that man, you could talk to us." C.A.P offered.

"Thanks, but I'm fine." I shook my head. "I don't need to talk to anyone about this."

"Are you sure?" Changjo asked. "I think it might be better if you talked to him. He's a very trustworthy man."

"...To an extent." Niel added.

"You didn't need to add that..." Changjo nudged Niel in the ribs.

"I'm happy you guys care," I smiled at the sight of the boys, "But really, I'll talk to him when I feel like it. I don't think I can do it now. If I had continued to talk to him I might have socked him in the face."

"Alright." Chunji nodded. "We wish you the best..."

He trailed off as I looked at him curiously. "Continue."

"Well," L. Joe paused. "Our time here is almost up as well."

"What? What are you talking about?" I asked. "What do you mean? Aren't you guys already dead?"

"Yes we are," C.A.P confirmed, "but we haven't crossed over completely. Our spirits still linger on the earth plane. We have almost figured out how to rest in peace."

"So we might not even be here tomorrow." Changjo finished. "So we'd like to say goodbye before we leave."

"And thanks for all the fun times!" Ricky grinned. "We really enjoyed it."

I smiled at them before they disappeared to go off and do... something. Maybe they went skiing.

After I sat there for a while, P.O came walking through the halls. When he saw me he sat down next to me and stayed in silence.

"Jihoon?"

"Yeah?" He looked at me.

"I have a question." I turned to him. "Why don't we just bring Taeil back like how we did with Hanhae?"

P.O sighed before moving his gaze to the ground. "We could."

"Then let's do it!" I finally was able to smile. "We could have him back and—"

"We could." He interrupted me. "But we can't."

I frowned. "What do you mean we can't?"

"It doesn't work that way." He continued on. "We could try but it would surely fail. He chose to have his death. We can only bring back those that were killed against their will."

"What the..."

"Yeah. That's the other condition to this process." He sighed. "If it worked then I would have brought it up long ago."

"Oh..." I nodded and we went back into a silence before P.O got up and left, leaving me in the hall alone.

My thoughts drifted back to what I talked about with that man in the office earlier.

I don't feel right talking about the problem though. I just can't accept the fact that he won. I can't accept the fact that I lost to Kiseop. After all, aren't I the one with the best looks?

Aren't I...?


~ 블락비 ~


I lied. Taeil's death was planned back in chapter 8, not 15 :D

Hm, I wasn't very satisfied with this chapter... Maybe the next one will make up for it.
Three chapters left D: I shall update this weekend and the story will be completed in the next week D;