Not Knowing What I Want

Taehyung arrived at home before Nara. He was relaxing on the couch in front of the television, watching some random television program on the channel. He wanted to get some snacks in the kitchen, because his stomach was rumbling and when he was passing through the window, he saw Nara walking and he waited for her to be close enough to the house, so he could open the door for her, but when he wanted to do so, he saw Jungkook catching up to her and they we’re laughing, laughing. They were laughing together; it irritated him and he took back the good gesture he was going to do. He turned away and went upstairs instead.

“Thank you, Jungkook.” Nara said with a smile.

“Nah, it’s fine.” He replied, then they stood there awkwardly and while thinking what to say, thankfully Jungkook broke that silence.

“Well, I better go—I’ll see you at school.” He said while walking backwards and waved at her.

“Yeah—okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She replied.

When Jungkook was out of her sight, she immediately ran inside and locked the doors—she wanted to feel happy, but her heart ached; like someone was punching her chest repeatedly, and it hurt. After all this time, she really didn't know how to deal with Jungkook, she always agrees to do what he wanted because he always insisted and she doesn't feel good to reject him. She doesn't know how to say no to him, because she’s scared of it.

On the other hand, Taehyung was pacing back and forth in his room, thinking how to get rid of Jungkook—he doesn't particularly like him, because he’s always hanging around Nara and to him it’s plain annoying.

He stopped pacing when he saw Nara walked into the room; the expression on her face was out of sort—disconsolate. She stopped and slightly threw her back into the nearest corner.

“What’s with you?” Taehyung asked, looking at her, because it seemed like she didn't notice that he was there.

“Huh?” she asked with blank stare and snapped out when Taehyung spoke. “Oh, nothing. I just had a rough day.” She said trying to convince him that she’s fine and not to ask any more questions. When she knew Taehyung was there her expression became bright and happy.

“Mind sharing?” he asked.

“No.” she said simply, while rummaging through her wardrobe.

“It’s about Jungkook?” he asked again.

“No.” she replied, this time with a higher tone.

“So, it is about him.” Taehyung stated, like he could read her mind.

Even though she’s scared of rejecting Jungkook, she’s not scared at all when she’s rejecting Taehyung. Why? Because he rejected her first and she didn't want to give in. Although, she wanted to tell someone badly about how she feels about Jungkook—her thoughts about him, what she likes and what she don't like about him; she knew she couldn't tell Taehyung, because he’d act all superior and think that his opinion was the best and that she should forget Jungkook for no reason.

“No, it’s not!” she replied and slammed the bathroom door.

Taehyung raised an eyebrow, knowing that it was obviously about Jungkook. Worried that she would still be pissed he decided to do his report that was due tomorrow. He hadn’t started working on it, because he doesn't understand, he wanted to ask the teacher, but he never get the chance to do so. He went to his bed, opened up his laptop and typed out the key words to the topic, but he was still confused—his mind just simply couldn't comprehend the work. He managed to find a website that shed some light on the topic that was at the centre of his confusion, so he slightly understood what the teacher was talking about.

A few minutes later, Nara stepped out of the bathroom and finished her night rituals. She went to her study desk and work on the same report that Taehyung was wlorking on; only Nara was halfway finish and she plugged in her headset on while working on her report. Nara, was typing like crazy, making Taehyung annoyed that she could do her report smoothly, without any hesitation. He sat up and crumpled a few papers from his notebook and threw one of them at Nara. It hit her head; although it didn't hurt it definitely broke her attention to her work. She took a deep breath, trying not to get angry—but it didn't work. She turned herself and threw the crumpled paper back to Taehyung and hit his forehead.

“What do you want?” Nara sighed heavily, “Can’t you see I’m busy?” she frowned.

Without feeling guilty, Taehyung asked her what he needed to know.

“Do you understand what the topic is about?”

“Yes, I do and no, I don't want to help you.” Nara replied without facing him, trying to gather where she left off.

“Who said I wanted your help?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, but at the same time he was dumbfounded because he needs help.  

“Okay, fine.” She put her headset back on and turned up the volume. She continued her report.

Losing her attention, Taehyung threw another crumpled paper at her head and when it hit her, she didn't even bother to respond—unfortunately Taehyung threw her a few more papers and it started getting annoying. Finally, Nara was too irritated to stay still; she collected all the crumpled paper that Taehyung had thrown at her and walked towards her bed, where Taehyung was sitting comfortably. She stared at him, but he was pretending not to notice her by making himself busy scrolling down up and down  some webpage.

“Taehyung.” She called him, trying to be calm.

“Hmm.” He replied, but he didn't turn his head.

“Taehyung.” She called again.

“Yes?” he finally turned his head.

“What—“ the throws a crumpled paper at his face, “the—“ and another, “heck—“ and another one, “do you—“she throws even harder every word, “want?”

“Hey—jeez, relax. Its just paper.” He replied.

“It’s just paper that is bothering me.” she sighed deeply trying not to get angry, “Can’t you just tell me what you want and get it over with?”

“Fine—okay, I lied, I need your help, I have no idea about this—thing and I don't know where to start.” He explained without any more jokes.

“You haven’t start doing it?” she asked, gasped in surprise.

Taehyung nodded in respond, because saying yes was too embarrassing.

“I have no idea okay. This is my least favorite subject and I sometimes I tend doze off when the teacher is explaining.” He raised his shoulder acting all innocent.

“I don't know how did the teacher not notice you while you were dozing off, but she really need to pay more serious attention to you.” Nara crossed her arms. “Which part do you not understand?” she asked, still having those I-like-him-maybe-I-should-help-him thoughts.

“Everything.” He said simply, smiling like he’s proud of it.

“Everything?” her eyes bulged in surprise. “Seriously? You’re kidding?” she asked in disbelief.

“Yup.”

She took her laptop from the desk and brought it to the bed, sitting by his side. 

“Let me finish mine first—it’ll just be in a few minutes, then we’ll work on yours.” She said while typing out words as fast as she could.

“Together?” he asked, looking at her whose gaze was fixed on the laptop’s monitor.

“Together.” She said without taking her eyes off of the monitor.

Taehyung smiled, knowing that she would do his work together. Feeling like he could share his burden with someone—someone who would give up her time for him. He looked at her in admiration, while resting his head on his hand. He thought that she might not be as bad as he thought she would be. She is something that he wouldn't  to choose, but at the same time something he doesn't want to lose.

“Okay, I am done!” she saved her work ready to be printed and turned her head to Taehyung; she was surprised that he was looking at her that way. “Why are you staring at me?” she asked while looking back at his eyes, where she can see the reflection of herself perfectly.

Taehyung snapped out of his stare and shook his head, “Nothing, never mind.”

“Okay, now let’s do yours.” She took his laptop in front of him.

“You should use this website as a reference, remember you can’t copy paste, because the teacher will know and you might not get a grade.” She replied while, remembering the source that she used before.

“Can’t I just copy yours?” he asked, trying to beg to mercy.

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s called cheating. I hate people who cheat, they don't credit other people whose actually doing the work and did it for their own personal gain. It’s annoying and slothful.” She replied.

Somehow it hit Taehyung in the face, because he used to do that when there are exams, he would always attempt to cheat and ask one of his friends the answer and sometimes they willingly give him the answer, because if they don't his girlfriend, Jein will burn them in hell—that’s all he had to do, tell Jein, then everything would be fine.

“You really should study hard, I know—it’s tiring, but when you get a good score that feeling of success and you’ll somehow feel proud about yourself, it’s good you know.” She explained, out of the blue.

“Yeah, I don't do that.” Taehyung groaned.

“Of course, you don't.”

“How do you know?” he asked, “How do you know that I’m not lying?”

“Because I was one of your cheating victims a few years ago.” She laughed quietly. “It was one of the hardest exams of the year—I willingly gave you the answers because I had feelings for you.” She realized that she said something that she shouldn’t say and turned her head away in embarrassment.

“Oh—wait what? How do you feel about me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Felt—I said felt.” She corrected herself.  

“No, I heard you said “feel”—so how exactly do you feel about me?” he leaned back using both of his hand to hold his body.

“I said felt.”

“Yeah, sure you did.”

“I did—now do you want to finish you report or not? And don't cheat it’s not good for you in the future.” she stated, changing the subject.

“Ah, changing to another subject—nice.” He complimented in sarcasm.

“Here—why don't you try to do it and then I’ll check.”

“Why don't you keep doing it? I like seeing you focused on something.” He shouldn't have said that, because it made Nara’s heart beat faster and she’s not okay with it.

“Just, do it. I’m—I'm going downstairs.”  She threw Taehyung’s laptop to the bed and ran out of the room.

Damn you mouth! Now, I don’t know what she’s going to think about me. I put her hopes up—and I might let her down later—do I want that? Do I want her to keep liking me? Do I feel the same way?

Words in his head confused him, he didn't know what to admit because he’s not sure about his feelings about her—its like something’s not right, but at the same time when she’s around everything falls into place. He wanted to take the easy way out, but the only way is the hard way out.

On the other hand, Nara was in the kitchen finding herself pouring a glass of chocolate milk from the fridge. She finished the milk in one big gulp and somehow it helped her to calm down. Her mind was all twisted, she kept asking herself why Taehyung kept doing these things to her in the last few days, it bothered her because he’s shaking her up and she doesn't want to be shaken up, because she was determine to forget him and now he’s doing all this things that makes her mind goes blank and her heart beat like crazy. She liked it, but at the same time she doesn't want to admit it.