My legs seemed to have taken on the strength of jelly. Suddenly my knees began to wobble, my entire body edgy as if I was high on adrenaline.

I took a deep breath, trying to force myself to keep calm.

Oh Sehun will not do this to me, I thought fiercely.

After all, I was Jessica Moon. Moon Jiyoon. I didn't cry over boys. Usually I didn't let myself get close enough for them to hurt me, but I had made a mistake with Sehun. I had gotten too close. Cared too much.

However that won't last. I refused to be like those other girls. I wouldn't be weak just because of a boy. He didn't determine my worth. I didn't need Oh Sehun to be happy.

The lift binged open. Hesitantly I got out, unsure as to what I was actually to do. I took a seat on one of the seats in the lobby, ignoring the stares of other people who were also sat waiting.

I wondered when a good time to go back upstairs would be. Would Sehun perhaps spend some time with the girl first, charming and flattering her and lord knows what else? The mere thought of them together made my blood boil, but I pushed away the feeling when I realized that my hands were in shaking fists. I wasn't jealous, just annoyed that Sehun was an even bigger phoney than I had originally thought. He had said all that crap about falling in love, and yet there he was, charming another woman like the professional playboy he probably is. Did it even count as cheating?

Perhaps I should storm into the apartment, walking in on them and causing a huge scene. 

But just then a sudden realization came to my mind. Was I really any better than Sehun? After all, I had just spent the night with Kai. Was what I doing any worse than what Sehun was doing? Suddenly I felt like one big hypocrite. A stupid hypocrite, who didn't even know how she felt.

I mean, I liked Kai, but he was my best friend. And Sehun was my fiancé...

And I liked him too.

Aish, why was I so pathetic? Suddenly the lift binged open again. My head snapped up like a whip, and there standing in the lift was the very same girl whom Sehun had been with.

I felt a sense of relief as I realized that she hasn't stayed with Sehun, but god knows what they had done before I arrived. However the sight of her washed away the momentary relief with fiery rage. 

She was dressed in running gear, her clothes clinging unnecessarily tightly to her tall, model like figure. She flipped her long black hair over shoulder, a clear air of superiority around her. Just that mere gesture ticked me off

Just then our gazes met, my heart beating angry sparks in response, and broke out into a smooth, dangerous smile. She began to walk up to me, and I stood up straight in response, glaring her down and ready for whatever confrontation she would bring. However as she got closer, I realized that her face was unsettlingly familiar.

"My goodness, what a coincidence! We run into each other again? Surely you remember me?" She said in fluent english.

And I did remember her. She was the same girl I had met yesterday in the restroom. I knew there had been something suspicious about her.

I didn't respond, but merely tilted my head in acknowledgement. This girl did superiority well, however around me all her air and graces dssapeared as she shuffled uncomfortably under my cold gaze. 

"Are you a resident here?" She asked, and just then I knew that she was acting. There was no way that she would have come to visit Sehun and not know about me. I had been the number one search in Korea for nearly a month, and she was obviously on good enough terms with Sehun to know that he was engaged. So exactly what was with this girl? 

"Of course" I replied cooly, maintaining my distance from her as if she was infected and glaring her down.

She smiled slowly in response to my tone, acting collected and confident under my intense glare.

"I'm Victoria. Victoria Zhang. And you are...?" She said, her face wearing a fake mask of curiosity.

I couldn't help but scoff, no longer putting up any effort to act polite. "I'm sure you know that already" I said in a clipped tone.

She seemed momentarily startled by my abrupt rudeness, but smiled again after she had recollected her composure. "I didn't want to be rude" she said sweetly, as if that was a good enough excuse anyway.

I rolled my eyes, my hands itching to slap that annoying expression from her face. It was worse than Sehun's smirk.

"Then get out of my face" I said curtly, pushing into her shoulder as I walked past her and into the lift. The doors closed on her confused face, and when they did I realized that her name was familiar.

She couldn't possibly be the Victoria who Sehun had liked in the states, could she?

Sehun's POV

My hands were trembling slightly as I splashed cold water over my face. It helped cool myself, my skin tightening in response to its icy touch, but it did little to get rid of the pink in my hot face. 

I tried breathing steadily, but my heart was beating at a lightning speed as I fought back the oncoming panic attack.

I will not succumb, I thought sternly. The attacks had stopped. I hadn't had them for at least a year now. But seeing Victoria was like being put through it all again. In my head the sound of smashing glass and breaking bones was loud in my ears, like a plague in my mind. I could feel sweat break out on my skin again as I clutched at my head, squeasing my eyes shut tight as I tried to opress the memories and fight back the familiar faint feeling.

My legs began to shake, and no matter how hard a dug my claws into consciousness I could still feel my brain get hazy, as if a fog was spreading through my mind and invading my vision. I rubbed my eyes painfully, but the blackness continues to seep in, dulling my vision and taking over.

I tumbled onto the ground, my legs suddenly too weak and so I had to grab onto the sink weakly for support whilst holding my head in my other hand. The agonizing pain didn't subside, and the seconds stretched into years as I lost the battle againt the panic attack. Banging sounds echoed in my ears but i could no longer distinguish the sounds of reality and those of my torturous memories.

This is all your fault Victoria.

Jess' POV

Angry, that's what I planned to be.

No, I will be furious. Hysterical.

On the verge of a mental breakdown.

However as I entered the apartment I had settled for passive aggressive. I wouldn't show Sehun that he had hurt me. That he could affect me. I had to remain strong, especially with Sehun. It was like an emotional war between us, and the first to show any weakness would lose. And I wasn't used to losing.

Oh Sehun may have won the battle, but the war wasn't over yet, and at the end of it I will stand victorious. Though I'm not sure what that included. After all, if I would truly win then wouldn't that mean that I didn't have to marry Sehun? And I didn't see that happening anytime soon.

As soon as I had kicked of my boots a dull thud came from Sehun's room. And not a small thud of something falling, but a large loud one, like something had crashed.

On a newfound caring instinct I rushed into his room, the door banging open carelessly as I stormed into the bedroom and searched for his tall, dark haired figure. But there was no one there.

And then a faint whimper was heard, like that of a wounded animal. The sound was almost heartbreaking and was coming from the bathroom.

Cautiously but quickly I rushed into the eun-suite, and there lay Sehun, a large lump curled in the middle of the room, his arms protecting his head as if he was keeping the monsters away.

"Sehun-ssi!" I exclaimed in alarm, but he didn't stir at the sound of my voice.

I kneeled by his side, balancing his head on my lap.

"Sehun-ssi, can yoiy hear me?" I asked, surprised to hear the worry in my own voice.

I shook him perhaps a little too fiercely, but his eyes started to flutter open slightly.

"Sehun? Yah, answer me!" I snapped in frustration, my heart ripping itself apart in worry and stress.

His lips twitched, the ghost of words floating on them.

"Vi...Vic..." He mumbled, his voice incomprehensible and yet I still knew who he was calling for, and it wasn't me.

I ignored the sinking feeling in my chest and shook his head again, this time more gently. "Sehun-ssi, can you hear me?" I asked.

His brow was creased, his face distressed as if he were having a nightmare. As he tossed and turnerd his head it shone in the light, and I realized that it was tears glistening on his cheeks.

"Je...Jiyoon-ah" he muttered.

"Sehun-ssi! Are you okay?!" I exclaimed in slight relief that he seemed to be gaining a sense of reality back.

But suddenly, to my surprise, his hand wound itself through mine, his skin hot and hold surprisingly firm for his current state.

"Help me" he whimpered, and at his request my heart broke. At that moment I realized that it wasn't me who had to worry about the war, because it was Sehun with the weaknesses. It was Sehun with the broken heart.

Sehun's POV

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jessica asked for the fiftieth time since she's had found me on the bathroom floor. I still flushed in embarrassment when I thought about it. I hadn't wanted Jess to see me like that. To see me so broken. So weak.

"I'm fine" I said , but the words came out through gritted teeth and I still couldn't look her in the eyes.

Jessica sighed in frustration, thinking along the same lines as she grabbed my face in her small, warm hands. Her eyes burned into mine, and I suddenly found myself unable to look away. I wondered if she could see the depth of my feelings for her in my eyes? Weren't the eyes the windows to your soul? Could she see my love for her in them?

"Tell me the truth" she said firmly, her voice stern and authoritive.

But her eyes told a different story. I could see her emotions in hers. And right now they were nervous, worried, and something else I didn't understand.

Naturally my smirk spread across my lips.

"You really want to know what's wrong with me?" I asked, but this time my tone much more playful, like the usual cocky boy Jessica knows well.

She looked unsure as she nodded her head.

The smirk dropped from my face like it had never existed as I asked, "where were you last night?"

Her hands dropped from my face as if my skin had just burnt her. Discomfort radiated from her and it was clear that she didn't know what to say as she nervously chewed her bottom lip.

"Didn't you hear me?" I asked impatiently. But in reality I didn't want her to tell me. I already knew the answer. I just wanted her to change the subject.

"No where" she mumbled, but she was a worse liar than a child.

"Don't lie" I snapped, my tone horribly agrresive.

As I had expected she snapped out of her surprised daze and glared up at me with those beautiful eyes. "Then who was that girl I saw you up and close with earlier?" She snapped.

Now it was my turn to be surprised. Had she seen me with Victoria? The thought sent my heart lurching. What had she seen? What had she made of it?My 

"Wh-what do you mean?" I stuttered, completely taken off guard.

Jess rolled her eyes. "I'll tell you where I was if you tell me who she is" she said, though I got the feeling that she already knew, somehow.

"No one important" I muttered through my teeth.

She scoffed. "Then why were you calling her name in your unconsciousness?" She snapped, her hurt finally making an appearance. So that's what she seemed upset about?

She had been off about something, but I couldn't think of anything new that I had done wrong. But now all the pieces were fitting together in my mind like a puzzle. She was actually jealous. Moon Ji yoon was jealous of someone. I think this could make headline news.

"You don't need to know" I persisted uncomfortably, suddenly feeling like a guilty child.

Jiyoon's eyes glinted dangerously. "Tell me" she said firmly, her voice commanding.

I sighed, feeling my defenses crumble like they only ever did with Jess. "She's called Victoria. She was a...friend, from America"

Jessica narrowed her eyes suspiciously, but if she suspected that there was more she didnt say anythere about it.

"So where were you last night?" I asked, changing the subject.

Her narrowed eyes widened in surprise, or perhaps distress. I could see that she didn't want to tell me. That it worried her. Truthfully I didn't want to pressure her. After all I already knew the answer. But the Sehun that she knew so well wouldn't care about how it made her feel, and so I pressed her for the answer.

Eventually she gave in. "I was with...you know, Kai" she mumbled, her voice barely audible but the words loud in my ears.

"All night?" I asked through gritted teeth. To my surprise, though I had expected it, the answer still made me unbearably mad. Mainly because I knew that instead of me, it was Kai who was there with her. It will have been Kai who held her hand, who cradled her in his arms. And I couldn't do any of those things, because Jessica didn't know how I felt about her. 

She nodded hesitantly, her small body tense as if expecting a storm. 

Like a volcano, rage erupted inside of me, mingled with jealousy and heartache. Why was it that Kai even managed to steal my fiancé away from me? Was it me? Did no one love me?

Unable to say anything I simply turned and left the room. Jess' light but quick footsteps followed behind me.

"Yah, Sehun-ah, don't just walk away" she snapped, jogging to keep up with my large footsteps.

Her warm hand traced my wrist and tried to ravel itself in mine to pull me back, but I harshly snatched it away.

I slammed my bedroom door shut before she managed to follow, locking it quickly. Instantly the sound of her slamming fists against the door sounded. "Sehun, open the door!" She yelled, her voice breaking under distress.

Part of me wanted to open the door and hold her in my arms, to feel her warmth and body, and her soft, milky skin. But another part of me couldn't. I couldn't open the door, because I was too mad. Not at Jessica, but at myself. I was mad because I couldn't hold her in my arms. I couldn't make her smile. I couldn't make her laugh. Because I couldn't tell her that I loved her. 

I hated myself, because I couldn't tell her or show her that I'm in love with her.

I'm in love with you, Moon Ji Yoon.

A/N~okay i know its been a long time since my last update, dont eat me! However due to personal reasons i didnt have the time to update. Its also been very stressful with my upcoming exams. So i wont be able to update frequently, especially since i also have another story to write, but i will update as soon as possible. I also realise that Jessica suddenly knows Victorias name though i never mentioned it in past chapters, so lets just pretend like she already found that out. Please comment and suscribe. Gamsahamnida~AlviinK